Humorous Paragraphs.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XL, Issue 19, 6 May 1908, Page 41

Humorous Paragraphs.

AN ABORIGINAL ARGUMENT. It was in the summer of 1876, or thereabouts, during the stirring times of the Grey-Sheehan Ministry, that a young and budding lawyer was deputed by a certain “limb of the law” to serve a “blue paper” upon a certain defendant in a coming civil action. The writ having been duly served, the law clerk started on his return home, and in order to save money for his own pocket, decided to return by way of second class, and did so accordingly. At one of the stations en route a big burly native entered the carriage, the writer and he being the only occupants, and the train proceeded on its way. The said native turned out to be a bit “boosy,” but a strong Ureyite. Sitting opposite to the legal emissary, bo made a voracious grin, and said, “Kapai Sir George Grey.”

“Ah, no," said the pakeha. “Kakinono good the Grey.” The said "nigger" put his brawny paw underneath the seat, and took thereout a carpet bag containing a greenstone “mere” of large dimensions, and, glaring at the writer, seized him by the “furlock,” and cried, “Once! twice!" and paused a minute; so the said law clerk, thinking discretion the better part of valour, cried out, “Oh yes! Kapai Sir Geo. Grey!" at which the wily Maori laughed, released the hair of my head, and sat down, and silence reigned again. However, at the next station the writer gladly paid the difference in fare, and speedily changed carriages, counting himself lucky to have escaped with a. sound cranium. The above is an original story, and the events happened to the writer many years ago. [This paragraph reached us too late to be adjudicated upon in the competition.] DRESSING THE JOINT. A lady had issued invitations for a dinner party, and a few days before the event was to take place she and her general servant had a difference of opinion, with the result that the general left in a huff. After some trouble, a raw country girl, who had some knowledge of cooking, was engaged, and very minute instructions were given her as to her duties. The lady was somewhat fearful as to what sort of a dinner would be served, but the soup and fish were so excellent that all her fears vanished. The fish was cleared away, and the joint should then have come in. Some minutes elapsed, but still no joint, so the hostess rang the bell. Another interval of several minutes, and then the maid appeared in tears, bearing a dish, the chief features of which were the youngest son's new suit of clothes. “Why, Mary, what have you got there?” said the hostess. “It’s the joint, ma’am. You told me to dress it well, and as I couldn’t find the proper clothes I put Master tommy's new suit, on it. I’m afraid it don’t look very well, ma’am." The guests went off into roars of laughter, and the dinner proceeded minus a joint. AND HOME MIKE WENT The old soldier was in a talkative mood. “Did 1 ever see Wellington? Why, of course 1 did. 1 was lying on the ground, when I ’card the sound o’ ’osscs’ 'oofs, and soon a voice called out: “‘ls that you, Mike’’ “1 kno wed the voice in a liinstant; it was the Dook of Wellington. “‘Yes, sir,’ acz I, most, respectful. “ Tome ’ere,’ sez the Dook. “1 riz reluctant from the ground, for I was tired out. He sez to me when [ came near him: “ ‘Mike, 1 want you to go back ’onie.’ “ ‘Why ?’ sez I. “ ‘Because you're killing too many people,* sez the Dook. “And 'oine I went.” Our thanks are tendered io all who entered for this interesting competition. Further selections from the humorous paragraphs sent in will lie published in future issues of the “Graphic.”