Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 20, 19 May 1909, Page 72

Our Funny Page

THE AMATEUR.

Rack all his stories come; He tries again. Uope springs eternal from A fountain pen.

FLEE AS A BIRD.

Fame Is just like a fleeting bird; Th not of tn’ieh avail To even try- the old-time dodge Of salt upon its tai’.

SYD DID.

There was a young fellow named Syd, Who kissed a girl on the eyelid; Said the girl to the Ind, ’ ‘•Your aim’s very bad. ■You should practise a bit”—so he did.

&ORBY HE MISSED THE FUN.

Office boy: Please, -sir, a gentleman ©ailed when yon was out. Editor: What did he want I Office boy: He said he had come to give you a good thrashing. Editor: Did he! What did you tel! him? Office boy: I said. 1 was sorry yoa wasn't in.

THE CAUSE.

A VAUs-’fa, Little Wile: Grandad. what makes a man always give a woman a diamond •■ogageineat ring. Ijr iwdfatanri The woman.

ACUTE.

‘"That brother-in-law of yours seems to have a pretty good opinion of himself.’’ “I would hardly put it in as mild a form as that. He is thoroughly Bernard Shawed,"

HIS CHOICE.

The landlady: What part of the chicken will you have, Mr. Newcomer? Mr. Newcomer: A little of the outside, please.

LEAUXG THE OLD HOME.

“Alas, I fear that we shall loose ths old home place!" wept the Eskimo, as the spring sun commenced to shine on his house.

A MANAGING HUSBAND.

Old friend: Your plan is a most excellent one; but do you think your wife will agree to it? Married man: Oh, yes. 11l tell her someone else sssggested it, and I’ll call it an Idiotic idea.

HE LED THE CLASS.

Teacher—“ When the war broke out, all the able-bodied men who could leave their work joined the army. Who can tell me what motives took them to the front?" Bright Boy—‘'Locomotives."

KNEW HIS SON.

Photographer (to young bsMi It will make a much better picture if you put your hand on your father's shoulder. The Father: Huh! It would be much more natural if he had his hand in my pocket.

WHAT SHE DIDN’T TELL.

She never told her love Twas time to go. But father, from above. Soon let him know.

WARNING.

“He who takes a wife taken care* la that there’s no mistake; Although it very much depends Upon whose wife you take.

CERTAIN PROOF.

Judge—You have not yet established the prisoner's insanity. Attorney—But, your Honor, we mean to introduce witnesses to show that the prisoner habitually argues polities with women.

ENUMERATED.

“How many speeds has your automobile!" “Three,” answered Mr. Chuggins; “alow, slower, an’ stop.”

HAIL TO THS PIGSKIN.

Tear ’em up! and Hit the line! Sash ’em, mash ’em! Rah, rah, fine! Eat ’em! beat ’em! Whoop and eheerl Gentle football Season’s here!

Old Lady: “I’ve brought this porous plaster back. There are a lot of holes fat Chemist's Assistant: “Quite so, madam. They are to let tire pain out!”

A GOOD SON-IN-LAW.

Mother-in-law: “Oh, to see Naples and then die!” Son-in-law; “To-morrow we start travelling.”

“ Grandpa, would you mind making a noise like a frog’” “ What do you mean, my child —a noise like a frog! ’’ “ Well. I overbend father say that if you would only croak he would come Inta a fortune."