Wise and Otherwise

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXV, Issue 21, 25 November 1905, Page 17

Wise and Otherwise

Yet another inducement to go on the land. Longfellow has made one familiar with a banner bearing a strange device, but “Excelsior” is quite eclipsed as regards strangeness by- a banner or sign I saw displayed outside a hall in one of the suburbs of Auckland, upon which was emblazoned this cryptic message, “.Sow alcohol, reap drunkenness.” A friend of mine, who occasionally looks upon the wine when it is ruby, invariably replies to solicitous friends inquiring after his health: “Only so-so.” I believe now that “so-so” should be spelt with a “w;” but even so, how would one set about the operation? I have attempted "planting” alcohol on a small scale, but that ended disastrously—it was only a small flask too, which I .tried to secrete from the vigilance of two old-maid sisters who were so intemperate as to be fanatics on the question of total abstinence. However, to leave the difficulties, and look, ns would dear old Dr. Pangloss, upon the bright side of things, the harvesting should be easy work. I have heard of “self-raising flours,” ami since drunkards are invariably ent off early (to borrow from our prohibitionist friends’ vocabulary) I presume the crop is “self-reaping.” •fr + ♦ Having introduced the name of America's great poet at the opening of this matter, I cannot do better at the close, than fry to show how one of his best-known poems might read if used for purposes of party polities— There Is a Reaper who. ns he walks Through Hehls of golden grain. Heeds not their heavy laden stalks. But searches with might amt main For Howers to deck a waning cause. Fit tribute to the d. ad. And, questioned, answers without a pause, In search still, with down-bent head. “I'm not after grain to-day not me. But chaff and a flower or two. And if any grog blossoms you should see .Down your way. let's hear from yon."

1 see that the "Legion of Front iersmen” under the presidency of land Lonsdale has been established in Loudon, and it is to be hoped that the legion that never was listed will soon have both colours and crest, ami with all mv heart I offer the toast —

Then a health- w'e must drink it in wills pers— To the wholly unauthorised horde. The line of our dusty “voerloopers," Our geutleuieu rovers abroad.

The secretary, Mr Roger I‘ocoek. will probably be known to many readers as the author of “The Frontiersman” and a frequent contributor to the principal London magazines. His book tells a portion of his own life to a period of about three years ago, when 1 had the pleasure of being a fellow-passenger with him homeward bound from Capetown. On board Im acted as secretary to the Spotts and Amusements Committees, of both of which 1 was chairman. I never met a man of more amiable character, nor one more truly a gentleman. He had just completed his term of service with the National Scouts in South Africa; but prior to that had spent a considerable time in the Northwestern Provinces of Canada ami Alas, ka, as member of the redoubtable Northwestern Mounted Police, as a miner and as a missionary and doctor amid a tribe of Indians with not anol her white

iuan within some 200 miles. He was a eharming companion and most skilful raconteur. I have most pleasant memories connected with the last evening wc spent together after (lining at that famous old inn. the “Old Cheshire

Cheese,” in Fleet-street. Now' that he is again within reach of the postman 1 hope to have some interesting news for my readers with reference to the “Legion.” 'l* . 4’ I note that an insurance company having its head office in Dunedin has been sued lately in another centre for the amount of premiums paid, with interest, over a period of five years Ths insurer was assured that at the expiration of the term mentioned she would be able to draw in cash the surrender

value of her policy. There being no appearance for defendants, judgment was given for the amount claimed, with costs. -Another company, which appears to be reaping a somewhat attenuated harvest of threepences and sixpences under its industrial tables, makes a bold bid for public-favour by declaring: “We pay all claims in gold’’ personally I should have no objection to notes, and trust the offices will not object to mine. How true is the wise saying of Rochefoucauld: “We promise according to our hopes, we perform according to our fears.” Another Frenchman is said to have painted a picture of the Children of Israel crossing the Red Sea, attired iu chimney-pot hats (amongst other things) and carrying muskets. Were 1 not afraid of committing an. almost as glaring, anachronism, 1 should dearly like to inquire in what office Rochefoucauld held a terminating policy. By the way, the Dunedin company referred to has in its policy a clause which reads: “If any fraud has (sic) been practised upon tne said company, either by or on behalf of and either with or without the consent or privity of the said Proposer or Assured in effecting the Assurance hereby made, this Policy shall be void, and all moneys paid thereunder filial 1 be forfeited to the said Company.” 1 have read of the Employers’ Liability Act, but never have 1 encountered any law under which an employer can penalise a customer for the default or dishonesty of the employee, and while discussing these matters I would like to suggest that something be done to bring the unfortunate canvassers under the chops and factories legislation. It is disgraceful that men of education are allowed to be engaged upon most trying work, meeting tierce competition from opponents and very unflattering receptions from many to whom they endeavour to introduce assnrance, at a wage of nothing a week, while a restaurant proprietor is compelled to pay a statutory salary for strictly defined hours of work to his most menial employee. PROFIT AND LOSS. The canvasser crept through the marble halls And Into the sanctum sanctorum, ."Where Ids manager sat with a clouded brow, For this w:hb Friday, and up tiff now Not one eaee in, and it meant a row; So this was the matter before them. •‘Now, Mt Pusher, this cannot go on; ■ You’ll have to get out and bustle. The end of the week, save .lust one day. And how in the world can wo make pay For directors and managers? What do you say? i Expenses? Oh. nonsense, man*. Hustle!” When Saturday came, our poor friend T*.— A pattern of tact ami docility tM'as shown with remarkable firmness the door; And—“No, Mr rusher; you’ve nothing to draw— No Assets, and. as 1 have told yon before, You also have’ no Lie-ability.” 4* 4* 4? Invariably when I have been subjected to a trial in the balances and have emerged from the ordeal decidedly and excessively “light weight,” instead of comforting myself with flagons. I ruminate over the particular disaster, and then endeavour to put into verse the good advice to which I have refused to give heed myself. “Experience is like the stern-light of a ship —which serves only to illumine her wake.” still it is possible that some may derive profit from the experience of others. In that hope: My son! If a woman assail thee. And tearfully bid thee to lend. .Heed not, and if sense do not fail thee, J’ass her on to a wealthier friend. ’i’he circumstances responsible for the above would never have occurred but for a failing of mine which, upon the principle that no news is good news, consists in the neglect to open private letters until the last possible moment. Hence these tears: My son! Never open a letter Until thou hast broken thy fast; For good news W’th keeping grows hotter. While bad news Is best, left till last.

OLD SALT.