Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 19, 12 May 1909, Page 72

Our Funny Page

s..e: “It’s impossible for me to dresson three hundre da year.” He: “Well, r.iy love., you must wear less.” She: “Don’t be silly! You know perfectly well that the less I wear the more it costs!”

nat hopeful. Old golf professional: No, ye'll no mak’ a gowffer—ye've begun over late, and ye’ve owcr muckle pottle; but it's juist possible if ye pr-raetise harrd. verra harrd, for t va-three years, ye mlcht Jones (expectantly): Yes? Professional: Ye mi -lit begin to live a glimmer that ye’ll never ken the r-rudi-ments o’ the game. ENFANT TERRIBLE. Nephew (to aunt who has come on a visit): You h.iv a grip and two packages in each hand, auntie. Auntie: Isn’t that all right* Nephew: Yes; but papa said you always came empty-handed. ADVICE. “Yon's gut to put a certain amount of dependence on yohself,” said Uncle Ebon. “De man dat goes aroun' lo kin' fob too much advice is liable to find kissel in de position of de gemrn m dat gits so interested leadin’ de Uine-taLie dat he misses his train.” the domestic I’as>\vjkd. ‘Ton are not going to stay in town late to-night, are yo::. John?” “Not very late, dearest. I have to help put a man through the third degree ot the lodge. I’ll come straight home es soon as it’s over.” (Kindly, but firmly): “If you can repeat the paaswoA, ‘Six slim slick aaplings,’ distiactly when you come home from the lodge, John, the servant w>H admit you; and if you can’t, you needn't ring. You’ll stay outdde *li night, my dear." John came Lome early.

AN ELASTIC COMPLIMENT. Could anything exceed the politeness cf the Irsh cabby? An old lady called for a cab said to the driver: “Help me to get in, my good man, for I'm a very old lady, you see.'* “Begorrah, ma’am,’’ was his reply, “'no matter what age ye are, ye don’t look it.”

ONE OF THE LAWYERS. Naturalized German (trying to excuse himself from service on jury)—‘But I don’t understand good. English!” Judge (looking at lawyers who are to try the case) —“Don’t worry. You won't hear any here!”

A BLUNDER SOMEWHERM Mr. Mcßooney (slightly indisposed) r *Tis not enough ar tlieae pills yez got me, Norah. It says, hegorry, “take from two f four iv’ry noight,” an’ bad cess V thim, Oi’ve took thiin all an’ ’tis only quarter, past three. BEST WISHES. “What do you think!” exclaimed the theatrical star, proudly. “They are going to name a new cigar after me.” "Well,” rejoined the manager, “here’s hoping it will draw better than you do.”

Exceedingly Absent-minded Professor (intently studying the mud splashes on stranger’s coat) : “Yes, it’s ridiculously simple—black to play and win in 15 moves—but surely I can find a more interest ng soluton than that*” UNUSUAL. “Yes; we were disappointed in ths peasantry.” “As to how?” “They always seemed to be working We never found them dancing or singing in chorus.” THE POINT OF VIEW . “Do you think we ought to have a bigger army and a larger navy?” “Oh, yes,” replied the beautiful girl. “It would be so nice if all the boys at the dances could appear in uniform, with epaulettes and braided collars.” COGENT REASON. Young Man: Why do yon advise Miss Smith to go abroad to study music? You know she has no talent. Old Man: I live next door to Miss Smith.

Schoolmistress (interrupting speech on the duties of a schoolmaster) i u 2<ow, perhaps Mr Dryboaea will tell IM •ome of the duties of a schoolmistress?" Mr Drybanes: “Madam, ‘schoolmaster’ embraces ‘schoolmislreaal ’ ■