Here and There

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 12, 23 March 1907, Page 25

Here and There

A Dilemma.

Among the interested visitors at the marine barracks at Washington on one occasion there was a party of young girls from a Maryland town. They proved very much interested in everything pertaining to the life and discipline of tho post. “What do you mean by ‘taps’?” asked one young woman. “Taps are played every night on the bugle,” answered the officer. “It means ‘lights out.’ They play it over the bodies of dead soldiers.” A puzzled look came to the face of the questioner. Then she asked: “What do you do if you haven’t a dead soldier?”

Doing It Thoroughly.

Senator Long, of Kansas, was rather diffident when he went to his first big reception in Washington, at the home of Senator Elkins. Mrs. Long tried to steer him down the line and succeeded admirably. When they had shaken hands with everyone, Long mopped his face, and said: “Well, my dear, I guess 1 got through that all right, and I think I knew everybody with one exception. Tell me, who was that man at the end of the line with whom I shook hands.” “That,” Mrs. Long replied freezingly, “was the butler.”

What it Costs Royalty to be 111.

That old bugbear, the doctor’s bill, is really something worth while —to the doctor—when the patient happens to be a king. Of all the things a man has to pay, there is probably nothing he really grudges quite as much as this. Let the ordinary mortal take heart, however, after reading the fees which royalty pays—-and presumably pays without a murmur. For his four weeks’ attendance at Sandringham, prior to tlie recovery of the king from typhoid fever, in 1871, Sir William Gull received a thousand pounds. Twice this amount was paid to Sir Morell Mackenzie for his treatment of the late Emperor Frederick. The doctors who attended Queen Victoria in her last illness are said to have received two thousand guineas each; while Dr. Lapponi’s skill in removing a cyst from the Pope’s side a few years ago was recompensed with five hundred pounds. Dr. Dinsdale, for his journey to St. Petersburg, and vaccination of the Empress Catharine 11., received ten thousand pounds as his fee, five hundred pounds for travelling expenses and a life pension of £5OO. The fees of the physicians who attended King Edward during the illness which preceded his coronation amounted to more than twenty thousand pounds.

A President’s Troubles.

President Falliores, of Fra nee, recently confided some of his troubles to a reporter of “L’lllustration.” and among the striking features of his lament are these sentences, which seem to show that official cares in republics are much alike even if they are not always given the same treatment: “When the general appears, surrounded by his officers, 1 assure them of the solicitude of the republic, and I thank them for their devotion to the regulations and to the country.- If I go into a chamber of commerce I declare that we are striving victoriously against foreign combinations. To the fanners I promise higher prices, and to the consumers the lowering of the cost of foodstuffs. At the close of bouquets I extol the benefits of mutuality which must peacefully resolve the social question, and, if I touch foreign politics, if is to state that France, conscious of her rights and of her powers, lias no warlike designs. lam obliged to use such phrases, nnd T blush for them. But what can I do? Tn order to be original, shall I own that I am ignorant of the desiderata of the province, nnd that I am only slightly interested in the local budgets? Must I confess that the manufacturers nnd the

merchants of Germany, of England, and of America, compete advantageously against our products? Shall I cry out loudly for war? I do not hide from myself that such a proposition would be coldly received, and might even throw the world in trouble. So I resign myself to the commonplace—that is the will of the high function which has been confided to me.”

Suggestions for Motorists.

If your brake fails to work at a critical moment, run into something cheap. If you desire to make an impression on a young lady, run over her. Common humanity dictates that you stop when the tires are out of wind. By seating your best girl in front with the chauffeur, you will have something pleasant to look forward to during the ride. Should your auto overturn, leave your seat immediately. You should know your brakes or else you may break your rose. If a man gets in our way and is run down, he should apologise. If he is dead, demand an apology from his wife. <S> 3> <S>

The Man.

