Here and There

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVI, Issue 3, 20 January 1906, Page 15

Here and There

How Grandma Viewed Them. “I’m glad Billy lyid the sense to marry a settled old maid,” said Grandma Winkuni at the wedding. “Why, Grandma’” asked the son. “Well, gals is hity-tity, and widders is kinder overrulin’ and upset tm*. But old maids is thankful and willin’ to please.” Still At It. The youth, in Cupid's tangled net, Swore oft how much he loves her —- Tie swore his love he’d ne'er forget, By moon and stars above her. Two years they've wedded been or more, And thorny is the faring: He swears as in the days of yore. But — it’s a different swearing. “ Ragging ” in the U.S. Navy. Extraordinary interest has been aroused throughout the United States by the court-martial, at Annapolis, of Midshipman Meriwether, for having caused the death of Midshipman Branch, after a fight whieh lasted twenty-three rounds. This interest is largely due to the conditions which govern eadet life at Annapolis. 'Che cadets are chosen by competitive examinations, regardless of social distinctions; and sons of cattlemen, cobblers, miners, and millionaires are trained together, to be fashioned into officers and gentlemen. A cadet’s standing among his fellows is determined by bis pluck, and his pluck is determined by his ability to light—usually under prize-ring conditions. The cadet who cannot or will not fight is shunned by his class, and eventually has to leave the academy. . , Midshipman Fitch admitted before the court-martial that he had refereed prize lights between cadets,. and his brother midshipmen have had similar experiences. The fights are quite fair, but “to a finish,” and in the majority of instances the loser leaves the ring badly disabled. Sometimes he is in hospital for a week—as the result of an “accident.” The body of Midshipman Branch is to be exhumed, at the request of Midshipman Meriwether’s counsel. Medical expert testified that, although the fistfight apparently caused death, an autopsy might show an antecedent cause to be responsible. The records of the Naval Academy show that a midshipman who entered in 1903 and passed the severe physical examination, died a fortnight later from embolism of the brain. Another cadet, a member of the football team, died suddenly after playing a game, and an autopsy showed that death had been cairned by a previous internal injury. Whatever the outcome of the autopsy may be. the mainstay of the defence will be the existence of the “code'’ whereby disputes between midshipmn are settled witli three-ounce gloves. The officials have tolerated this method of adjusting difference:- because of the apparent fairness of the rules governing the contests. Midshipman Meriwether aroused criticism because of his alleged infringement of a number of rules in the eadet code. As a lower-class man, he was not allowed to use certain portions of the academy grounds, nor to ask for anything at table. Infringements of these rules invariably result in quarrels between upper and lower class men. Public opinion is generally with Midshipman Meriwether, ns the evidence shows that he apologised to Branch after the fight, and that Branch accepted the apology. Graphic. Henry Vignaud, the venerable secretary of the American Embassy ia Paris, has done unique work as a historian, having proved that Columbus was, among other things, a good deal of a prevaricator, Mr Vignaud was laughing the other

day about his reputed smashing of Col umbus’ reputation.

“I have not smashed Columbus at all,” he said. “Columbus still rema ns a great, a noble historical figure. But, to hear some people talk about my book, you might think that it contained a smash-up as—as great as ” Mr VignQiid laughed. “ a smash-up,” he continued, “like that which the New Orleans woman saw. She was walking along a quiet lane one pleasant morning, when a man on a bicycle halted her. “ ‘Madame,’ he said. ‘I am trying to overtake a friend of mine. Have you seen up in that direction a gentleman riding a bicycle?* “ ‘No, I have see nno bicycle,* the woman replied, ‘but there’s a man up them sitting on grass mending umbrellas. “Chicago Chronicle.” If Dreams Were Sold. If dreams were sold in exchange for gold I’d buy a dream of thee. Your eyes of blue, with love so true, And looking up to me, Your tender smile and maiden wile For which I’d give my gold— And love so true I’d give to you If dreams were sold! If dreams were sold in exchange for gold. My purse I’d empty, dear, E’en though I knew the shadow of you Only would come near. And the echoed voice would be my choice In exchange for my gold. I would deem it a happy dream If dreams were sold! If dreams were sold in exchange for gold. Happiness I’d buy Though far away I’d dream some day That love would light thine eyes. And the love would be alone for me The love that’s new. yet old— And the dream of you may yet come true The dream that’s old! EARLE E. GRIGGS. •• la Defence of Fairy Tales. The Duchess of Somerset -has lately been expressing her opinion that fairy stories are undesirable reading for juvenile minds, and that children bad much better devote tpemselves to the biography of Julius Caesar and -similar excerpts from universal history. Iler Grace of Buckingham and Chandos has countered this with a book of her grandmother’s fairy tales, and, we believe, the Duchess of Sutherland has also entered the lists in favour of Chide re’l a and Jack the Giant Killer. Into this particular and ducal arena of debate we do not propose to descend, except to point out, in view of the -approach of Christmas, that. well-established legends like those of Alfred and (he Cakes, Canute and h’js Courtiers, or Bruce and the Snider, have also their .pantomimic value, and would seem to combine |he requirements of the oppos-

ing parties. \Ve have no doubt the influent.al nursery public Kill decide the question on its merits by u referendum.

