OVER THE TEACUPS BOUDOIR GOSSIP FOR LADY READERS...

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 5, 2 February 1907, Page 47

OVER THE TEACUPS BOUDOIR GOSSIP FOR LADY READERS...

THE ORDINARY WOMAN.

BY

ELIZABETH MERIWETHER GILMER.

I wish that I had the distributing of ionie of Andrew Carnegie’s medals for heroes. I would give one to 'just the Ordinary Woman. It is true that she never manned a lifeboat in a stormy sea. or plunged into a river to save a drowning person. * It is true that she never stopped a runaway horse, or dashed into a burning building, or gave any other spectacular exhibition of courage. She has only stood at her post thirty, or forty, or fifty years, fighting sickness and poverty and loneliness and disappointment so quietly, with such a Spartan fortitude, that the world has never even noticed her achievements; and yet, in the presence of the Ordinary Woman, the battle-scarred veteran, with his breast covered with medals signifying valour, may well stand uncovered, for one braver than he is passing by. There is nothing high and heroic in her appearance.. She is just a commonplace woman, plainly dressed, with a tired face and work-worn hands—the kind of woman that you meet a hundred times a day upon the street without ever giving her a second glance, still less saluting her as a heroine. Nevertheless, as much as the. bravest-soldier, ehe is entitled to the cross of the Legion of- Honour for distinguished gallantry on the Battlefield of Life. Years and years ago. when she was fresh and young and gay and lighthearted, she was married. Her head, as is the case with most girls, was full of dreams. Her husband was to be a Prince Charming, always tender and considerate and . loving, shielding her from every care and worry. Life itself was to be a fairy tale. One by one the di earns fell away. The husband was a good man, but he grew indifferent to her before long. He eeased to notice when she put. on a fresh ribbon. He never paid her the little compliments for which a woman’s soul hungers. He never gave her a kiss or a caress, and their married life sank into a deadly monotony that had no romance, to brighten it, no joy or love to lighten it. Day after day she sewed and cooked and cleaned and mended to make a comfortable home for a man who did not even give her the poor pay of a few words of appreciation. At his worst he was cross and querulous. At his best he was silent, and would gobble his food like a hungry animal and subside into his paper, leaving her to spend a dull and monotonous evening after a dull and monotonous day. The husband was.not one of the fortunate few who have the gift of making money. He worked hard, but opportunity does not .smile on every man, and the wolf was never very far away from their d00r...,. Women know the worst of poverty. It is the wife, who has the spending of the insufficient family income, who barns all the bitter- ways of scrimpin<r and paring and saving. The husband must present a decent appearance, for policy’s sake when lie goes to business; certain things are necessities for. the children; and so the heaviest of all the deprivations fall upon the woman who ays at home and strives to make one dollar do the work’ of five. This is the way of the Ordinary. Woman; and what she sacrifices she makes, what tastes she crucifies, what longings for pretty tlwngs and dainty tilings she •nhtliers, not even her own- fagiily. guess. They think , it is an eccentricity that makes her choope. .the neok of-the •hicken and the hard end of the loaf

and to stay at home from any little outing. Ah, if they only knew! For each of her children she trod the Gethsemane of woman, only to go through that slavery of motherhood which the woman endures who is 100 poor to hire competent nurses. For years and years she never knew what it was to have a single night's unbroken sleep. The small hours of the morning found her walking the colie, or nursing the croup, or covering restless little sleepers, or putting water to thirsty little lips. There was no rest for her. day or night. There was always a child in her arms or clinging to her skirts. Oftener than not she was sick and nerve-worn and weary almost to death, but. she never failed to rally to the call of '•Mother!” as a good soldier always rallies to his battle-cry. Nobody called her brave, and yet, when one of the children came down with malignant diphtheira, she braved death a hundred times, in bending over the little sufferer, without one thought of danger. And when the little one was laid away under the sod, she who had loved most was the first to gather herself together and take up’the burden of life for the others. The supreme moment of the Ordinary Woman's life, however, came w) e r she educated her children above hew elf and lifted them out ’of her sphere. She did this with deliberation. She knew that in sending her bright boy and talented girl off to college she was opening up to them paths hr which she could not follow : she knew that the time would come when they would look upon her with pitying tolerance or contempt, or perhaps—God help her!—be ashamed of her. But she did not falter in her felf-sac-rifice. She worked a little harder, she denied herself a little more, to give them the advantages that She neverhad. Tn this she was only like miliions of other Ordinary Women who are tolling over cooking-stoves, slaving at sewing' machines; pinching ai d economizing to educate and cultivate their ihildren ■ —digging with their own hands the chasm that will separate them almost as much as death. Wherefore T say the Ordinary Woman is the real heroine of life. •F ♦ + MARRIED IN A MOTOR-CAR. EXCITING ELOPEMENT IN AN A M ERICA N r CITY. An exciting elopement occurred at Cleveland on Thanksgiving night. Mr. Lawrence llaiuseroder and Miss Irene Dennart decided to get married while taking a motor trip near Cleveland. They stopped at a local magistrate’s office and asked the magistrate to marry’ them on the pavement, as they, were in a hurry.The magistrate was about to begin the .ceremony when two policemen on bicycles rode up and arrested Mr. Ilsiii-scroder-for ■scorching.” Tlie latter sudpulled the magistrate into the ear and said. Io the chauffeur, “Let h< r go.” He did, and the car dashed down the streeLat top speed.-.with the discomfited bicycle ■ policemen in pursuit. - The magistrate lost his hat and acquired, a-heavy cold, but he married the couple at forty miles an hour,. where-. upon the ear slowed down to await the police. who promptly arre-ded Mr. Dunscroder for exceeding the speed limit. He paid his fine and the magistrate's fee, and.then- proceeded <m hie honeymoon. it; s< •

