Here and There

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVI, Issue 17, 28 April 1906, Page 15

Here and There

On the Sea AU. They were sitting side by side: He sighed, and she sighed: Said he. "My dearest Idol;” He idled, and she idled.; “On my soul there's such a weight;'* He waited, and she waited: “I’d ask your hand, so lx»ld I've grown;” He groaned, and she groaned; ‘"You shall have your private gir "' He giggled, and she giggled: Said she. "My dearest Luke:” He looked and she looked: ‘"I'll have thee,if thou wilt;” He wilted, and she wilted. For One Hundred Miles. The greatest electric searchlight in the world has a beam of light which is nine feet in diameter. The dazzling shaft of white light is so blinding that it cannot be look-ed on at short range, and it even hurts the eyes when they are closed. It will illuminate an object one hundred miles off, and can be seen on the clouds at even a greater distance. This monster searchlight guards the entrance to Chesapeake Bay. on the Atlantic coast of America. <?>!>•> One Absorbs the Other Travellers in the celebrated Death Willey of California have described the wonderful contortions of the sand pillars that small whirlwinds sometimes send spinning across the h<rt plain. Even more remarkable are the "dust devils” seen by an explorer, in the valley of the White Nile. Sometimes two of these whirling columns, gyrating in opposite directions, meet, "and if they be wellmatched the collision stops them and a struggle ensues as to which way they' shall twist. Gradually one gains the mastery, and the two combined rush on together.” Some, of these whirlwinds will strip the clothes from an Arab's back, or send a goat spinning round and round like a top. A Cosmopolitan Novelist. Mr. William Le Queux is a cosmopolitan. By birth partly French, by education partly Italian, he has a first-hand knowledge of men of varying shades of colour and characters, and is as much at home in dealing with a mystery of the desrt in "The Eye of Istar” as with a London sensation in "Three Glass Eyes."’ As a matter of fact it is a tribute to England that, like Gilbert’s hero, Air. I.e Queux, ‘‘despite of all temptations to belong to other nations, has remained an Englishman.” Mr. Le Queux is a prodigious worker. His first novel was published in 1890, and since then some 30 novels have appeared from his pen. But even this amount of work does not satisfy his appetite. Not long ago he translated a long and important book of Arctic travels written by the Duke of the Abruzzi, and is, iu addition. Consul of the tiny Republie of San Marino, from the Government of which he recently received a decoration.

Mr. Le Queux is a short, dark man. with a distinctly Latin type of features. He has lived a good deal in the South of France. He was for a while a working London journalist, like so many other successful novelists. “Thorough”is the mark of Mr. Le Queux’s work. Great industry allows him the boast that he writes of what he knows. Nihilism, diplomacy, Arabs, he is sure to lx? right in his facts, and that is one of the fascinations of bis books. Mr. Le Queux. like Anthony Trollope and Anthony Hope, is a methodical worker, doing a certain amount every day. The spasmodic writer, who works only when the spirit moves him, may produce one masterpiece, but will barely make n living ■in these days. Mr. Le Queux is just the wrong side of 40. and once studied art in the Quartfor Latin. Tire busy novelist finds recreation in revolver practice and the study of paleography.

They Study for Partime. It may scent strange to hear of millionaires going to college and working as hard at their studies as the most painstaking schoolboy. The explanation, however, is simple enough. The college is an institution at which navigation is taught, and as many of the world’s wealthiest men not only own yachts but aspire to liecoine experienced navigators of their vessels, the zeal with which they apply themselves to their studies is easily understood. The Nautical College, as it is called, is in New York, and is not restricted to millionaires. Any person who desires to become proficient in navigation may become a student. It may be asked why wealthy yachtsmen should not study navigation on board their own vessels at sea, instead of going to a school on Jand. The explanation is that the art of navigation is mainly a book science. The college, however, is furnished with a large model sailing boat, as well as all the instruments required in navigating a vessel. Some sixteen millionaires are amongst the students, and probably the ardour with which they are said to wrok at their studies is due to the consciousness that they are engaged on what is to them a pastime. Tire Poet and the Editor. (The Poet saw the Editor first.) Said he—“l have no drink to drink with. Or I might drink." Editor—“ Why don't you buy yourself a drink?” Poet —“I have no chink to chink with, Or I might chink." Editor—“ You don't think highly of yourself, do you?*’ Poet—“l have no think to think with. Or I might think.” Editor —“You want to paint the town, you do.” Poet—“l have no piuk to pink with, Or I might pink. " Editor—“ Why don't you write and earn the money ?” l oot—“I have no ink to ink with. Or I might ink.” Editor —“Why don't you marry aud be a man?” Poet—“l have no girl to link with. Or I might link.” Editor —“Well. I won't waste any more time on you. Get out!’’ Poet—“l have no slink to slink with. Or I might slink.” The Editor banded out the price of a potation and the Poet potated.

