Anecdotes and Sketches.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLIV, Issue 4, 26 January 1910, Page 71

Anecdotes and Sketches.

Grave ana Epigrammatic and Other wise.

Not by Aesop. /TTA RS. HEN, having performed her a I B oviparous function, took a con--5I j stitutional around the yard. / Returning to her nest, she found i.t empty and clucked angrily. “What’s the trouble, ma’am?” asked the rooster. “Tt’s mighty funny,” she grumbled, ‘‘that I can never find things where I lay them.” «><s><& Pity the Poor “ Cub.” A "cub” reporter was sent out by the city editor to get a story on the marriage of a young society girl and a man well known in the eity. The “cub” was gone about an hour, and then returned and went aimlessly over to his desk, by which he sat down. Shortly afterwards the city editor noticed his presence and his evident idleness. “Here, kid!” shouted the superior, “why aren’t you at work on that wedding?” “Nothin’ doing,” replied the boy. “Nothing doing? What do you mean? Didn't the wedding take place?” “Nope; the bridegroom never showed up, so there aint nothin’ to write.” s><s>❖ A Useful Remedy. Little Jamie, aged three, was playing with his litStafcjvnd, Jack. At the' time Jamie a rather heavy ’•old, and was sneezing quite often. Jack’s mother heard him several timafeand sympatheticaly asked, “Why, Jdiijjt what a could you have! Doesn't give you anything for it?” “Yes, ma'am,” Jamie very answered; "she gives me a clean handkerchief,” whereupon he produced the pr>" Scribed “remedy."

Lost in Antiquity. A little fellow who h.aa just felt the hard side of the 'slipper turned to his mother for consolation. “Mother,” lie asked, “did grandpa thrash father when he was a little boy?” “Yes,” answered his mother impressively. “And did his father thrash him when he was little?” “ Y es.” “And did his father thrash him?” “Yes.” A pause. “Well, who started the thing, anyway?”

Such Foolish Questions. Mother: “You were a long time in the conservatory with Mr. Willing last night, my child. What was going on?” Daughter: “Did you ever sit in the conservatory with papa before you (married him ?” Mother: “I suppose I did.” Daughter: “Well, mamma, it’s the same old world.” <?><•><» An Expert. "Do you know what to do if the auto should break down?” asks the thoughtful mother of the young man who is going to take her daughter out in hit new runabout. “Certainly,” he answered. The young people were quite late in returning. The fair young daughter rushed in to her mother and said:— "Oh, mamma! The auto did break down, but Jack knew exactly what to do. We —we are engaged!”

Concentration. “ My daughter,” says the first mother proudly, “is the most popular girl in town. Why, we counted them up one day, and she has no less than fifty-three gentlemen admirers. Isn’t, that splendid! It must seem so very different to have a daughter like your Irene, who has but tile one suitor.” “ Yes,” crisply retorts the other mother; “ but 1 would beg you to remember that my daughter has lauded her one beau, while your daughter is wondering which of the fifty-three is coming to the point.” <s><£>•s> Possibilities. A chocolate darky and his ”yaire» girl were walking along together. “il'se skeered mos’ to def, Rast us.” “What am yo’ skeered oh. woman?” “I’se skeered yo'se gwine to kiss me.” “How kin I kiss yo' when i'se got a bucket on ma haid, a wash pot in oh* han’, an’ a turkey gobbler in de udder?” “Oh, well, yo’ fool I wuz thinkin’ yer could set de bucket ob watah on de groun’, put de turkey down am’ turn de wash pot ova.lt him, den set me on de wash pot, frow yo’ ahms round me, nn' des hep yo'sef.” *>■?><» Tough, This Being a Dog. The dog killed half a dozen sheep Said he, "That is quite natural; I am only doing what any dog would do.” The street car company ran only halt enough cars. Said the director, "The dividends are in the straps; all the linen do that.” The merchant arranged for a rebate on freight. He said, "That is business; I am only doing what any merchant would do.” The dz.g was condemned as * public nuisance and shot. ♦ ♦ ♦ Miss Honielcigh—Perhaps you woas't believe it, but a strange man tried to kiss mo once. Miss Cutting—RJcallyt Well, he’d have been a strange man if he'd tried to kiss you twice.

POULTRY NOTE. “Gee whiz! the hen who laid these eggs must have fed on ■late#.”