QUEER BABY CUSTOMS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES. INFANTS SALTED AND BUTTERED ABROAD APPEAR TO BE AS HAPPY AS THOSE THAT ARE STERILISED IN AMERICA. Salted and buttered babies are just as much matter of fact, as is the sterilised, hygienic baby of civilisation, and it is doubtful—could the little inites of all ereeds express an opinion on their treatment when they enter the world—which custom would receive the most compliments. When a baby is born in Guinea all sorts of funny things happen to it. Its mother buries it in the sand up to its waist so it cannot get into mischief, and this is the only cradle it knows anything about. The little Lapp infant is cradled in a shoe —its mother’s. This is a big affair covered with skin and stuffed with soft moss. This can be hung on a tree or covered up with snow while mamma goes to church or to. any place where babies are not invited. The baby of India rides in a basket which hangs from its mother’s head, or from her hip or in a hammock. In some jiarts the baby’s nose is adorned with a nose-ring, and in others its face is wrapped in a veil like its mother. The Chinese Iraby is tied to the back of an older child. The Mongolian infants travel about in bags slung on a camel’s back. In some parts of Europe and Asia there is a peculiar custom of salting newborn babies. When a baby is born among the Armenians of Russia the nurse takes the infant add covers the entire skin with very line salt. This salt is left on the baby for three hours or more, and then the child is washed with warm water. In Asia Minor there is a tribe of people living in the mountains who do even worse than They salt their newborn babies and leave the salt on them for twenty-four hours. '1 he modern Greeks sprinkle salt on their babies. This practice of salting babies is an ancient custom. It ha« its rise in superstition. of course. The mothers think that salting insures their children health and strength, and that it will keep evil spirits away from them. Even in some parts of Germany salt is still used on the child at birth. In some countries the mothers lay their babies where a stream of water falls on their heads. 1 his is to make theim tough! which it does unless the babies die as a result of this treatment. Adothcr mother covers her baby's head with paste, while the Tartar baby is covered wit's butter. * The worse fate or all falls to th? lot of the newly lairn children in Bulgaria. Their mothers put a hot omelette on the little one’s heads, to. make them solid ami protect them from sunstroke. ■*• + *■ LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT THE BEST. ANY OTHER KIND IS ONLY A PALE COUNTERFEIT OF THE SUPREME PASSION, SAYS MARRIOTT WATSON. Oxer three hundred years ago Marlowe inquired: ."Who ever loved that loved not. at first sight?” No one. answers Mr. H. B. Marriott Watson, in the St. Lotys f‘fllobe-Democrat.” He will have none of the. prosaic, orderly marriages of respect, gratitude, admiration, anil the like, advocated by our grandmothers, denouncing the sentiment underlying them as the "pale counterfeit of love.” William anil Dora, let ns conceive. live near each other for years, they have

