HERE AND THERE.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXIV, Issue 22, 3 June 1905, Page 15

HERE AND THERE.

Just Think! If every fool were answered according to his folly, what a lot of silly conversation there would be!

The Mother of Night. Oh, the Mother of Night is a creature S 3 line! So dusk, dim, and deep is this Mother of mine! ’Tis she lights the stars With a taper, unbars The lattice of moonbeams at nine. She kisses the eyes Of the babies- and hies From room to room softly, and slips The gold poppy wine. At the first stroke of nine, To the childefkins* half-open lips. EUGENIA O. EMERSON.

“ Put the Helium Aport,” It adds to the impressiveness of a pulpit discourse to dwell at some length on certain points, but this sometimes has been overdone. An earnest preacher who, in warning sinners against the rocks of ruin, hail brought up the favourite illustration of a ship in imminent danger of going to pieces on a reef, was prolonging the horror of the scene, demanding what must bo done, etc./when he was interrupted by an impatient sailor among his listeners with: * r ‘'Put the helium aport. von lubber, and luff!”

Thoughts. Thoughts are tike* people i« the street Who come ami go: I cannot* stay their urg?nt feet. Their constant to and fro!'* But must 1 open wide the door • And I t them inTake to my heart what evermore Might bring me grief and sin? Alii let my door be closed and barred; I I! open wide Only to those who are not scarred By envy. hate, or pride: Thon need I fear no thoughts that run Swift- through my mind. For in those thoughts .would shine th? sun Kind love had left behind! —By Kate in “Pall Mall Magazine.”

Death of Alphonse Chassepot. Alphonse ( hassepot, inventor of the famous (.’hassepot gun, is dead. He was the son (.f an armourer, of Mutzig, and followed his father’s trade, entering the French state factories and being transferred to Paris in 1858, where he soon became head of the establishment. He studied the Prussian rille and perfected it. giving his name to the new weapon, which was first used in Italy against the G-aribaldians. It has since been abandoned for a more perfect style of rifle. Chassepot received the cross of the Legion of Honour in 1866.

Excelsior (as the Chinese Tell It). That nighty thu begin chop-chop. One young man walkve. no can stop; Maskee snow, maskee ice. He cally ting with chop so nice - Top-side galow! Ole man talakee: “No can walk; Bim-by lain come, wily dalk; I lab got water, velly wide.” Maskee, my must go top-side — Top-side galow! “Man! man!” one girlee talkee he; “What for you go top-ride look, see!’’ An’ one tlm more lie plenty cly. But allee tlm he walkee high— Top-side galow! “Take care that spoiluni lice, young .man! Take care that free! He want man. man!” That coolie chin-chin lie “good night.” He talakee: “Me can g<» all light"— » Top-side galow! , That young man die. One large dog see; Too luurhee hobbely finder lie. Ills hand b’long flag, nllre san ice lee; II a b got he flag with chop ho Top-side galow!

Concerning Dreams. Do you keep a dream book? You will find it decidedly amusing and not a little instructive, if you will make the experiment. It is simply a matter of placing on a table at your bedside a notebook, with matches and a candle or a small night lamp, and jotting down a word or two of memorandum in regard to such dreams as you remember when you happen to wake up. You will be surprised to find how interesting is the record, preserved in this way, of any two or three nights—nights which, so far as visions are concerned, would otherwise be a blank to the memory.

A White Australia. The preliminary meeting of the Bungalong Eight Hours’ Conceit Committee was being held, and the chairman was reading letters offering assistance. ‘"I have here an offer of a song,” he looked hard at the paper—" ‘A die la morte.’ it says. Well, I’ll move that a letter be sent, thanking the gentleman, but declining ter accept. We’ve taken a strong stand on this here coloured labour question, an- awthough we give credit ter Air. Ah Chee for his charitable motives, it .wouldn t be consistent for us ter take his assistance. I’m a white Australian. 1 am.” “Hear, hear.” remarked the rest of th e committee, fervently, as they unanimously agreed to the chairman’s proposal.

