Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 23, 7 June 1911, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

Quite the Same. AVID Bispham was undergoing p tire ministration of the ship’s / barber. "I ’opes,” said the S barber, •’that we shall ’ave the pleasure of ’earin' you at the concert to-night.” "No,” said the famous singer, "1 have had a long and exhausting season in America and within a few’ days lam to open in London. I have decided not to do anything on this voyage.” "It’s the same way with me,” said the barber, understandingly. "When I'm ashore I never look at a razor.” Couldn't Serve Mamma Too. The weeklj’ lesson in Sunday-school dealt with the corrupting influence of luxury and worldliness, and the golden text was a well-known sentence that the superintendent wished all the children to remember. It sounded like an easy text to learn, and the superintendent," mounting the platform for a final review of the lesson/when the School assembled for closing exercises, was sure of a pleasant response from his pupils. "Who,” he began, "can repeat the golden text ?” A score of hands were raised, and the superintendent chose a little girl with bine eyes, a well-bred, well-behaved little girl from a well-to-do and “particular” family, to repeat the text for him. “Well, Dorothy,” he said, “you may tell it to us. Stand up so we can all hear you.” Dorothy stood up, in the prettiness of her best dress and the daintiness of her hair ribbons. “You cannot,” she said, distinctly, “you cannot serve God and mamma.’*

GRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Corrected. Gussie was ka . kneed, angular and round-shouldereu. He had a terrific squint, and a mouth like a steam roller. All the same, he reckoned on making something of a hit at the fancy dress ball, and lus costume was as elegant as his figure was unlovely. With fast-beating heart he stepped jauntily from his automobile outside the town hall, where the ball was being held. The hall porter stepped backward at the unsightly apparition. “Great Christopher Columbus!” he gasped, as he regarded Gussie. “No, no, my good man!’! chirped Gussie, as he tripped through the portals. “Chawles the First, my dear fellow, Chaw les the First!”

The Gloves She Should Wear. ‘‘Are you the man that answers the queries?” asked a caller the ether day. removing his hat as he came into the office.

"I am,” replied one of- our Query Editors pigeon-holing a request for statistics as to the total number of persons killed in the Crimean war, and- filing away a note asking for a brief -biography of all the Kings and Queens of England from Canute to King Edward. “Be seated, sir. What can Ido for you?’’ “I’ve get a little’ bet with a friend.” rejoined the visitor.“arid- we've agreed to leave it with you. What is the-size of glove that a perfectly proportion;d'woman with a No. (> foot ought to wear?’’"The size of glove, you say ?” "Yes.”

1 1'.?’ a “Yes.’* Lonely Wife. ••j p For real loneliness for Women one eonsu?* U3 t go *“to tbe backblocks. Here are He who never see other women for

reeks together. Their lives are passed in one lineeasing round of household •duties. They get prematurely worn and old; they grow listless, apathetic, and indifferent. They faee their hardships bravely, at first, they try and not show what they miss in being cut oil' from all social enjoyments. Their interests become narrow and dwarfed by degrees, and in the end they find that all the zest of life has gone. They simply exist from day to day. The lonely wife is one of the saddest products of our time. Women want companionship. In the baekbloeks they simply cannot get it. They lose all pride in a house that no one sees, they lose all personal pride in their appearance. They cannot keep up the intellectual side of life. Cut off from art, literature, and the real world, they become intensely lonely within themselves. With men it is different. They have companionship of a eort, and they tnve their work. The woman has no tiling, but the knowledge that her youth is passing, and passing in that intense solitude that is the more pathetic because U U. the solitude that denies expression

revels ill this sort of thing, overhauled countless volumes, and turned to his caller. “According to the best information I can obtain,'' he said, "a woman with a No. 6 foot, if she is perfectly proportioned, should wear on her hand ” "Yes. ’ Any glove that tits her. Turn the knob to the right. Good morning, sir.’’ <ss><s> He Agreed. -Iplies and Smith were two old bachelors who lived on the most, intimate terms, constantly dined together and smoked the peaceful pipe, and occasionally went oft together for a week's holiday by the sea. But a change eume over the spirit of Smith’s dream. Well on in the fifties he got married, and on his re- ’’ slkum.lhe ..honeymoon invited Jones emphatically, about'every' As a witdustrial evil. ‘'These people." lie' ev.. tinned, “have no right to pose as disciple.- of Jesus of Niiaareth if they don't hound out from their churches every money-changer in them." Mr. Keir Hardie lias the misfortune to tell the truth. We wonder how many of onr local Parliamentarians are similarly afflicted t JU The Meaning of the Coronation. Most people look upon the Coronation as a kind of holiday pageant. But the pageant and the processions. the pomp and show, are merely in id’Uts Or' accidents surrounding—most appropriately surrounding and emphasising—the central act. The essence of uhat takes place is the religious rite when the Sovereign is anointed, and vested, and crowned. The great act is rightly called the “sacring” of a king. It floes not mnke liim King; he is that already; hut it declares that the King is consecrated as Christ’s servant, and that he owes fealty to Him. The sword of justice is laid first on the altar, and then brought to the King that with -it he may do justice, and defend widows and orphans, and reform what is amiss. The orb is set under the Cross, in token that the whole world la subject to tiie power and enipira o#