many associations in common, some tastes, and several interests. They are well acquainted, old friends indeed, and. having slowly realised each other’s good •pialities, they agree to marry. Good heavens! Is this to be called love? Who on earth cares for good qualities in his or h r lover? No one is married for good qualities. Certainly no one ought to Ik*. You appoint a clerk or engage a cook for good qualities; but you do not to select a wife or a husband. A man or woman is, or ought to be, married for personality, and personality includes many elements. There is beauty, there is wit, there is'charm, there >■ intelligence, there is character, there is imagination. . . . But it is unanalysable. Ev« ry one knows that jjersonality decides his affection, ami. luckily, as many divergent personalities as there are so many corresponding tastes do they suit. You may wonder what Smith saw: in the ugly woman he made his wife. Smith may even come to wonder that himself later. But the correspondence of Mrs. Smith’s personality witli Smith’s taste decided him. And he did not take years to find it ottt. 'The impression of personality is made instantly. As a girl steps into the punt, as a man advances up the ballroom. so in the twinkling of an*eye does the small shaft go home to some one. Ido not mean to say-that-either man or woman of n<»ce«sity will recognise thc hil at-mi Ce. Human beings arc fortunately not all self-con-scious, nor are they constantly feeling their pulses. Healthy will not stop to. question,-“Am-1 in love?’’ But presently, .when they are aware of their'.condition* if -they, will look l>ack they will honestly confess that tlie quickening of the heart dated from that first meeting. Of such is love at first sight. The very constitution ot human nature, if it- instincts arc obeyed, demands that love should thus be inaugurated. The correspondence of the personality with the lover’s tastes, the dovetailing of it, is precisely on the lines of Kant’s famous “forms/’ The girl fits in with a demand of the man’s nature. II” may disapprove of her in many ways*, she may annoy him: but he cannot help loving. Nor could he say what in her attracted him. Perhaps it ’was th- voice that made the first impression, or was it the grata of her carriage? It may have been the gentle l>eauty of her face. But -he hac no beauty! She has for him. At least, he admits that she not strictly beautiful. but Oh. tlie're is only one explanation. He loves. 'The personality corresponds with the Jaw- of his nature. + *l* + A DINNER TABLE INCIDENT. Queen Alexandra ♦>. as is well-known, very deaf, and it w«.s this that caused a young diplomat to get himself disgraced before the Queen came to the throne. He was invited to dine -at Marlborough House, and was accorded the rare honour of sitting next to the Princess. In the course of conversation the Princess asked him if he had ever been to England before- h? was (hen attached to one of the Embassies. 'The young man replied that he bad. Whereupon the Princess asked him how many times he had visited England. “Three limes your Royal Highness.” he replied, but h< MW by the look on her face (hat she had not understood. “Three times: your Royal Highnesfc.” hr iep a ted. and still her inquiring look showed him that he was unheard. 'Then in a moment of awful inadvertence he raised three fingers to indicate by action what lie could not convey by speech: This act caused th® young man’s name to be crossed from tXs list -visitors to-the palace.

TO THE MEMORY OF FAMOUS WOMEN. 'Hu- highest tribute which can be paid to tl»e personality of a great man is the erection of a monument to his memory, for the inference to be drawn is that his deeds are en-sli lined in the very hearts of the people. Few women, comparatively speaking, have attained to the supreme honour of being immortalised in this way. There are only four statues of famous women other than Royalties to be found throughout the United Kingdom, and in each case the originals possess characteristics of no common order, which endeared them to the multitude. Collectively, they embody the noblest of feminine virtues. Flora MacDonald, whose loyalty and courage saved Prince Charles from death on a scaffold, typifies selfsacrifice and romance; tenderness and devotion are represented by Sister Dora; beauty and grace by ‘’Highland Mary’’; power and passion by the inspired and never-to-be-forgotten actress,. Mrs Sid'lons. Flora MacDonald was given heart and soul to the Jacobite cause. Until the very end she refused even to name the reigning monarch of England. On one occasion she sharply reprimanded her son for styling George 111. “his Majesty,” saying she 'would hear nothing of 'Soft Geordie.' ” She was true as steel, and combined the fortitude of a man with the generous devotion of a woman. She breathed her last on March sth, 1790, in the beautiful island of Skye, where, in earlier years, she had found shelter for her wandering prince after the Battle of Culloden. Nothing whatever excepting a plain marble slab marked her final restingplace, and this was chipped during transit to t’ne island, and within a few month had totally disappeared, being removed piecemeal by enthusiastic but wrong-headed worshippers at her tomb. Many years later a solid monolith of Aberdeen granite, 28ft high, and in the form of an Inoa cross, was designed by Alexander Ross. This shared a similar fate with the earlier gravestone, for it was not substantial enough to resist the violence of the northern gales; it broke in two. and had to be repaired In the monument at Inverness, the heroine is in the act of scanning the horizon for possible pursuers. She was described by Dr Johnson, who visited her in 1773, after her marriage, as “a woman of soft features, gentle manners, and elegant presence”attributes most certainly complemented by wonderful resource and coolness in moments of danger. The name “A Wingless Weekly Angel” was given in verse to Sister Dora py her friend, Miss Ridsdale. The secret of Dora Pattison's success was the fact that she was superlatively feminine. Her mission in life was to minister to the suffering and the afflicted. When still a child, she asserted her intention 'not to be a fine drawing-roof lady,” and begged for permission to fare forth and nurse the sick. She was gifted with genuine beauty, a merry spirit, and a loving nature. Iler father called her “Sunshine.” The following authentic story of her childhood shows her spirit. Velvet bonnets were given to her and her sister, which were not in accordance with their juvenile taste. One day, a sudden shower came on, and, all in authority being out of the way, she recognised her opportunity. Up went the window, and out went her head. The hated article of attire was ruined. In later years she was fired with enthusiasm through reading accounts of Florence Nightingale’s herioc exploits in the Crimean War. and, after encountering serious opposition from her relatives. she joined a nursing sisterhood. The poor amongst whom she worked in M al-all invested her with almost divine attributes, and believed she performed miracles. Her statue represents her in nursing dress, apron, and cap; in her hands a roll of bandage. On the relievos at the base of the pedestal she is seen tending the siek and wounded. The monument is in the centre of her fife work, and forms a fitting memorial to a noble and lovable woman. Who does not know the story of sweet Highland Mary, the inspiration of the finest poems written by Burns? Her name was Mary Campbell, and she was a dairymaid nt Coilsfield. A hundred yanls from the castle stood a thorntree closely associated with thv romantic episode in the lives of the lovers. By