The Flag of the Vatican. The Papal flag is comparatively unfamiliar outside of the Eternal City. The war flag of tho temporal power of tile Pope was white, and in its centre stood figured of St. Peter and St. Paul, \vitli the cross keys ami tiara‘above tliem. The flag of the merchant ships’ owne I by the subjects of the Stales of the Church is a curious combination, half yellow and half white, with the design of the cross keys on the white. In the banner used by the Crusader King of .Jerusalem, Godfrey, the only tinctures introduced were the two medals, gold and silver, five golden crosses being placed upon a silver field. This was done with the intention of making the device unique, as in all other cases it is deemed false heraldry to place metal on metal.

Soulful. Slender Sarah saw Sandy Simon sitting sadly. Simon said. ‘"Sweet Sarah, so sunny, sing something soulful.” So Sarah sang. “Sweethearts Still.” Simultaneously Simon sang strut oriously. Suddenly Sarah stopped singing. She saw snakes slowly sliding sidewise. She screamed, “Snakes. Simon! Strike

strongly!” Simon’s single shot struck tqvarely, Small slmddei ingly said, “Saved! Skilful Simon!” Simon simply -viid ’ S i ving Saudi seems -wtrt.” Sarah simpered. Simon stood stupidly staring. S;?rah >at i» n-.-illy said, “Sappy Simon, so sih nt ! Skip! Simply scoot!" Simon shrewdly ‘-corned scooting. Suddenly, Simon spoke suppliant iy, saluting Sarah's sunny strands. Sarah's senses scatteied. Simon stammered, ‘"Speak, seraphic Sarah!” S.trali shyly succumbed. * *

The Pre-Adamitc. Ho. for a rhyme of the good old time. Ere Adam or E\c was born. When the saurian slept in th • sluggish slime With the unique unicorn. When tiie mermaid smiled on the mammoth mild Ami the dodo sang her lay. And behemoth breasted tho billows wild With tlie plesiosaurus gay. Oh. a happy wight was the Premia mite! tie basked in the griffin’s smile. Or followed t|ie dragon's sportive Hight, Or wept with th? crocodile. An omelet made of the roe’s egg stayed liis appetite so rar?. While whale on -toast and walrus roast .Were his steady bill of fare. No hotel bills or doctor's pills Impaired his appetite: He laughed at gout with his stomach stout. And kept his molars bright. Ho, | a tear and a sigh for the days gone Ami a dirge for tho doughty- dead! t Let the sea serpent shuffle his'eoh and die. For the good old days are sped. ,

Automobiles as Cures. In England medical men are beginning to look upon automobiles as an excellent aid in the euro of consumption. This it due mainly to the fact that persons riding in motors must do so in the jpen nil, the additional advantage being tho exhilaration which goes with it. According to English physicians, persons suffering from tuberculosis would benefit greatly by silting on the front seat of an automobile, and riding at least 100 times daily. Hiirh speed is not so essential. 15 miles an liiair being ample. In sueli a journey the mouthfuls of fresh air inhaled by Hie sufferer vYordd be very beneficial; -Of course, -where dhe patient is weak; such’a long journ(*y shoubb'not Tie undertaken.- Irtit the distance- travelled could be gradually' increased as the patient grows stronger. Sufferers from consumption are taking to this treatment with much alacrity. and it is said that the benefits derived from these motor trips arc soon apparent. ... ~ Localities • that sn-it -the patient best, should, of course, be chosen, and beautiful seen'n should- also be taken into consideration, as it will help to take the patient’s mind from brooding over bis ailment, and this alone, according to physicians, is itself naif a cure.

Tlic Czar in Proverb. Tn a recent nuirber of the Paris “Figaro” were found coUai<<l some characteristic Russian proverbs that regard the Czar and his position, and find much cm rent applicat ion:

“When the Czar spits into a dish, it breaks into piece for very pride. "Tlie crown does nqt protect the Czar from headache. "Even the langs of the Czar cannot .blow out the sun. “The Czar’s back, too. would bleed if it were gashed with the knout. "The Czar even covered with boils is declared to be in good health. "When the Czar rides behind a hired horse, every step is charged as a league. “The Czar may be a cousin of God, but His brother he is not. “The Czar’s arm is long, but it cannot reach to heaven. "Neither can the Czar’s vinegar make anything sweet. "The hand of the Czar, too, has only fire lingers. "The voice of the Czar has an echo even when there are no mountains in the vicinity. "The troika (team of three horses abreast) of the Czar leaves a deep trace behind it. "It is not more difficult for Death to carry a fat Czar than to carry a lean beggar. "'The tear in the eye of the Czar costs his country many, many a handkerchief. “When the Czar writes verses, . . . woe be to the poet! “When the Czar plays, his Ministers have only one eye, and the countrymen are blind. “What the Czar eannot accomplish time can do. "Even the Czar’s eow eannot bring anything vise into the world but a calf"When the Czar has the smallpox his country liears the sears.” Old Rhymes Revived. A correspondent sends us the following collection of gems from the classics. They have been published before, but they are so good as to bear reviving. Bead them very carefully, and if you have an eve for phonetie spelling, yon will discover that you know much more Latin (of a kind) than you imagined. I Sabini hoehes ago! Fortibus es in aro; Fortivagan. forti trux. He vatlvinv.m—l>es au dux! Mollis abuti: lists au acuti: No lasso finis! o mi <l> nriuistres, Cantiulis-eo-ver Meas alo ver? omare oeva si forinoe. Former, ure Tonitrv.! iHinbivuiu as ainaudum; olet Hymen proinptu! Mibi is vet as anne se. As hnmano ereb. O let niecuin marito te, Or eta beta pi. Alas! piano more meretrix. Mi ardor vel uno. leferiam ure artis base. Tolerat me urebo. Ah mo v-ae ara s-cilicet Vi bi nd u vlmen thus? Hiatu as a random sex Ilhio luuicns. He sod lieu vix on imago Fri missis mare sta; Oh eautu redittt in iuihi Hihernas arlda? Averi vafrr fieri si Vrihi resolves indue. Totius olet Hymen cum Arept tonitru! A Dashaway Heroine. The following is the manner in which Mrs Humphrey Ward introduces her worse than wilful heroine, Lady Kitty, in her new novel. “The Marr age of William Ashe.” Kitty arrives late for dinner: — •••Certainly not, she has had ample time.’ said Ladv Grosville, and rang the hell beside her. •’Suddenly there was a whirlwind of no se in the hall, the angry barking of a small dog. the sound of a girl’s voice laughing and scolding, the swish of silk skirts. A scandalised butler, obeying Lady Grosville’s summons, threw the door open, and in burst Lady Kitty. ••‘Oh! I am so sorry,’ said the newcomer in a tone of despair. ‘But I couldn’t leave him upstairs, Aunt Lina! He’ll eaten one of my shoes, and begun upon the other. Ami Julie’s afraid of him. He bit her last week. May he sit on my knee? 1 know I can keep him quiet!” •‘Every conversation in the library stopped. Twenty amazed persons turned to look. They beheld a slim girl in white at the far end of the large room struggling with a grey terrier puppy which she held under her left

arm, and turning appealing eyes towards Lady Grosville. The dog. half frightened, half fierce, was barking furiously. Lady Kitty’s voice could hardly be heard through the din, and she was crimson with the effort to control her charge. Her lips laughed, her eyes implored. And to add to the effect of the apparition, a marked strangeness of dress was at once perceived by all the English eyes turned upon her. Lady Kitty was robed in the extreme of French fashion, which at that moment was a fashion of flounces; she was much decollette; and her fair abundant hair, carried to a great height and arranged with a certain calculated wildness around her small face, was surmounted by a large scarlet butterfly which shone defiantly against the dark background of books.”

A Lot in a Name. Th? Dutch word for an up-to-date motor carriage is ••SuelpaardaloozonderspoorWcgpetreolrytiug.”—“Temple Magazine.’’ What! Nothing in a name? ’No, no, We must protest it isn't so. As most find out by ’ practice. Much in a name may often be; Rend on and you will clearly see How well assured this fact is. Thus, should you have a motor car. And find your friends, and neighbours are. _ Impelled by envy, slighting. You must not let the petty word Of “car” bp by those neighbours heard When you're its points reciting. No!, there's a way. we would submit, By which they must take more of it , When in its praise uniting: Cali it. if you would cause a stir. 5 our “f*n paai -da*-ociz-on-<dr(rv Spoor-weg-pet-ro-01-ry-ting!” Who. on the face of that, will claim That there is nothing in a name?

