Bits from the “Bulletin.”

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XL, Issue 19, 6 May 1908, Page 42

Bits from the “Bulletin.”

One of the many sudden Australian claimants to the “Page Millions’’ is already on the back track, a disappointed man. And others are expected to commence streaming for home and mother very shortly.

An enterprising Northern, Territory man lately claimed the Australian bounty for turtle exported as preserved fish. But the Customs has decided that the thing which De Rougemont used as a horse is really a reptile, and. the Government is not paying bounties on exported reptiles.

Women runners arc now in strong demand on the Victorian tracks, and it is reckoned that when the public gets used to them they will be a great draw. A well-known chorus girl is said to be able to knock two seconds off the fastest 100 yards yet done by an Australian she-ped. She ceases padding the calf >to pad the hoof.

Died at Mount Gambier (S.A.), t’other day, aged 85, Mathew Wilson, clerk of the local Council for 35 years. Mount Gambier has another citizen who can beat even this record for billet-stick-ing. Rev. R. A. Caldwell, who shepherds the local Seotchbyterians, has carried the pastoral crook on the same premises for over 44 years. * * * » THE POINT OF VIEW. Sweet and T wenty: “But, daddy, money isn’t everything.” • Sour and Sixty: “No; but it’s the price of everything that’s worth anything.” » « « « .Wellington 1 (M.L.) proposes to hold a concert to raise funds wherewith to buy a lioness for its zoo, because the lion there looks lonely and disgusted, and is perpetually a-lashing-of his caudal appendage; Now, couldn’t the-Government buy a lioness out of the loan money? Almost everything-else has been bought out of the loan money in Maoriland, and this animal- wbiild •sort of round' things off."' '

Have been in h good many backblock towns, but beg to enter CoHarendabri (N.S.W.) for the “wayback” stakes. It is the only town I have ever struck where they still -rely on the old and original water-cask, mounted on the fork of a tree for a sledge, for the town whfer-supply. What they would do in case of a lire I don’t know—unless they ponied beer on it.

From “Melbourne Herald.”—“Sir Tattou Sykes, the famous sporting baronet of Yorkshire, and Lady Sykes were among the audience at the inquest to-day at Ballarat on the body of Mary Graham, t)ie victim of the Vale Park murder.” Blood tells. It matters not Low difficult the path, your true-blue Britisher will see sport wherever it is in progress. .... A MATTER OF DISPOSITION. Mrs. Dipso: “Wretch, you think to excuse yourself with base insinuations against your wife! You know I only take a little when I feel indisposed.” Mr. Dipso: “That’s ri’, m’ dear: and I only take a little when I feel disposed.”

Concerning kissing: Sydney women who are like to die in symphonic pain when they hear the violin played by a master will be pleased to learn that Kubelik's wife will have no objection to their kissing her husband. She has told manager Buckingham so, adding, "It is not my husband they embrace—it is his Ml SIC.” For the rest, the Countess chooses her husband's clothes.

Near Bundamba (Queensland) the other day-, Hames were seen rising out of the ground to a height of 15ft. or so. They came from a disused coal mine where a fire has been burning for nearly two years. The workings go right under the trunk railway line, and a badly astonisacd Railway Department has called Upon the mine-owners to protect the railway property from damage, so that the express train won't, fall right through into the furnace of the late Nebuchadnezzar.

“Ned the Snag” has been the main attraction at the recent Pleasant Sunday Afternoons of the Methodist Mission, Collingwood (Vic.). Edward is well known in Methody circles. He claims to be “one-time champion pugilist of -Westralia.” It is his invariable wont, between hymns, to tell the gasping congregation of his “conversion” in Boulder City, where, one evening, when “the eyes in the toes of his boots” were leading him to a pub bar, he heard a woman’s voice in a mission hall, etc.

WHERE THE SHOE PINCHED.

Grocer: “Well, if your husband’s got work you oughter let me have something ■off your account.” Mrs. Bloggs: “Oh, ’e's workin’ all right, but -I don't get no money from ’im. Y’see, ’e's doin' six months’ hard.”

The sickening railway accident at Braybrook ( Vic.), where two express trains collided, and horribly slew between 40 and .50 people, and mangled many more to the accompaniment of blazing carriages and a fearsome odour of burnt flesh, was the typical American horror. They do their railway smashes in a large way in America, and the story usually includes- the burning carriages and the dreadful smell of fried passenger. In this connection it is significant to note that Victoria has a Canadian at the head of its railway affairs.