some it was called • Burns's thorn"; brothers "Mary’s tryst.” The parting of the lovers took place on May 14th, 178(5, and Mary died in Greenock the following October. On the picturesque shore of Dunoon, close to tin- spot where she was born, her statue now stands to remind all who see it of her inspiring intiiience. fit "The golden hours, on angel wings. Flew o’er me and my dearie. For dear to me as light and life. Was my sweet Highland Mary." It was Hazlitt who said of Mrs Siddons, "She was not less than a goddess or a prophetess inspired by the gods. Power was seated on her brow; passion radiated from her breast as from a shrine: she was tragedy personified.” Yet this great actress counted as her greatest triumph the effect produced by her upon a little girl who witnessed her performance of "Jane Shore.” The unfortunate heroine, destitute and starving, exclaims in the last scenes of the play: “I have not tasted bread for three days!” A tiny voice was heard in the stillness of the great theatre. •'Madam, madam, take iny orange!” and then a sob as the child stretched out a hand eagerly offering the precious gift. Sir Joshua Reynolds’ famous painting of Mrs Siddons as “The Tragic Muse” probably formed the basis of M. Chavalliaud’s statue erected on Paddington Green, and unveiled by Sir Henry Irving on June 15th, 1897. The ceremony was an imposing one, many great actors being present. “To every young man who looks upon this statue,” exclaimed Sir Henry in his opening speech, “I would say. ‘This is not only the image of a great actress—it is the image of indomitable energy and perseverance.’ Her personal majesty is eloquent even in the silence of stone.” Than this there can surely be no greater triumph of the sculptor’s art. anywhere in the world. •fc "fc TONIC PROPERTIES OF PERFUMES. The beneficial effects of certain odours were recognised by the Ancients, and they have been given due credit by Modern Science. HOW FLOWER SCENTS ARE OBTAINED. The perfume of flowers and the fragrance of spices are sweet to the sense of every man, woman, and child. The refreshing sweetness of a bunch of flowers is so evidently a tonic to tired nerves that it is easy to understand why the ancients attributed magical properties to scents. Odorous herbs, l.otably vervain, were said to ward off the evil eye. The Mosaic ritual is full of hyssop, nard, and frankincense. Greece set cinnamon gates to its elysium, and surrounded it with a scented river a hundred oubits broad, which souls swam through and thereby purged themselves of earthly grossness. Pliny records eighty-five remedies derived from odorous rue, forty-one whose base was mint, thirty-two balms from roses, twenty-one from lilies, bulb and bloom, and seventeen medicaments strong in the virtue of violets. Thus, it appears that the violet cure for cancer is among the very “ new ’’ things that surface science scorned because they were so very old. Now, say various experts, one must choose and use perfumes with an eye, or, rather, a nose, to health. Pure violet essence is said to be especially suitable to nervous people. But it must Iw obtained from flowers themselves, not the chemical imitations. Chemically derived perfumes are irritating—poisonous, even—to persons of especially sensitive constitution. True flower scents are obtained in three ways: First, by spreading fresh blossoms upon glass thickly smeared with pure grease, letting them stand in the sun, and as they wilt replacing them until the grease *is as fragrant as the flowers; second, by repeatedly infusing fresh petals in oil; and, third, by infusing them in ether, which is then distilled to a dry solid. As the solid sells for two hundred and fifty dollars an ounce, it is easy to understand why the ether process, though far and away the best, is not commonly used. But ihe scented grense and the essences made by steeping it in pure spirit arc never cheap. After all the scent possible has been extracted from the