Telling the Wrong Story. They were celebrating their silver wedding, and, of course, the couple were very happy and very affectionate. ‘Yes,” said the husband, "this is the only woman I ever loved. I shall not forget the first time I proposed to her." "How did you do it?" burst out a young man who had been squeezing a pretty girl's hand in the corner. They all laughed and he Hushed, but the girt carried it off bravely. “Well, I remember as well as if it were but yesterday. It was nt Richmond. We had been out for a picnic, und she and I got wandering alone. Don’t you remember, my dear " The wife nodded and smiled. "We sat on the trunk of an old tree. You haven’t forgotten, love, have you?" The wife nodded again. "She began writing on the dust with the point of her parasol. You recall it, sweet, don’t you.” The wife nodded again. "She wrote her name, ‘Minnie,’ and f said, “Let me put the other name to it.’ And I took the parasol and wrote my name—‘Smith’ —after it.” "How lovely!" broke out a little maid, who was beaming iu a suspicious way on a tall fellow with a fair moustache. “Aud she took back the parasol and wrote below it. ‘No, I won’t.’ And wo went home. You remember it, darling. I see you do." m Tlien he kissed her and the company murmured sentimentally. “Wasn’t it pretty The guests had all departed and the happy couple were left alone. "Wasn’t it nice, Minnie, to see all our friends around us so happy?" “Yes. it was. But, John, that reminiscence!'’ “Ah. it seems as if it had been only yesterday.’’ "Yes, dear; there are only three things you’re wrong about in that story.” ‘■Wrong’ Oh, no!” “John. 1 am sorry you told that story, becuase I never went to a picnic with you before we were married; I was never in Richmond in my life: and I never refused you.” “My darling, you must be wrong!” “I am not wrong. Mr. Smith, t have an excellent memory, and. although we. have been maried twenty-five years, I'd like to know who that minx was. You never told me about her before.” Didn’t Expect Too Much. Some of the sayings of children which, if uttered by their elders might savour of irreverence, are very quaint. A little girl riding in an electric car greatly amused her fellow-passengers by her chatter. An aunt who was taking earn of the child tried to stop her, but in vain. At last, in a despairing voice, she said: “Darling, I am so sorry you arc so naughty. You will never go to heaven if you are so disobedient.” “Well, auntie,” was the calm rejoinder, "I’ve been to the Tower, St. Paul’s, Madame Tussaud’s, and the Zoo, and really I don’t expect to go everywhere, you know!”