“Give me the man who can hold on when others let go; who pushes ahead when others turn back; who stiffens up when others weaken; who advances when others retreat; who knows no such word as ‘can’t’ or ‘give up’; and I will show you a man who will win in the end, no matter what opposes him, no matter what obstacles confront him.” Man. i A man’s life is full of crosses and temptations. lie conies into this world without his consent, and goes out against his will, and the trip between the two is exceedingly rocky. The rule of the contraries is one of the important features of the When he is little, the big girls kiss him; but when he is grown, the little giids kiss him. If he- is poor, he is a bad manager; if he is rich, he is dishonest. If he needs’credit, he can’t get it; if lie is prosperous, every one wants to do him a favour. If he’s in politics it’s for pie; if he’s out of polities, you can’t place him, and lie’s no good for his country. If he doesn’t give to charity, he is a stingy cuss, if he docs, it is for show. If he is actively religions, he is a hyprocrite; if he takes no interest in religion, he is a hardened sinner. If he shows affection, he is a soft specimen; if he seems to care for no one, he is cold-blooded. If he dies young, there was a great future ahead of him; if he lives to an old age, he lias missed his calling. The , road is rocky, but man loves to travel it. <S> <S> <3> .

Notes for Young Housekeepers.

To keep furniture from cracking don’t have heavy-weight callers. The best kind of cards for calling is four aces. Potatoes a la Bernhardt are potatoes cut long nnd slim. To keep eggs lay them in a cool place. If the hens do your laying for your, notify them. An excellent thing for luncheon is an appetite.' To avoid toothache, be careful not to lay your teeth in a draught nights. Tipsy cake is made by taking a dry cake and pouring whisky into it until it can hold no more. If it is not tipsy then, it ought to be.—“ Boston Transcript.”

Obiter Diet*.

One lie seldom travels without company. A big rogue has always a smaller to admire him. A good talker is often appreciated; a good listener always. Is it not possible that import incnee is the pertinence of an imp? If no man on earth slid foolish things, what on earth would the wise mon find to talk about? Ninety-nine out of a hundred men are not worth buying. The hundredth won’t sell himself. As the humble oyster bc-pearls the painful grit, so do we humans disguise our hurts by wit. • In the battle ’twixt might and right, might generally wins the first, rounds but right calls “time!” at the ninet/j: ninth. Who marries n wife Stakes Uie rest of his life; Who bachelor remains Is a fool for his pains. When the bishop’s in bis diocese. The bishop’s on bis see; When the bishop’s in his motor-car, Ou his mitre-car is lie. Stop the loaf and you’ll soon stop the loafer. Genius will happen iu the best regulated families. In our youth we sow wild oats; in our age we grow sage. Treat funk as an enemy, and you will soon find courage your friend. A man of wide views is often inclined to stretch the truth to cover them. If all the things which we feared had happened to us, what, a shocking time we should have had! Pride goes before a fall, and pain comes after the fall. Pride feels no pain. Therefore, pride fears nothing. So the gentlemen who make proverbs get left. How often when a man steals brass We call a copper in. And thus to prison lie is ‘‘lead” For nickiiiK of our tin. Courtship is a hard ship to steer. Success is a girl who loves a bold wooer. Better shabby clothes than shabby conduct. The truth of a book is found between the lilies. A man without money is lamb without mint sauce. One lives and learns, but how seldom one learns how to live! Nothing succeeds like success in cheapening all that it touches. Many a man who has tried to live in luxury lias had to l.’ve in gaol. The man who sacrifices his principle to his interests will soon be a mp* , '“l bankrupt. When men talk polities and wOm.'ii talk dress, the wise man goes outsido to see what the weather's like. To give of your abundance is commendable, to give of your sufficiency is excellent, to give of your poverty is divine. . i Big Talk is the father of T.ittle Do. Silence is the true voice of sympathy. It is the idle man who has the leiist time. Advice should be-well shaken before taken. “Whoa!” never slopped a runaway horse. Most people regard poverty as an infectious disease. Trouble comes by the hundredweight and goes by the ounce. The woman who refers to baby as “it” has never been a mot her. Many men think they are supporting a cause when they lean against it. It. is possible to be generous without being prodigal, and to be prodigal with,, out being generous.