As adults, however, we must enter u caveat against possible icxmoclwsm of the sort. We Ikvc our own contemporary Fairy Tales to cherish anJ maintain. We believe in them so loyally and profoundly that it would be a crying slrame for any prosaic, matter-of-fact • individual to disillusionise us. If one is robbed of a child like faith in these, it may well be asked, what are we to believe? We need only quote a few of their titles from a long list, familiar as household expletives to most of us:— “’i|!ie Largest Circulation of any Three-halfpenny Paper.” “Trafalgar Square; or the Finest Sit» in Europe.” “A Set of Pearl-like Teeth for Haif-a-Crown.” “Umbrellas Mended while you wait.” “The Wild Cat Gold Mine; or Fortunatus’s Purrs.” “Not a Money-lender, but a Gentleman with Capital.” “G'len-fuscJ —the Finest Old Scotch.” “The Sporting Prophet, or our Midday Double.” “The Music-hall Serio and her Real Diamond Chest-protector.” ‘‘The House-Agent and AU TTr.it Messuage.” “The Registry-Office Lady anil flier Priceless Domestic Jewels.” “The Party Politician and Ills New Heavens and New Earth.” And so on. and so forth. Let us, we repeat, cling to the romances or, rather articles of creed which those headings suggest. No lady, however distinguished, shall tamper with the beliefs of our grown up years.—“ Zig Zag." in "Punch.” New Light on the Horse. For information in regard to the makeup and habits of the. horse, that given in an essay by a Bombay student is both suggestive’and picturesque. “The horse is a very noble quadruped, but when he is angry he will not d > so." begins this investigator in the realms of natural history. He goes on to state: “The horse is ridden on the spinal curd by the bridle, and sadly the driver places’ his foots on tie stirrup, ami divides his lower limbs across the saddle, and drives his animal to the meadow. lie has a long mouth, and his head is attached to the trunk by a long protuberance called the neck, lie has tour legs; two are on the front side and two arc afterwards. These are the weapons on which he runs, ami also defends hnuself by extending those in the rear in a parallel direction towards his foe: but this he does only when in a vexatious mood. “Ills foodings is generally gr.s-es and grams. He is also useful to take on his back n man or woman i:s welt ns some cargo, lie has power to run as fast as he could, lie has get no sleep at night time, and always standing awaken. Also there are horses of short sizes. They do the same as the other- are generally doing. There is no animal like the liorsc; they have tail, but no -o long ns the eow and other such like similar animals.” —“Youth’s Companion.”

Sick. V\ n -r’s sick, the house Is al! E« strai hushed in room ami hall! But m« :h« r never will admit Eh- s sva single bit! Ebe v' i t hi do a thing Ti.« r« '< mthing any one can bring - She just ii< - there, and tries to fix ••Herself.” by cunning little tricks! A it- f<»r doctor — why. the word KI . scout- as being most absurd. A wluu he «« mes he has to guess A- niln'< that she won’t confess: An-’ then he’s apt to frown and say: • \ g should haw had me right away. I’ll «•« ntr again this evening** — for Its yon sec. a week or more! W’ <u father s” sock — I tell you. now V • • ght to hear the dreadful row’ “’!>• talk of dying." and the groans! Tht order* iu convulsive tones! Th • hasty runnings to and fro: To rearrange te pillow — so: Tn fix hot water bag and shade; F< r mustard plaster, lemonade! Appeals to get the •hxtor. <piick — And Can t you se- I’m awful sick?” \\ bile father grunts lus pains and fears Whim father grouuts with pains and fears, lie leaves s»»mes drops, and tells us: •Tlmn! 1 n •-s l ui needed I shan’t come Ag.un. [ think he’ll do all right.’’ Aid father’s up. perhaps. by night! ‘•Century Magazine.’*

A Profitable Hunt.

