Proposals and How to Make Them.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 18, 2 November 1910, Page 46

Proposals and How to Make Them.

al GUIDE TO THE RECKLESS.

PROPOSING matrimony is very like dying—both are things to be put off as long as possible. Also there are other points of similarity but it might be painful to particularise these. If you have made up your mind to propose, it is as well to select someone to propose to. Possibly that may put you off your design. Presuming that you continue reckless, and intend to marry a certain person, it is advisable to ask her permission. This is called proposing. “Man proposes”—and woman does not give him time to repent. Do not try to propose in that facile manner, which, when presented on the stage, makes the theatre-girl roll up in her thousands. On the stage, men propose with a delightful ease, which, in real life, would be marred by the suspicion that it was the result of practice.

Besides, I do not believe that any’ man could be at ease under the circumstances. It i<s one thing to recite wh.it is down in black and white —and which carries no weight with anyone but the stage-struck girl—but it is another to say words which may quite possibly’ be taken down in writing and used in evidence against you. Do not attempt '..he buoyant, light-comedy style. Before you have said half-a-dozen words you will be wondering if your tie is crooked, or where you left your hat in the event of a refusal necessitating a dignified withdrawal. Mon have tried to acquire this genial, ight hearted sty le of proposing by re-

hearsing it in secret, and have afterwards blushed to find it tame. These proposers-deeignate lock themselves in their rooms, and, imagining their lady-loves to be seatejl close at hand, go over and over again what they intend to say, till they can repeat it with confidence and dexterity. But when their opportunity comes along, their charmers are not seated at all, but are walking through the rain in a mackintosh; and the propose™ have to make their speeches while walking beside the proposees and dodging the umbrella-trickles. Neither can I recommend the goingon one-knee act. However it might have acted in the past, it is obsolete now. In picturesque garments, the thing might have looked very effective, provided you had carefully dieposed your sword so that you

did not trip over it when you rose. And, also, provided that you did not wear spurs, which, at moments of emotion, might have been forgotten and so suddenly’ caused you to overdo the emotion. But to-day the style is out of date. When it is a question of cherishing your love or cherishing the seam in your trousers, it is easy to decide. You can always get a new love, but you can’t always get a new pair of trousers. You may propose in a jocular •way, suggesting matrimony with you as an excellent joke. "Wouldn't it be a lark if we got married?” is the formula. Do it thia way if you like —but remember

that marriage, as I am credibly inform ed,_js no joke. -You may put the question gloomily, hinting that a refusal will lead to ■ spectacular form of suicide. This system is satisfying if you are accepted. But it strains her credibility severely when, three months after rejection, the lady lights on you with a big eigar in the south-east corner of your mouth, and you tell her that, despite appearances, your heart is quite dead within you. Sometimes you may- win acceptance by blackmail, intimating that, if refused, you will transfer your affections to a friend of hers. She may take you, but afeo she may offer to bet you a pair of gloves that you don’t. Do not take risks. You may have heard that some men propose suddenly- and spontaneously. “It’s a fine day. Will you marry me?” they are credited with saying, to which the legendary response is: “Oh, it’e so sudden. I never expected it.” That shows you that this style of proposing is quite mythical. No woman would answer like that. Bless you, if a man only thinks of thinking about proposing, a woman knows. It’s never sudden to her.

Following fiction, you may think of “whispering the words into her shelllike ear”—but there is the possibility that she will not hear them, especially if she dre.sses her hair in the newer fashions. If you are going to propose, the most reliable way is to look awkward, and then stammer: “There is something I want—to say—er—to you—at least —I mean—that is to say —will you—l don’t know how to put it, but——” After that the proposal works out automatically’, so far as you are con-

cerned. You can safely leave the rest ®f it to the lady. She will understand perfectly. Mind you, I take no responsibility for your proposing. That's your look-out. latter, there are before you two prospects—matrimony or a breach of promise case. Choose the latter—it does not last so long. Indeed, you will remember marriage for the rest of your life—it will probably seem even longer than that. But you will not remember much about a breach of promise case after it is all over. You ■will have vague memories of a lawyer whose sole endeavour was to make you say the wrong thing in the right place. You will lose all respect for yourself as a writer of letters. Also, you will retain impressions of a set of dullards ■who returned an utterly fatuous verdict. But if you pursue your proposal to its bitter end and get married, you'll have, oh! such a lot to remember—when it’s too late. F.W.