San Francisco Bay. I lean against the rail and gaze Aer«j-B the walers blue aud clear. And dream of these romantic days WbeiMmen come seeking Fortune here; 1 see a hundred bulging sails Pass through the distant Golden Gate, !As, stained aud torn by many gales And having battled well with Fate. They bring the eager Argonauts At last in triumph to behold ■ JTIio. haven of their fondest thoughts. The legendary Land of Gold. I taste the spray upon my lips Aud from the present turn in scorn T»> dream of men in tossing ships That beat their way around the Horn; I look on ancient battered hulls Well washed and worn by many seas; J hear the plaintive cries of grills That soar about with grateful ease, And, putting all toy cares away, i dream such dreams as once they had .Who. sailing up the splendid bay. Beheld Golcouda and were glad. The wild duels wings its graceful Hight Unmindful of the passing throngs. And all thatl spreads before my sight Still fairly to romance belongs; ■> The splendid cities on the shores ' ' Remind me of their fearless quest iuho came to claim the golden stores That turned men's longing to the West; ®ar out the mightty ocean gleams. ’ The breeze blows sweet across the bay. And all that is prosaic seems Ou fancy’s wings to float away. ' —S. E. KISER, in ‘•Record-Herald.” ] More Clever titan the JUinister. “? Tn some of the more remote parts of rural Scotland it is still the custom of the minister, when calling upon his flock, to have all the members of the household come in for prayers ami to be tested in their knowledge of the Bible. Ou oue such occasion the minister, having interrogated the more immediate members of the family to his satisfaction, came finally to the ploughboy, who Was standing awestruck by the door, tremblingly awaiting his turn. Minister: “Noo, Saundy, I’ll gie ye a Wee bit easy ane: ye’ll nae ha o’er muckle time fer leadin’. Can ye tell roe why the children of Israel made a goolden calf?” Saundy: “Waal. I dinna ken. meenisier, unless it be they did na ha’ goold enoo ta niak’ a coo.” A Judge of Tea. A certain suburban gentleman, who 5b somewhat of a gourmet, discovered one day that his wife was giving him tea at 1/4 to drink. Although he had never made any complaints about the quality of the tea, no sooner did he discover the price than he detected all sorts of shortcomings in the article supplied, and when he went down to business that morning he dropped into a tea store and bought a pound of orange pekoe at 3/6. This he carried home in the night, and, taking the opportunity of the kitchen being empty, he hunted round till he found the tea-caddy, which was nearly lull. The contents of this lie threw away and replaced out of his own package. It had not been his intention to say anything about the substitution, but next morning he could not help referring to the improved quality of the beverage.” ‘■This is something like tea this morning,” he said. •'Don’t you notice the difference?” “No, I don’t,” said his wife. “It tastes to me exactly like the tea we have been drinking for the last month, and so it should, for it is the same tea.” The husband laughed. •'That’s just like a woman,” he said. “You never know what is good and what isn't unless we tell you. Now. I could have told yon with my eyes shut that this tea is better than what we have been drinking.” “It is a pity you haven't been drinking with your eyes shut all along.” retorted the lady. “Anyhow, it is the same tea.’ “Now I'll just prove to you,” said her husbwftd. “how defective a woman’s •ense of taste is. Yesterday I bought a pound of 3/6 tea, threw out what was in the caddy, and put mine in its place. And to think that you never noticed the difference?’’ ‘ Which caddy did you empty?” “One on the upper shelf of the pantry.’ was the reply. “I thought so,” said the lady qnietlyf “That was some special tea I keep for special occasions. The caddy with the eheap tea is in the cupboard in the kitchen; and this,” she added, with an ex-

asperating smile, as she lifted the teapot, ‘‘was made out of the self-same caddy as it has been every morning. What a blessing it must be to you to possess such a cultivated taste! 1 have heard that tea-tasters get very high salaries. Now, why don’t you ” But he cut her remarks short by leaving the room. ♦♦♦ Willing to Abdicate. A certain prosy preacher recently gave an endless discourse on the prophets. First he dwelt at length on the minor prophets. At last he finished them, and the congregation gave a sigh of relief. lie took a long breath, and continued: “Now I shall proceed to the major prophets.” After the major prophets had received more than ample attention, the congregation gave another sigh of relief. “ Now that I have finished with the minor prophets and the major prophets, what about Jeremiah? Where is Jeremiah’s place?” At this point a tall man arose in theback of the church. “ Jeremiah can have my place.” he said; “ I’m going home.” His Mother and Dicky. She's a woman with a mission: ’tis her heavenbom ambition to reform the world’s condition, you will please to understand. She's a model of propriety, a leader in society, and has a great variety of remedies at hand. Each a sovereign specific, with a title scientific, for the cure of things morbific that vex the people sore; For the swift alleviation of the evils of the nation, is her foreordained vocation on this sublunary shore. And while thus she's up and coming, always hurrying and humming, and occasionally slumming, this jaformer of renown, Her neglected little Dicky, ragged, dirty, tough and tricky, with his fingers soiled and sticky, is the terror of the town. At the ’Phone. Mr Higgles was trying to call up a friend who lived in a suburban town. Mr Higgles looked up the number, then got central. “Hello!” he said. “Give me Elmdale two-Ought-four-seven.” “Elmdale? I'll give you the long distance?” | Long distance asked, “What is it!” ■ “Elmdale two-ought-four-seven.” “Elmdale two-ought-four-seven?” “Yes.” ( “What is your number?” “1 just told you. Elmdale twoought—” * j "1 mean your own house number.” “Sixty-five Blicken-street.” “Oh, that isn't what I mean. Your ’phone number.” “Why didn't you say so?” asked-l Mr Higgles, who is noted for his <pi:ck temper. “1 did. What is it?” “Violet Park eight-seven-seven.” “Violet Park eight double-seven?” “I reckon so.” “And what number do you want?” “Elmdale two-ought-four-seven.” “What is your name?” “My name is John Henry Higgles. I live at 65 Blicken-street, Violet Park; my house 'phone is Violet Park .eight-seven-seven, or eight-double-seven, as you choose; I am married, have no children: we keep a dog, ami a eat. and a perpetual palm, and a Boston fern, and——” "All that is unnecessary, sir. We merely ” “and last summer we didn't have a bit of luck with our roses; I tried to have a little garden, too, but the neighbours’ chickens got away with that; the house is green, with red gables; there is a cement walk from the. street; I am 40 years old: my wife is younger, and looks it; we have a piano; keep a cook and an upstairs girl; had the front bedroom papered last week and I want to ” “Did you want Elmhurst two-ought-four-seven?’ “Yes!” gasped Mr Higgles. “Well, the circuit is busy now. Pleas# call again.” But Mr Higgles wrote a letter.