grease it is still fragrant enough to make the finest perfumed soap. All the eitrene soaps—bergamot, neroli, orange Hower water—are refreshing, and in a degree stimulating, if properly prepared. To‘make a lasting perfume some animal base is essential—musk, civet, or ambergris. If the base is to strong it makes the flower-scent curiously irritant. I’eople who feel themselves faint in a crowded room are often victims of several scents simultaneously attacking their nerves. A single odour, no matter how strong, after a while deadens the olfactory nerves, whereas a combination keeps them active. Hay-fever, which, it is believed by some, arises from the irritant properties of fine, odorous pollen yielded by grass and weed fields, is in a way a type of perfume action. Scent particles in general are not strong enough or acrid enough to set up violent ills. None the less, they have their effect. Witness the refreshment of lavender-water when one is faint from heat or crowding. Lavender is peculiarly suited to high-strung temperaments. It is soothing, refreshing, and not unduly stimulating. Jasmine should always be used pure. Alone it tones and braces the whole system, but in almost all of its compounds is singularly depressing. Neroli is the exception. Jasmine and neroli together, in faint essence, make the scent of scents for all who have hysterical tendencies. + BUSY FACTS AND IDLE THOUGHTS. A ton of steel will make 1,500,000 pens. Four eyes see better than two. The number of persons born blind is G 5 to 1,000,000. A large liver makes a small heart. Next to Gibraltar, Malta is the strongest fortress in the world. Easily learned is easily forgotten. As a rule, a man’s hair turns grey five years sooner than a woman’s. The deeper you dig the hotter the work. There is only one sudden death among women to every eight among men. To flattery be deaf, but not to counsel. Kid gloves, with hand-painted flowers on the back, are the latest fad in Paris. Wear your armour on your weakest spot. Each square inch of the human skin contains no less than 3500 perspirationpores. Nature gives long credit, but slffirt mercy. , You can drive nails into hard wood without bending them if you dip them first in lard. The road of giving never led to a workhouse. Taking it year in and year out, the coldest hour of each 24 is five o’clock in the morning. If you have no shadow you have no sunshine. A woman who is in good health at tUe age of 45 is likely to outlive a man of the same age. Fat heads and kind hearts often ride together. The female brain commences to decline in weight after the age of 30, the male not till 10 years later. Opportunity knocks at the door in office hours. Over 1000 ships of al! kinds and sizes pass lip and down the English Channel every 24 hours. When in doubt do the thing that is nearest to your hand. Rain falls more frequently between three o’clock and eight o’clock in the morning than at any other time during the day. Do small things well, and you will do great things well. U'ebergs in the Atlantic sometimes last for 200 years. Look for trouble and trouble will look for you. Women, according to a prominent physician, have, as a rule, much coarser hair than men. ’Tia the small mind that makes tfie swelled head. A light of one-candle power is plainly visible at one mile, and one of threecandle power at two miles. The world would be a lonely place without its fools. There are more wrecks in the Balti* Sea than in any other place in the world. The average is one wreck a day throughout the year. Nothing needs so much reforming a* other people’s habits.

In proportion to size, the human heart is the most powerful pumping machine ever made. It throws into the arteries 7i tons of blood daily. Make not enemies of your friends, buS friends of your enemies. The minute-hand of the b'g cloek in the Houses of Parliament is 13ft in length, so that in 50 years it would have travelled about 0663 miles. “By-and-by” is the street which leads to the house of “Never.” If an express train, moving at tha rate of 45 miles an hour, were to stop instantly, it would give the passengers a shock equal to that of falling from a height of 45ft. Rulers fall and empires fade, but breakfast will be ready at 8.30. The German Emperor is the European monarch with the greatest number, of titles. He has no fewer than 55 distinct territorial titles, apart from Orders and his ranks in armies and navies. Two things come not baek—the sped arrow and the spoken word.