FACTS, FANCIES, QUIPS & COMMENTS

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 6, 5 August 1908, Page 10

FACTS, FANCIES, QUIPS & COMMENTS

FROM THE AUSTRALIAN PAPEUA.

Said the Rev. Howell Price recently, regarding drinking habits in New South Wales: —"Young women in their teens take intoxicants without shame —strong wines, drink whisky, quench their thirst again and again with the best champagne —do it until their cheeks grow red and the eyes grow bright, and, perchance, before the evening is spent the feet grow unsteady. Not only do our young women do that, but our middleaged women do the same thing." ❖ Kingston never wasted words. When he drafted bills for the first Commonwealth Government, people who were used to old, diffuse draughtsmanship, gasped at his brief, conclusive snap—"Penalty, £10." But he was the same 27 years ago, when he made his will, This was the whole document: —“I, Charles Cameron Kingston, of Adelaide, solicitor, by this my last will, give all my estate, real and personal, to my wife, Lucy May Kingston, whom I appoint sole executrix hereof. C. C; Kingston.” And the. man knew his own mind bo well that it stood at that to the end. <♦><•>s■ In a story in the “Boys’ Own Paper,” Dr. Gordon Stables, a popular English writer for boys, lands his hero in Queensland, and makes him witness a snakebanquet, as follows: —“The reptile was over 20ft. in length, and had been cooked whole. Dragged out of the- cookingstove, it was turned around till its head touched its tail, thus forming a circle. Grace having been offered up, in the shape of the strongest clubbing the weakest to make room for them, the natives sat down to lunch, side by side, all around the snake, each being allowed •\out a foot of snake.” The other day the keeper of a swell restaurant in Melbourne was asked to explain how certain milk, that his employee had sold to a customer, managed to be 59 per cent, water. The customer —an inspector, it happened—asked for “ a glass of milk.” Ho was thirsty, so he ordered four glasses. Then he put portions of the four samples into bottles, and had the Bluff analysed. He had paid 3d per glass, equal t-j 1/- a quart; and as the Victorian Dairy Farmers’ Association’s present price is 1/- a gallon, the restaurant-keeper stood to make- 300 per cent, profit, even if he supplied absolutely pure milk. But, apparently, a mere 300 per cent, wasn’t any use to him. Al court he admitted having put four quarts of water into a 50-gallon can of milk, “to make it more palatable to the customers." <•> <S> S> “Reasons of State’’ will prevent the British China squadron soming to Australia to participate in the welcome- to the American fleet. Probably tire chief reason of State is a desire to avoid an exposure of Britain’s naval nakedness in these waters. Britain has the greatest fleet on the seas, but by reason of the free trade which makes the country dependent on foreign food supplies, and the •decay of the military forces under tho voluntary system, it has to gather its ships round its own coasts and stand on the defensive. If every British warship between Suez and Valparaiso was mustered, the whole fleet couldn’t fight the best Jap or U.S. battleship. It is better for Britain to stand on its dignity, and say it isn’t taking any, than to gather the pathetic scraps together in the presence of the Uncle >Sam armada and say, "This is the whole blessed lot." ❖ Up North they arc telling weird and disquieting tales of how Japanese survey boats arc making charts of the Barrier Reef. Of course, it is not being done openly, and tho boats engaged on the work are ostensibly becho-de-mer fishers. One Queensland sea-slug hunter relates how he surprised a boat taking soundings, while an officer on deck

was engaged in doing something with a large sheet of paper fastened l to a drawing board. Immediately the Queensland boat hove alongside the sounding was suspended, and the drawing-board carefully covered up, while the Japs, suave as ever, gave the Queenslander the water he was short of. This boat was working South. A couple of days later he fell in with another boat of the same sort, working north, from which he concludied that the Japanese Admiralty’s survey of the Barrier Reef is just about complete. The Sydney bottle-oh and rabbit merchant is up against trouble. Not long ago the Second Hand Dealers’ Act was passed, and this makes him take out a license, and puts him to no end of trouble. Now, the Local Government Act is in force, and under this glorious statute, councils arc empowered to levy license fees on all street purveyors of merchandise. Sydney contains about 40 such councils, and each one is reaching out for licnso fees. So the bottle-oh, who can't always tell when he reaches the end of one pocket-handkerchief borough, and is into the next, is expecting more trouble and more expense. Apparently he will require 41 licenses—a general one ,andl 40 municipal ones. If the .State devoted as much attention to the big land monopolists as it does to the empty bottle merchants, it would be much better for the State. ❖ ❖ <» A MAORI’S FENCING CONTRACT. “Lof” writes from Dargaville to the "Bulletin":— “During a five years’ sojourn in this much-boosted country, I have often heard it claimed for the Maori that he possesses massive intellect, excels in business, is a great toiler, and is generally the boss coloured man of the globe, and better than most whites—outside the land of the Prohibition craze. "I have long suspected the solidity of tho argument, and have just had the suspicion duly sealed, signed and delivered. “On tenders being called by Brass and Co. for falling and burning off ti-tree on certain land and the fencing thereof, my mate and I decided to take a hand. We calculated carefully, didn’t spring too high, and felt pretty onfident. "But we- struck a cow’s nest in one Hone Tangiporangi—(as near as I can get)—who, roused by the present record slump in kauri gum and the attendant dearth of beer, brought the alleged massive intellect to bear, tendered about 7:J furlongs below us, and got the job. Ignoring several good camping places on the outskirts, Hone elected to roost on a partially-cleared spot near the centre of the job, and, with the help of his browner half and numerous progeny, hr- built the whare. Then he drowsed and smoked for two days, and after that, backed by his spouse and braoed by the leaps and yells of his dirty small fry, he solemnly started —to build tho fence. “Hone-didn’t make the pace a very fast gallop, but in due. time the five-wired obstruction became an accomplished fact. Thereupon Brass was .gently tapped for enough money to pay for five days’ drunk. “On being granted pratique by the local publican, Hone and Co. again waded in with the-small fry yelling very faintly now. He- waded at such reduced speed that the major portion of the ti-tree was in fair burning order by the time chopping was finished. Then Hone fired up and let her rip. She proved a pretty good ripper, with a taste for fences. “Mooching round this afternoon on the off-chance of flooring a stray pheasant for the camp pot, I saw the scene of ‘me coloured brudder’s’ undoing. Of the once boshler fence only an occasional post remained. The stringers had vanished, except some stunted bits suspended by the top wire. Glancing across the stream towards the whare, I made out a queer wreck, bearing much indication of having fought a game but losing battle in a public house with a six-engine Bendigo special. It was Hone, and he had beer-leaves in his hair.”