Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLIII, Issue 20, 17 November 1909, Page 72

Our Funny Page

DIVERSE TACTIOS. Doth boys had been rude to their mother. She put them to bed earlier ■than usual, and then complained to their father about them. So lie started up the stairway, and. they heard him coming. “Here comes. papa,”, said Maurice. “I’m going to make believe I’m asleep.” “I’m not,” said Harry. “I’m going to get up and put something on.”

A USELESS INVENTION. “I'm introducing a brand-new inven-tion—-a combined talking-machine, car-pet-sweeper, and a letter-opener,” said the agent, stepping briskly into an office. “(lot one 'already,” said the proprietor. “I’m .married 1 ”

He: “You know, Clara, about the diamond engagement ring I want to give you, diamonds have gone up so —” She: “Oh, you dear boy! How sweet of you to want to make sacrifices to prove your loved”

WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS. He—“ You don’t know how nervous I was when I proposed to you!” She—“ And you don’t know how nervous I was until you did so!”

“Didn’t srotme idiot propose to you before our marriage?” '“Certainly.” “Then you ought to have married him.” “That’s just what I did.”

CORRECTED. “Majah,” announced the Colonel, “I'll bet I’ve sweat no less than seventeen gallons!” “Begging your pardon, Runnel,” returned the Major, desisting from a long libation, “gentlemen don’t sweat; they perspire. Horses sweat.” “Well, then,” returned the now irritated Colonel, glaring at the calm and contented critic of his diction, “by gad, isuh, I’m a boss!”

“Look ’ere, if you win this race you're on ’alf a quid.** ‘‘And if 1 lose?” ‘‘You’ll be on an ambulance!’*

“In my opinion, a woman should not go alone to restaurants.” “On account of conventions?” “No; because she is obliged to pay the bill!”

“ She's just dying to get her daughter married.” Tlie Brute: “ Yes, but what other inducement is she ofi'ering?”

FOR SUBURBANITES. Combination Lawn-mower and Music-box

FOR PROHIBITION STATES. Surreptitiously suggested to some philanthropist.

Another mile and a half to slide before I can get assistance.