A citv woman who recently spent a few days at a farm bought some poultry from the farmer with a view to th»‘ir providing fresh »‘ggs for breakfast every morning. She sent them to town by messenger, at the same time despatching a note to her husband telling him to took out for the consignment. Iler husband. on reaching his home that night, asked if the poultry had arrived. He was informed that they had: but. explained the servant, he had carelessly left the basement door open and they had all escaped. A fowl hunt was immediately organised. The next day the husband, meeting his wife on her return. exclaimed: "A nice time I had with your poultry! I spent three hours hunting for them and only found ten.” •’You may consider yourself lucky, then.” replied his wife, ‘ for I b ught onlv six.” S'LS*

The ” Never Never ” Country.

<c Th ; ' 'Nover Never.’ when sought for, Seems to have become like the fabled land of I.yvmes-e (writes the Bishop of North Queensland in the Nineteenth i enttiry’ . When I asked the inhabitants of the Queensland township of ( a moo weal if they wece in that wonderful < •••untry. they indignantly repudiated the idea, it is true that they were a far might’s journey from the roust, yet beyond them, they said, a long • iiaitt of pastoral stations stretched into the Gi’lb- piain- of Central Auit alia. Liespite ch* ir protest, however, and without anything but respect -for tin hrav< men a Ari women who an- winning a new ’jewel for the crown of the Empire, the ismntw in which they Five may still Ik’ vaErd by its old name. -Australia is •n-ia’dy a land of far di-tances. This is. perhaps. more obviously true in <luernslantl than ’down below.* as we not over-put itely call the H •dth'-rn State-. The size of Northern Selections.’ for in-lance.. is proverbial throughout th< Commonwealth.’yet pro-bul.-ly k*u Aii'tiuliar.s realise that there

are outpost cattle -tations each inelutli»g country to the extent of between ISOO and 3000 square miles. These stations van be leached, if they are not too far out. by coach ami waggon, but there comes a point when both these means of locomotion must give place to saddle and pa ek-horse. “The climate in the West is dry and bright, although at times very hot byday or very eold by night, according to the season. There are no noisome beasts, with the exception, perhaps, of a few dingoes, who may yelp at the fire from a safe distance. The snake-, numerous as they undoubtedly are. usually share the human disinclination for company. Mosquitoes are not very plentiful away from the coast, but the flies, especially on the plains, are appttlling. They are there in myriads: they attack the ey es; crawl up the nostrils and into the ears; they tight angrily for their share of the food. In short, fney are a pest to man and beast. KXTUEMF.s OF 11.1 MATE. “The remaining three months of the year present to those who move about the country, discomforts and dangers difficult to realise, except by experience. The tropical rainy season normally continences in January and ends in April. During that period the traveller by coach must be prejiared to work hard breaking with a tomahawk the heavy black soil which every few yards cakes so thick upon the wheels that they cannot revolve. Even the wet season lias some eoni]H-nsations. There is plenty of water; and scarcity of water at other times is the greatest danger the. bushman has to meet. It goes without saying that in the dry season the water is frequently far from good. During a recent journey 1 had one night to choose between the respective merits of two small and excessively' dirty pools in a sandy river bottom, in one pool there was a dead bullock, am! the other was covered with green slime. THE HOAD OF DEATH. "Tire track we travelled has been called locally a road of death, and it has justified its name by the long tale of txishmen. travelling alone, who have perisherl m-ar by from thirst. The matter in which these meet their death is prolctby distressingly- simple. The waterhole relied upon is dry. the real traek is missed, or the horses are lost. The la-t oi these di-asters is the most eommoa. \\ hen a eamp is made at night the horses are duly watered, hobbled, and turned out to pick up a meal for themselves. They usually feel back along the road by which they came, and it is surprising how far a hobbled horse can travel by little leaps through the night. At earliest daybreak the bushman sets out to tin.! the horses. Wonderfully quick in eye and ear. he can see the faiutesl traek and hear the softest sound. Br.t some morning there is no traek to see. and no sound to hear, and then he wanders farther and farther in his sear.h. until the bnsh swallows hi tn U p_ {{,. (tc-ided to return to his camp and make a fresh -tart, but eannot find his trail, the trees are alike, and there are no natural landmarks. Suddenly the horror of his position strikes him. and he hurries forward, with a dreadful inclination towards the right or the left, upon the circular track which

ends in death. This is no imaginary case. It is one that is repeated over and over again/’

Where It Belonged.

An amateur authoress who had submitted a story to a magazine waited for several weeks without hearing from the editor concerning ik Finally she sent him a note requesting an early decision, because, as she said, she "‘had other irons in the fire.” Shortly after came the editor’s reply: ’•Dear Aladam. —1 have read your story, ami 1 should advise you to put it with the other irons.’’

