The Graphic Funny Leaf

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVI, Issue 22, 2 June 1906, Page 64

The Graphic Funny Leaf

Parson Coopah: "De choir will now sing dat beautiful hymn. ‘We Hain't Got Long to Stay Here:' arter singin’ which dey will consider demselves discharged and file out quietly. We will hab only congregational singin' hereafter.”

Ilf "That’s Lady Passeh. She’s got an action on at the Courts, asking for £.">(**• damages” She: "Damage ! I should have thought she'd have asked for repairs.’’—. "Punch ”

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW.

Tomkins (whom she has consistently and mercilessly snubbed, and who has long nourished a desire for revenge): "Ah. how d’you do. Miss Ackridd? I have heard the news. I'm sure I heartily wish .your fiancee joy.” Miss A. (sourlyl: "Indeed? I fear you have been misinformed. Mr Tomkins. I have no fiancee.” Tomkins (lifting his hat, and beating a hasty retreat): "Y’es—er—quite so. I —1 congratulate him.”

“ Are youse de mut wot said vouse eould lick met”

LACONIC YANK.

Old Gent (out of depth in river) • "Help! I can’t swim!” American (safe on bank!: "Waal! I guess I can’t swim, either; but I’m not making such a durn'd noise about it.

PROBABLY IRISH.

He was paying the waiter for a wretched meal, and as he threw down his napkin, exclaimed: "Tell the manager that the next time he sees me here I -hall be dining somewhere else!"

Feminine Pessimist: Could anything be worse than this? Masculine Optimist: Yes; if it was n't raining, there Mould be such a cloud of dust.

CAREFUL BOBBY".

Police Officer Longhorn (Irish) to old gentleman who has unconsciously dropped his handkerchief, and hanaing same back to him: “Oi think this belongs to you. sir.” Old Gentleman: “Yes; it does. Thank you very much. Will you come across the road and have a drink wi.a me?” P.0.L.: "Thank you: no. I’m much obliged: but I never drink with a stranger—unless I know him."