Josh Billing’s Philosophy.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLII, Issue 3, 20 January 1909, Page 2

Josh Billing’s Philosophy.

tine ov the most diskouraging features ov modern eivilizashun that I meet with,, iz the average kuntry hotel. . Impromptu wit iz. the skarcest kind ov wit in market, and allwuss surprizes tho man who utters it. az much az the one who hears it. Mi philosophy teaches tne not to attak tilings allwuss bn the front side whare they are well guarded, but loaf around on the rear side ov them whare they ain't a-looking after me. Most, ov the nuzepaper kritieks are like the striped snaix-—they hav the maliee, but not the tooth. Mi opinyun ov kafs remains unchanged • —1 konsider them a kussid mistake. One grate reazon whi thare iz so liMle happiness iz bekauze thare iz so little imicsense. I don’t kno that a man’s conscience iz infallible, but it eunis the nearest to it ov ennything human. What makes a heap ov trouble in this world is thare iz so menny people who spend their inkum before they git it. I don't kno as it pays to.be even a. good < lown. Clowns seem to be az bud off az liars; when they tell the truth noboddy will believe it. The grate ma jority go cut of this world just az they cum into it; not more than twelve or fifteen people, perhaps, kno or care ennything about it, Jt’ iz so much easier for a genuine humourist, to anmze others than to even satisfy himself. The man who overrates himself iz pretty sure to underrate others, and thus make two blunders insted ov one. Giv me a klear consilience, good heltli, and a stiff bank-account, and enny man may bo President who wants to be. The whole world iz hunting after plezzure, and the grate mistake people. make iz, they are satisfied with an inferior artikle. The virtuous liv three distinkt lifes—the one they look bak upon, the one they now enjoy, and the one that is waiting for them. A man haz no right to be proud even ov a good deed. Lad him humble himself before it, for he kan’t tell how long it will be before he will do a mean one. Cunning anil wisdum are often confounded, bitt thare iz nothing so plenty az cunning, nor nothing so skarse az wisdnm. Men ov real knolledge are more anxious) to git sum more than, they are to slid what they hav got. All thoze men who hav acquired a fortune and kept it owe more to ekoneiny than to shrewdness. If you are. going to make amuzements a stiddy bizzness, chasing, butterflys iz just az sensible az enny.