Golfing Tales and Tips.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 21, 18 November 1908, Page 13

Golfing Tales and Tips.

FUN ON THE LINKS.

(By

TOM VARDON.)

* suppose that there are few games tabulated to appear more mysterious to the uninitiated than golf, but that there Is a tremendous lot in the game is proved!, I think, by the devotion of its numerous votaries. Its apparently mysterious character fs doubtless responsible for many of the golfing anecdotes which one hears, and which, for humour, are certainly not behind the tales that deal with any other field sport. Who, for instance, has not smiled over the story of the gentleman who knew nothing about the game, but determined to take it up, learning it beforehand from its written im.tructions? With this worthy end in view, he wrote to a certain firm of universal providers who undertake to supply anything from a teaspoon to an elephant, requesting them to forward! him the implements necessary for the game, together with full printed instructions. In due course these arrived, and, after close study, he managed to identify the various clubs, etc., but found that there was one thing (and that apparently an essential) which was missing— TO WIT, THE “LINKS!” Search as he would, he could not find it (or them), so in the end he sat down and wrote a letter to the providers, blaming them for their evident carelessness in overlooking so important an item. Their surprise on receipt of the letter can perhaps be imagined better than described. Then, again, there. was the non-golfing .spectator, who, on returning from a short visit to St. Andrews, greatly edified his golGng acquaintances by assuring them that for the true St. Andrews “swing” Mie caddie ought to be swung right round your head—not half-wav round, as some men do it, you know! The language of golfers has long been a most fruitful •source of anecdote, and reminds me of the Frenchman who was met. carrying his clubs, one morning by a young lady of his acquaintance. “Ah. I am so glad to see that you*play golf,” she exclaimed cheerfully. “But, no, mademoiselle,” was his doleful response; “J no play him yet.” ■Then, brightening considerably, he added “I ALREADY SPEAK ZE LANG CAGE, THOUGH!” Evidently the gentleman considered that in this particular he had made an ink portant step towards mastering the sciefice of the game. If the golfer is often remarkable for his powers of language, this is not his only peculiarity, since another of his weaknesses is undoubtedly his readiness to lay the blame for a bad stroke upon anything and anyone except himself. A story illustrating this little weakness which always rather tickles my fancy was that concerning a choleric old colonel, who had always been accustomed to play golf at an inland resort in the South of England. Upon one occasion, however, he was induced to try a round On a seaside links where he had never played before, where he gave so very bad an exhibition that his partner at last had the temerity to hint that he was a bit off his game that day. “ Off my game,” spluttered the exasperated old soldier in reply ; “I should think so, indeed! Who the dickens could play decent golf WITH THOSE CONFOUNDED SHIPS sailing up and down the Channel ?” Here he pointed to one or two tiny specks that slowly moved along the distant horizon. It is, of course, only natural that the caddies on the links should get to know the weaknesses of the players well enough to be able to extract no small advantage therefrom, in the shape of tips, and a story which illustrates this may well be told at this juncture. There was upon the St. Andrews Links not many years ago a eaddy known as “Long Willy,” who in his knowledge of the weaknesses of the various players coming under his notice easily surpassed all his fellows. Now, amongst others, there ■was one player, an old gentleman with very short sight, who played a worse game of golf than anyone else upon those links. So hopeless was he, In tact, that it was with difficulty that he ever found anyone to play with him. Under these circumstances, “ Long Willy” would lead him off to a quiet spot, and there te.e up several balls for the old gentleman to drive. The balls seldom travelled further than twenty or thirty yards, but

“Long Willy’’ overcame this difficulty by stationing a email boy in ambush at this distance, with instructions to pick up the balls and carry them to a distance of 15Ode away. Then, at eaxii of tile old gentleman's heroic efforts, "Long Willy” would exclaim admiringly, “Ah—b—h! Wall, noo, did anybody ever see the like?” at the same time, shading his eyes with his hand as though to watch the course of the golf ball travelling through distant space. Then, when they came to move on, the player was invariably delighted to find the tremendous distance over which he had managed to drive, and in the end “Long Willy” never failed to depart richer by half a crown, sixpence of which went to the urchin who had carried and placed the balls. The only thing that puzzled the old gentleman was why he could never drive like this when he happened to be engaged in a match! HOW TO BECOME A GOOD GOLFER, is, indeed, a moot point. Some people recommend practise of one kind or another, while others maintain that, like poets, golfers are born, not made. It is really impossible to lay down any hard and fast rules in the matter, but it is easy to put one’s finger upon the mistakes that are made every day by wOuld-be golfers. Loss of temper must upset a man’s game more effectively than almost anything else, and another fruitful source of extra strokes arises from over-eager-ness on the part of the player. For instance, it is often an irresistible temptation for a man who has got into a bad lie to try and get a long ball byusing a brassy where probably a niblick would serve the purpose more effectively. The result of such methods is too often most disastrous, and means the piling up cf strokes which. with proper judgment, would never have become necessary at all. Perhaps the best advice to the man who wishes to improve his game is that he should watch the methods of the best players and try to imitate to the best of his ability the means by which they reach the desired end. Then if they do not improve they can always fall back on the other theory—that golfers are born, not made!