Telephone Triolets

litil’o! Are you then'? Number — three-sixty-five! These girls make one swear! Hello! Are you there? I’ve no rime to spare, So please look alive! Hullo! Are you there? Number — three-sixty-five! I rattff up to ?tre It yon'il come to the play. Only just you and me. I rang up to It you’re game for a spree — <’an’t hear me? 1 say, I rang up to see If you’ll come to the play. When we dine? At the Cri— At a quarter to seven. The champagne will be dry When we dine at the Cri. Oh atlorable I>L It will simply he heaven When we dine at the Cri At a quarter to seven. What s that? Your Aunt Jan* Great Soott’ What a row In the ’phone! ITI complain. What’s that' Tour Aunt Jitue— Is she ramping again. The old eat? I.et her miaow! What’s that? You're Aunt Jane? Crear Scott! What a row! —•Tmtoh.

His Happy Return.

It was Old Home Week, and the returned sons and grandsons had been telling with more or loss pride of the changes time had wrought for them. At last Edward dame-on spoke: "I went away from here 20 years ago a poor young man. with only one solitary dollar in my pocket. I walked the four miles from my father’s farm to the station, ami there I begged a ride to Boston on a freight ear. Last night I drove into town 'behind a spiritpair of horses, and my purse—guess how much' my purse holds in money today. besides a large cheqi e.’’ and Mr Jameson looked about him with a brilliant -mile. ■’Fifty dollars!” “Seventy-five!’’ ”A hundred’’’ -Routed the boys, filled with admit at ion. “No.” said Mr Jameson, drawing a large fiat purse from his pocket when the clamour had subsided, “none of you have guessed right. When 1 had paid the 25 cents to Ozzy Boggs for my refreshing drive in the coach I had. best.les my trunk cheque t which I retained for financial reasons!, exactly 4 cents, I have eoiue ba k. my friends, to stay. Any little jobs of sawing and splitting will be gratefully received.’’

Progressive Appreciation.

Some of the country flowers illustrate the truth that •‘the prophet is not without honour save in his own country” as well as any person could possibly Jo it. One morning a summer resident started from Brook by with a bunch of flowers in her ha*id. “Going to tote that white weed into the city?” in quired the man who drove her to the station, with evident scorn. “Yes,” said the young woman, quite Unmoved by his opinion. On the train she was joined by 'another young woman who had formerly lived in the city, but had married a Brook by man a few years before. “Those are pretty daisies you have,” ■she said, tolerantly. “Yes, I think they are,” said the summer visitor, smiling to herself. An hour later she handed the flowers to a fnernl in a busy city ollie?. “Oh, what lovely marguerites!” (.Tied the recipient. “I’m glad you like thtm,’’ said the young woman, quietly. “1 thought you would.’’

Alphabetic Tragedy.

Young Pillman’s got a shingle out Proclaiming him “M.D.” P.nt from A.M. To late P.M. His office is M.T.

Grew Too Fast to Get Enough Nutriment.

Growing so rapidly that his stomach was unable to assimilate enough food, a hoy named Berthold Wenihagen has just died. With his parents and sister the box was on his way to New Zealand. xvherc it was hoped he would improve in health. .His case had puzzled a number of eminent physicians, for. tin ugh but 14. he had grown two feet in a year, being six feet one inch in height xvher. ho died. Instances have been frequent in which patients have become seriously it! because of too rapid growth, but few in which this has caused death. It is believed the hoy literally staived to death.—“ Science Siftings.”

The World’s Smokers.

The amount of tobacco consumed by the wcrid’s sno-kers is shown in a report issued by -the United States Government. Tne total weight <>f to’>a«-»o consume*! and that <•• •nsnmol p r head of the population for the twelve leading countries, in the last year, ar? as follows: — Annual Consumption. Country. Total. Per head. Hjs. lbs. United States.... 44*i.O?m,nno .. 5.40 Germany 2->L7S3,Ui»O .. 3.44 Russia 150.244,<MM» . . l.pl France 84.303.090 .. 2.10 United Kingdom. 83,378.000 .. 1.05 Austria 7S.7.K».«hui .. Hungary 47.JMJ5.u00 .. 2.42 lielgium 44.273.00*1 .. 0.21 Itaiy 34.549.000 .. 1.05 Mexico IS.STO.IHHI .. J.jfll Canada 15.400.0n0 .. 2.74 Australia 10,155,000 .. 2.59 12 countries .... 1.-.**!» »578.‘Mk» .. 2.79 The quantity smoked per head is for the t» t.H population. >»f which the smokers number a bent on -third. The 7'nited Stares, which leads in rhe total consumption, is second to Belgium in the consumpti* n per head.