Answered. Two tourists during a visit to North Wales met a simple-looking rustic on one of the mountains, so they thought they would have some fun as his expense, and one of them said: “I daresay you ean see long distances from here on a clear day*” "Oh, yes, sir; I ean see very far.” “Perhaps you can see London?” "Further than that at times, sir.” ‘•How ean that Ire, man?” “Well, sir,” meekly replied the Welshman, “on a bright dear night I ean easily see the inoon.” “HOWDY, HONEY, HOWDY.”’* Do’ a-stan’in’ on a jar, flah a-shinin' then, OF folks drowsin’ ’roun’ de place, wide awake is Lou, Wen I tap, she aiisweli, an’ I see huh ’mence to grin, - > “Howdy, honey, howdy, won't you step right in?” Den I step erpon de log layin' at de do'. Bles de Lawd, hull mammy an’ huh pap's done ’lueneed to sno’. Now's de time, em evah, ef I’s gwine to try an’ win, “Howdy, honey, howdy, won’t yon step right in?” , No use, playin’ on de aidge. trimblin* on de brink. Wen a body love a gal, tell huh whut he t’ink: Wen hnh hea’t Is open fn‘ de loye you gwine to gin. Pul) yo'se'f togethah. suh. an’ step right in. Sweetes’ inibitation dat a hotly evah hyeabed, Sweotah den de music of a love-sock moek-in'-bird. Cornin' f'om de gal yon lores bettah den yo’ kin,. “Howdy. honey, howdy, won't von step right in:” , Lady Carton's Baba Note. Lady Curzon brought with her front India many quaint specimens of “Babu” letters. Here is one which was addressed to Lady Curzon and received at the Allahabad Memorial Hospital for Women from grateful relatives of patients: Dear She: My wife has returned front your hospital cured. Provided males are allowed at your bungalow, I would like to do you the honour of presenting myself there this afternoon, but I will not try to repay you—vengeance belongs unto God. Tours noticeably.

Distinctly Marked. The frontier between Germany and France is more distinctly marked than that of any other two countries. The frontier line is so arranged that it crosses every road at right angles. On the German side is a large post, twelve feet high, painted like a barber's pole, red, black, and white, with! a cross-pieee at the top with the word, in blaek letters on a white ground, "grenze” (boundary), with an exclamation mark. Diagonally opposite is a cast-iroa post, twelve feet high, whereon is painted in grey, on an iron cross-piece, the word “frontiere.” Such posts are placed only on roads and railways. The line is indicated “across country” by stone blocks projecting about a foot above the ground, at intervals of fifty yards. On the French side of the block is cut with a chisel the letter “F”; on-the German side is the letter “D,” for “Deutschland.” Ruined His Case. A man had entered an action against a railway company for injury to his arm in a railway accident. Opposing Barrister: "I understand you have lost the use of your arm entirely through this accident ?” Plaintiff: •‘Yes.” Barrister: “How high ean you lift your arm now?” Plaintiff with great difficulty moved it about one inch. Barrister: “How far could you lift it before the accident?” Plaintiff: "Right up there” (shooting it above his head). .Verdict for the defendants.