Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLVI, Issue 9, 30 August 1911, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Suspicious. . a<>(’OD wife is heaven’s greatest gift to man and the rarest gem the earth holds,? remarked -Mr. ’arphly the -other morning- “She ■ - •■ . iii- inspiration, and his \fery " "uk 1 ‘.r*ougi>- -her— lie—)ea rn< to reach ■y-c o . and-true, a-nd her-loving hands ■ii h ■ -uftly over the rough placesJ • - • h.” said Mrs. Jarphly. soiemnah. what wickedness have you ; •<! Dow?” Agrees With Plato. ' tb.or of genms.” .said William •‘-in .veils. Socialist and author, at f/ki : r in New York, “expresses the - - of hjs time. lie speaks out ' ngs that {iis generation has all ■"ng thinking—but thinking '“••nt;---, and. perhaps, a little mistily. An author of transcendental genius the thought of all time. For ■example, one summer at Sunapee I leaned a volume of Plato to a lean, Kire " '■ farmer. When the volume was Mwn.a; I said; ell.' how did you like Plato?’ - ' : . rate,’ the farmer answered. * *ee , g, s dme of my ideas.’” Diverge Tactic*. ' ’ oys had- been rude to : heir . ' put them to be 1 earlier . d. and. then '.complained to their * 1 : "it them. start! 1 up j r •. a rwa y ,-rtt nd -they hea rd him com - c • * e COmes PW” wid Maurice. H l’m to make believe I’m asleep.” ♦ • k »'♦ not ’” Mid Harry. "I’m going up and put something (Mk”.

Revenge. Martha, aged five, precocious and observant, had been severely spanked by her mother. She grat on the floor, her eyes filled with angry tears. Suddenly she rose with a determined look upon her t Tittle face, and seized her hat. ‘Where are you going?” a*ked her mother. “Out to tell all the.family secrets to the neighbours,* said the child, firmly. «> <e> <s> Espert Reporter. W. R. Holt, from London, described neatly, at the Atw York Press Chib, the essentials of good reporting. “A good retort er,” he said, “should be able to handle a man as an astronomer handles a telescope—that is, he should be able to draw him out, see through him. and shut him up.’’

Perhaps Not. An instructor in a church school, where much attention is paid to sacred history, dwelt particularly on the phrase. “And Enoch was not. for God took him.” So many times was this repeated in connection with th* death of Enoch that he thought even the dullest pupil would answer correctly when asked in examination: “State in the exact language of the Bible what i> said of Enoch's death.” But this was the answer he got : “Enoch was nut what God took him for-’* Expert Opinion, A strident in an cptii Jmic institution was n quested to examine and report upon the condition of a man’s eye. Having ceremoniously .adjusted the ophthalmoscup . he looked long an ! carefully into the optic. “Most remarkable!” '-.e ejaculated, in a t«me of surprise. Then, having readjusted the instrument, he made a fur ther careful examination. “Wry extra ord’n.iry. indeed!” he exclaimed. “I have never heard of such an eye. Have you ever had professional opinion on “Once,” was the laconic reply. “The man who put it in said it was a fine bit of glass!”

A Genius. Mr. Hitchcock, the new-, editor of the great daily, had only the junior reporter at hand, and news of’ A ‘shooting case had come in. _ . . A man had married a girl .it -1 o’clock the afternoon before, and at the s une evening had shot at her five times. “What shall I do?" asked the reporter. “Get an interview from the girl,” said Hitchcock “But I don’t what t«rt-.*<sk her,” objected the reporter. Hiichcoik got up from his clfciir. walked over to the w’.ill. and beat ’hi- head against the plaster three times. -“I don’t think you understand,” he told the vouth with as much patien.c as he could muster. “Married at 4 and -hot a: five linn - .it S. Go and get he storx ” “Well, what shall I a-k her: ’ queried the reporter. Hitchcock, looking pained an.l grieved, said. “ \sk her whether she considers the conduct of her husband an insult or merely studied indifference” Arbitration in Ireland. He was a man of peace, and, of course. In had on more th in «>ii • occasion paid the penalty of the pe ic< :naker. He came upon two youths in >n Irish back street fighting. Accordingly, he pushed through the crowd and persuaded the combatants to desist. “I.ct me l»eg of you. my good fellows,” earnestly i'csought the peacemaker, “to settle your dispute by aria:ration. Each of you choose half a dozen friends to arbitrate. ’’ “Hurrah!” yelled the crowd. “Do as the gentleman m*s. bhoys.” Having seen the twelve arbitrator-selected to the paths fart ion of both sides, the man of peace w»nt on his way rejo'cing in the thought of having once again prevailed Upon brute force t • \ield to pea • fill argument. Half, an h r.ir latrr he returned that Way. an! was horrified to find the wludo -tree! Alighting, while in the distance police whisth-M could be heaid blowing an I <-o:istables «ern rush Ing to the i#pot from all quarters. “Good graeimis! what is the matter now?” tasked the peacemaker. “Sure, sytr,” was the reply, “they’re arbitrating!'