Misrepresenting George.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 6, 10 February 1909, Page 37

Misrepresenting George.

(By

MAX ADELER.)

Early last winter the manager of the little theatre in our town produced a sensational, patriotic drama entitled "The American Spy.” The play included all the prominent patriots of the Revolution. and among them, of course, General Washington. This part, however, was not one of the leading figures of the drama, and it was entrusted to a somewhat inexpert supernumerary, named McGann. After the first performance the manager sent for McGann, and conversed with him as follows upon the subject of his manner of representing the immortal Washington: Manager: "McGann, I don't exactly like the way you play your part. It lacks dignity and refinement; it is inartistic. ami it isn't just to the noble old hero whom you represent.” McGann: "1 dunno about that. What's the matter with it?” Man.: "Why, I noticed, for instance, that four times during the camp-scene at Valley Forge you wiped your nose on your sleeve: and while you were crossing the Delaware at Trenton you actually blew your nose with your fingers. Now, General Washington, McGann, used a pocket handkerchief, and when he couldn't get a pocket handkerchief he permitted his immortal nose to go unwiped. That's the way he did it, as you might have ascertained if you had paid any attention to history.” McGann: "I dunno as history says anything about George's nose.” Man.: "I was also mortified to observe that during the tableau of ‘Washington at prayer’ out in the woods, you spit tobacco juice a couple of times, and finally took a fresh chew just as the curtain was about to descend. You know mighty well. MeGann, that the general didn't chew tobacco, and assuredly not while he was saying his prayers.” MeGann: "I dunno whether he did or not ?’’ Man.: "Well, I know, and I don't want it to occur again. You ought to have been more careful of your language, too. 1 noticed that when the messenger announced to you the discovery of Arnold’s treason, you exclaimed ’Gosh!’ and when

they asked you to let up on Major Andre you said, ‘No, blamed if I do!’ Now, there was nothing of that kind in the text, and the old hero never used any language of the sort. Several persons laughed last night; and once, when you were crossing the Delaware in a boat, and a soldier accidentally knocked oil your hat with his gun, and you said to him, ’Do that ag’in and I’ll bust the whole head off you,’ two of the audience who revere the memory of the great Washington got up and left the house in disgust.” McGann: "I dunno as they did.” Man.: "The relations of the general with Mrs W., I believe, were of an exceedingly affectionate description; but it appears to me that you exaggerated the fact to an unseemly extent when in the second aet you winked at the woman representing Martha, chucked her under the chin, and presided at the court martial with your arm around her waist. Your attempt to waltz with her during the siege of Yorktown was even more preposterous, and it excited remark. These things violate the truth of history; they must be reformed; the simplest considerations of artistic propriety require it.” McGann: “I dunno that they do.” Man.: "I noticed, also, that when Ben jamin Franklin undertook to -sit down in the Continental Congress, you pulled the chair from under him, and let him drop to the floor; and that in the succeeding act you and Lord CornvZillis took a couple of snifters out of a brandy-flask; and then you became so much intoxicated as to imagine that you belonged in the British army, and had just whipped him at the battle of Gettysburg; and when you had concluded your remarks upon that subject, you came down to the footlights and began to sing that comic song about ‘Ten Little Injins Sitting in a Line,’ and would have finished it if the prompter had not rushed out and dragged you off.” MeGann: “I dunno as I’d a finished it.” Man: "Well, anyway that lets you out as G. Washington. That destroys your usefulness as the representative of the Father of His Country. You can skip. I shall put another man in the part, and recommend you to read up in history, buy a couple of handkerchiefs, and abandon plug tobacco while you are on the stage. Good morning.”

MeGann: “I dunno as it’s a particularly good morning.” Then he went out, and that night a new man tilled the vacant place.