Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 13, 28 September 1910, Page 75

Anecdotes and Sketches.

CRAVE, GAY, EPIGRAMMATIC AND OTHERWISE.

Always Cheerful. /7»OME time ago there was a flood Vt ill British Columbia. An old fellow who had lost nearly everything he possessed was sitting on the roof of his house as it floated along when a boat approached. ‘‘Hello, John!” “Hello, ■Have!” “Are your fowls all washed away, John?” "Yes, but the ducks can nwiim,!’ replHed the old mailt “Apple trees gone?” “Well, they said the crop Would be a failure, anyhow.” “I see the flood’s away above your window.” 'That’s all right, Dave. Them winders needed washin’ anyhow.” Remembered His Manners. “You boy over in the corner!” cried the man behind the desk. The boy over in the corner shot up like a bolt. “Answer this,” continued the examiner: “Bo we eat the flesh of the whale?” 1 “Y-y-yes, sir,” faltered the scholar. “And what,” pursued the examiner, “do we do with the bones?” “P-please, sir,” responded the boy, “we 1-leave them on the s-s-«sides of our p plates.” s>-s>•s> Fletcherising Under Difficulties. “Bobby,” said his mother, “sit up straight and don’t tuck your napkiii under your chin. I’ve told you hundreds of times ” “There!” exploded Tommy; “you've made me lose the count! I don't know now whether it's two hundred and fiftysix or three hundred and titty-six times I’ve ehewed this claml”

Difficult. A small hoy returned from the home of his grandparents and was told that while he was away the stork had brought him a baby brother. “Go right in and see him,” said his aunt. “I’d rather see the stork!” replied the boy.

He was a “ Crack ” Singer. At a Yorkshire inn there is a pianist who can vamp to any song that any singer wishes to sing. He cannot read a note of music. Yet in the local phrase, “he can play owt.” Recently, however, he met with an unexpected check. A new volunteer hummed over the air, but the pianist failed to get the key. “Let’s try it again,” he said, and they tried it again. Still it was of no use. A third trial brought no better result. Then the pianist turned on the singer in anger, and said — “Sitha. aw’ve tried tha’ on t’ white ’uns, aw’ve tried tha’ on t’ black ’uns, an’ aw’ve tried tha’ on t’ black and white ’uns mixed. It’s no use; tha's singing between t’ cracks.”

“ Yes.” “Yes” is a simple word, spelled with three letters. It has caused more happiness and more unhappiness than any other word in t’hQ language. It has lost more money for easy lenders than all the holes in all the pockets in the world. It has started more dipsomaniacs oil their career than all the strong liquor on earth. It has caused more fights than all the “ You’re a liars” that ever were spoken. It has procured kisses and provoked blows. It has defeated candidates and elected scoundrels. It has been used in more lies than any other expression. It is not meant half the time it is said. Will it continue to make such a record? Yes. <£«s><s> Not His Fault. “I wish.” said the impatient parent, “the young fellow who is calling on Christabel would go away, and let us get the house shut up. Il’s past midnightl” Al. that moment there entered tho small boy of tin* household. lie had bton. for the last hour or so, behind the draught tserevn in the drawingroom, ami vowed that he had enjoyed himself better than if he hid been al a Punch and Judy show. “It. isn’t his fault, pa." said the heir of the Smiths, “lie can’t go; ( ‘hristabel’s sit I ing on him ! ’’ <•> ■s> Mark Twain on Babies. I like the idea that a baby doesn’t amount to anything! Why, oilrt baby is just a house and a front yard full 'by itself; one l»aby can furnish more business th.i n \ nii and your whole interior department can attend to*, he is enterprising, irrepressible. brimful of law* less activities; do what you please. you can’t make him sta\ on the reserv at ion. Sufficient unto the da\ is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't yon ever pray for twins. Twins iimoimt to a permanent riot; ami there ain’t any real dilb-reii c between triplets and insurrection. ** *** # T ft