Probably no one . but the cocky’s labourer has the same.experience of unpaid overtime as the clerk; and as the cocky’s labourer doesn’t work by gaslight, even he doesn't know the overtime that some clerks work. (He certainly starts work earlier, but that, as a benevolent cocky remarked when he roused Bill at 3 a.m., “gives an appetite for breakfast.”) The Clerks’ Union has information about one clerk-who, after toiling back for a-week till II o'clock, distressed his- senior officer by wanting to catch the 10.30 train one night. The senior told him that he seemed to have no interest in his -work.

The. swiftness of the 1 Yankee islfeyond all question. The" Other day st''young Victorian returned from the U.S. as a full-blown doctor; he had acquired- in one year in Yankeeland a medical degree which couldn’t have been secured in Australia except by seven years’ hafd study. And even then that young Victorian didn’t know- his way around, for there are Private Enterprise colleges' in the U.S. which will give a high-class medical degree to a plumber inside ten minutes if the plumber pays for it. And the absurd Victorian law, which recognises U.S. medical degrees instead of putting them at the back of the fire, compelled the Board to register this person as a duly qualified medical practitioner.

N.S.W.’s mouldy old Parliament House is to be renovated some more. It is probably the most patched and repaired building of any importance in the Commonwealth, and every successive Government ties a new rag on the old garment. The verandah is to be abolished and an expensive facade put in its place; a flight of steps is to extend along the whole length; the railings that the Freetrade unemployed used to paint at Christmas are to be removed; and a new Legislative Council hall is to lie built. And by the time this last job is completed N.S.W. will have just about decided to do without a Legislative Council, and will be starting afresh on sensible principles.

The passing of the wind-jammer has had tire effeet'of contracting the recruiting ground for deep-sea officers, and of late the difficulty of officering their ex-

panding fleets has' loomed up increasingly before the inter-State companies. It grows more Mid more difficult to find Australian traHied officers in any quantity, and the Australian shipping cos. are partially dependent on the Britisher. But the latter' is a fish out of these waters. He has to learn the local conditions before he is of any use. The Union Co. of MaOtiland has decided on a licroic’ measure. It has purchased the Dartford, u big tramp sailer, and is running the vessel in the coal trade troia

Newcastle to Maoriland ports as a sort of cadet ship for the training of future officers. The experiment is. being closely watched, and, if successful, will probably • bo copied by Australian companies.

In <r small, grimy, unpretentious office hid away high above the busy street, I do my daily toil. It is a most ifiiprds-perous-looking office l ., - Unfortunately- its looks do not belie it.* Yet it seems to have a fatal attraction for all the hawkers, canvassers, touts, pedlars, kerb-stone merchants, wandering inventors; and all the other strays in Melbourne. All day long they .besiege me assiduously. I fear I must look easy. It is marvellous the variety of investments I, am offered — from shares in a syndicate for re-forming sawdust into building timber to bulletproof pyjamas for co-respondents. But perhaps the hardest person to deal with is- the. battered ex - cleric, who forces tracts on me, and inquires anxiously as to my spiritual welfare, and who finally comes into the open and weepfully demands beer-money.

THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN

The British Minister at Pekin is going to Canton, to interview, on behalf of Japan, the Viceroy, regarding the boycott of Japanese goods.—Veios item.

He’s going up to Canton with his gilded sword and hat, To ring the bell, and show his card, and wait upon the mat. He’s rushing up to Canton, is that great and gifted man, A sort of borrowed bagman for the Monkey of Japan.

Take up the White Man’s Burthen—Oh, yes! lift it by the tail! And trudge along the nation’s road, and . - sec the nations pale It is a grimy burthen, and it hath of sin its full, But you’ve’ got it on your shoulder—so Lord help you, Brother Bull!

A veteran contractor handed over his job at Penguin (Tas.) recently, aged 75. T. W. Hungerford came to Victoria front Ireland in the early, 60,’s, and later on crossed over to Maoriland, where, among other sizable doings, lie built the.Bi'unner railway- and the Greymouth harbour works. -He came to N.S.W. in the 80’s; constructed l the Caph Hawke breakwater, drained the big swamp .at.Gooperno,ojc, and built the Queanbeyan bridge. Then he added a few trifles to the top of Tasmania, the Ulverstone harbour works being among the trifles. When Mr. Hungerford wasn’t busy building something, his usual address was at the “Sign of the ’Oss,” and he bred and raced some speedy steeds in N.S.W. and Maoriland. A few of them were British Lion ( which won the M.L. Cup in ’9l), Whakawatea, Heather Bell, and Wyvern. R. C. Hungerford, Secretary of N.S.W. Trotting Club, is a son of the veteran.