ANECDOTES AND SKETCHES

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVII, Issue 24, 15 December 1906, Page 27

ANECDOTES AND SKETCHES

MODIFYING THE SWEETNESS. Mr Blower had had a difference with the local grocer, and he had openly ▼owed never to patronise the emporium again. Therefore, the merchant in question wasagreeably surprised when one afternoon his late customer entered and ordered half a stone of sugar, with complete non-cha lance. Prudence would have indicated silence; but human nature is weak, and as he tied the string the grocer could not resist saying:

"I thought you declared you would never darken mv door again, Mr BJrwci”

That is true, and I should not have done so,” was the retort. “but I’ve. just received a fine iot of carnation cuttings and I had no sand for potting them. I thought you could supply me with •ome." -♦• 4- 4SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT. A good story is told of a very mild North of England vicar, who had for some time been displeased with the quality of the milk served him. At length he' determined to remonstrate with his milkman for supplying such weak stuff. He began mildly: “I’ve been wanting to see you in regard to the quality of milk with which you are serving me.” “Yes. sir,” uneasily answered the tradesman. - "1 only wanted to say.” ccn tinned the minister, “that 1 use the milk for dietary purposes exclusively, and not for christening.” . 4-4-4-HE FORGOT. The champion absent-minded man on one occasion called on his old friend, the family .physician. After a chat of a couple of hours the doctor saw him to the door and bade him good, n’ght. saying. "Come again. Family all well. I suppose?” “My heavens"” exclaimed the. absentminded beggar, “that reminds me of my errand. My wife is in a tit'” 4 4-4-FHE FELT BAI) WHEN WELL. An old lady, really quite well, was always complaining ami “enjoying poor health.” as she expressed it. Her various ailments were to her the most interesting topic in the world. One day a neighbour found her eating a hearty meal, andhbsked her how she was. ’ “Poor me,” sue sighed, “I feel' very well, but I always fee! bad when I feel well, because 1 know 1 am going to feel ♦ + ♦ HE COt LON T VERY WELL. A husband was living arraigned in court in a suit brought by his wife for cruelty. “I understand, sir,” said the judge, addressing' the husband, “that one of the indignities you have showered upon your wife is that you have not spoken to her for three years. Is that sb?" “It is, your Honor,” quickly answered the. husband. ••Well, sir," thundered the judge, “why didn’t you speak to her. may I ask?” “Simply." replied the husband, “liecause I didn’t want to interrupt her.” STILL BITTER. “Well.”/ said he. anxious to patch up their quarrel of yesterday, “aren’t you curious to know what’s in this package?" “Not very," replied the still belligerent wife indiffyrefttly-. . “Well. it’s something, for .the one I love best iu all the world.” “Ah! I suppose it’s those braces.you •aid you needed.” . a

TALI. STORIES. A couple of witty individuals wert conversing together and their “argumentative controversy” finally occasioned a bet between them. Each agreed to tell a peculiar incident and the reciter of the strongest episode was to receive the stake—a sovereign. No. 1 commenced, and said he knew of a lady who was “ turned into wood/’ “Impossible,” said No. 2; “explain yourself.” “You see.” was the reply, “the lady was placed on a vessel, and then she was alma rd.” “Very good,” said No. 2: “but listen to this. Once I knew a man who had been deaf «and dumb for twenty years, but last week he regained speech in one minute.” “ Nonsense.” rejoined No. 1, “ but proceed.” “ Well,” replied No. 2. “ the wonderful fellow 1 mean went into a bicycle shop with a friend, and. suddenly stooping down, he picked up a wheel and —spoke, EXPERIMENT INCOMPLETE. A Southern gentleman, carving a chicken at dinner one day, was perplexed to find that the bird had but one leg. The nervousness of his darky butler at the time of the discovery gave him a clue to the fate of the other leg. When the meal was over he questioned the darky. "Dat suhtenly am strange, suh. It inns' l>e dat dat fool bird only had one laig in de fust place.” "Washington,” said the master severely, “did you ever see a chicken with but one leg?” Just then the darky caught sight of a fowl in the yard with one leg drawn up under her. “Quick, masse, look dar!” he cried, excitedly. “liar’s one now.” The. gentleman went to the door and said “Shoo’’’ The fowl quickly lowered the hidden leg and scuttled off. “Yes. inassa, yes.” protested the darky, "but yo’ nevah said ‘shoo’ to de one on de table.—“ New York Times.” ( HAllAt TEKIsI’ICS. You are Strong-minded, Self-respecting, Generous, Honest, Tastefully dressed Courteous, Dignified, Manly, Sympathetic, Ambitious, Prudent, Frank, Refined. Enthusiastic.. Eloquent, Witty. Particular, Well-read, Successful, Unlucky. The Other Fellow is St übborn. Vain, Ext raragant, Hair-splitting, Foppish, Servile, Puffed up, Brusque, Inquisitive, Covetous, Selfish, Rude, Effeminate, Fanatical, Long-winded, Frivolous, Fussy. -> Pedant ic. Lucky, Incompetent.