Anecdotes and Sketches

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 5, 29 July 1908, Page 48

Anecdotes and Sketches

REMINDED HIM. A negro pastor was warming up to the climax of his sermon, and his auditors were waxing more and more excited. “I wahns yer, I my congregashun,” exclaimed the exhorter—“l wahns yer against de sin uv fightin’; I wahns yer against de sin of whisky drinkin’ an’ do sin uv chicken robbin’, an’ I wahns yer, my breddem, against de sin uv melon etealin’.” A devout worshipper, in the rear of the church, jumped to his feet and snapped his fingers excitedly. “Whuffo does yer, my brudder, r’ar up an’ snap yo’ fingers when I speak uv melon stealin’?” asked the preacher. “Kaze yo’ jes’ minds me whar I lef mah overcoat,” replied the devout worshipper, as he hurried off. THE LINK THAT BINDS. “Will you marry me?” asked the young man, tenderly. The girl made no reply. “Mildred,” he continued, “I offer you. my heart, my hand, my love, my devotion, my whole life.” Still she was silent. “I lay my proudest ambitions, my brightest hopes, at your feet. Will you not speak, Mildred?” Then at last her lips parted. She said, “W ho owns that grocer’s shop at the corner—you or your brother?” “I do.” “Well, why didn’t you say that at first?”

CURE NOT PROVED. It is not every one who proves the ineffectualness of insomnia cures at seven years of age. The father of the lad who was about seven years old was a physician, and when the child found difficulty in getting to sleep was ready with advice. “I’ll tell you something that will soon put you to sleep,” he said. “You begin and count slowly up to one hundred, and then another hundred, and so on, and before you know it you’ll be sleeping. Trv it to-night when vou go to bed.” Everything remained quiet that night until the father went to retire. As he passed the boy’s bed a little voice piped: “Papa.” “Yes, my boy.” “What comes after trillions?” But the wakeful youngster's query was not answered; his father had vanished into his own bedroom. HIS FAVOURITE PARABLE. A country clergyman on his round of visits: interviewed a youngster as to his acquaintance with the Bible stories. “My lad,” he said, “you have, of course, heard of the parables?” “Yes, sir,” shyly answered the boy, whose niether had inducted him in sacred history. “Good!” said the clergyman. “Now, which of them do you like best of all ?” The boy squirmed, but at last, heeding his mother’s frowns, he replied: “I reckon I like that one where somebody loafs and fjshes.”

THE PART HE PREFERRED. Joaquin Miller, the poet of the Sierras, is something of a recluse and rarely comes into San Farncisco, but when he does he is made a good deal of a lion. On his last visit he was one of the guests at a rather formal dinner at a friend’s house where he stayed over night. His hostess had known the poet since her childhood, so she felt privileged, next morning, to discourse to him of the beauties of the Parisian gown she had worn the night before —beauties which seemed to have escaped his observation. Mr Miller listened to all that she had to say and remained silent. “But didn’t you really like the dress?” pleaded the lady. “Well,” replied the poet, “I did like part of it well enough.” The lady brightened. “Indeed?” she said. “What part?” “The part you had on,” answered the poet, And that ended the discussion. 4s * ♦ THE RIGHT OF CHALLENGE. Acting on the advice of a prisoner for" whom he was appearing, a barrister challenged four or five jurymen on the ground that they jvere prejudiced against his client. When at last the swearing of the jury was completed, the prisoner leaned over the dock and whispered to his advocate: “The jury’s all right now, Oi think, but Oi want yez to challenge the judge. Oi’ve bin convicted under him three toimes already, and maybe he’s beginning to havo a prejudice agin me.” ♦ > ♦ LUNGS VERSUS RELIGION. The Elder Matron: “You shouldn’t mind the baby crying a little. It strengthens his lungs.” The Younger Matron: “Oh, no doubt; but it weakens his father’s religion so.”

TOO VOLUBLE. xtic famous Dr. Abernethy was supposed to influence people by a brusqueness amounting to absolute rudeness. Ifc is related that one day a very voluble lady took her daughter, who was ill, to see him. “Which of you two wants to consult me?” said Abernethy. “My daughter,” replied the elder woman. i Abernethy then put a question to the girl. Before she had a chance to reply her mother began a long story. Abernethy told her to be quiet, and repeated his question to the girl. A second time the woman began the story, and a second time he told her to be quiet. Then she interrupted him a third time, “Put your tongue out,” he said-to the mother. “But there’s nothing the matter with me,” she exclaimed. “Never mind, put your tongue out,” he commanded. Thoroughly overawed, the woman obeyed. “Now keep it. out,” said Abernethy. And he proceeded to examine the girl. <s> ❖•s> GOOD ENOUGH. She had just received a message through the telephone, and, still holding the receiver to her ear, said to her husband: “The Thompson’s want us to dine with them to-night. Is it good enough?” Before he could speak, over the wire the answer came: “Yes —quite good enough. Come along.”