The Hungarian Problem. The twentieth century opens badly for the big empires of the world. Russia seems in the throes of revolution; and nobody can tell when that tangle of kingdoms and dukedoms and principalities labelled Austria may break up. “It is possible, ’ says the “Argonaut,” “that Francis Joseph will be the last emperor of that tumultuous empire known as Austria-Hungary. Always seething, the pot of Magyar politics lias boiled over. and the past , six' weeks have seen spectacles in the Parliament Houses of Buda-Pesth rarely equalled in Continental history. .“The country know n as Hungary has a population of twenty millions. Hungarians. Roumanians, Germans. Slovaks, Croatians, and Servians make it up. ien millions speak the Hungarian language. According to the statistics of M. Paul Musko, of the Central Bureau of Statistics, there are 4.3*22.960 persons in Hungary over twenty years of age and entitled to vote under an equable distribution of the franchise. But as it is now. less than one million of all the kingdom of Hungary are allowed to vote, and over one-half of these are Magyars—the minority hut dominant race. “Given these conditions it is easy to see that the battles of the races will inevitably bp fought out in the Chamber of Deputies. 'The Croatian and the Magyar and the Slovak and the German do not make consistent alliances nor form a stable party. The opposition is a mere jumble of minorities—it may be, and in this case is. a genuine majority. Over all this .tumult of counsel is the shadow of Austria — the intangible working majority of the Government. “Naturally when parties have many aims and little means of attaining them, certain leaders have arisen to give the whole scene colour and the vitality of individuality. Francis Kossuth. Count Albert Apponyi. Count Tisza, ex Premier Banffy. and one or two others, are the principal generals of the bands now struggling. “The opposition, crying openly for release from enforce 1 union with Austria. hopes that out of the strife it may pull Hungary aside and set her up as an independent and sclf-susptaining kinddam. But it is doubtful whether a country whose legislators, even with the heavy hand of an emperor over them, destroy the furniture of their Parliament House and hang theJ effigy of their Premier over the debris, could gain enough momentum to go its own unaided way. Hungary has always been a debatable ground, and the hot, impetuous inhabitants of it will never reuse from troubling the rulers that cbant<t O 1 might, or choice may put

over them. Tn the language of the sanitary engineer, Hungary has no elevation for a drainage system, no political outlet. It ferments upon itself.” What the Japanese Hat. An interesting and perhaps useful discussion has been carried on in the columns of “The Times” on the subject of Japanese diet. The following letter from the Japanese Ambassador in London gives pretty comprehensively the menu of his countrymen: “It is well known that the Japanese diet consists chiefly of rice, vegetables and fish, with very small and occasional additions of butchers’ meat. “The following bill of fare, which attempts to give the three meals of a day for a family of moderate circumstances, will show how they live. It may also be said that all Japanese live rather simply. whether high or low in their station of life, and the menu can be taken as typical of all classes. “Breakfast (about 7 to 7.30 a.m.). —• Miso soup (with vegetables, tofu, etc.), pickles, boiled rice, tea (sometimes raw egg or boiled sweet soya beans, or natto, etc.). “Lunch (12 noon). —Fish boiled in soya, vegetables stewed in soya, pickles, boiled rice, tea. “Supper (6 to 6.30 p.m.).—Soya soup (with vegetables, fishes, etc.), raw fish sliced and eaten with soya sauce, broiled fish (or boiled) with vegetables (or butchers’ meat or fowl and vegetables stewed ), rice. tea. “All dishes are placed on a tray before the eater at once, and not in courses. Ordinary healthy adults are supposed to consume 11b Bozs to 21b 4ozs of rice per day. which means three small bowlfuls of boiled rice per meal—viz., nine bowlfuls per day. It may not be an exaggeration to say that the Japanese physique is mainly built upon the products of soya beans, such as miso, soya sauce, tofu. etc. “Soya beans are grown all over Japan and in Manchuria, but so far as I know cannot be had in England. “Miso.—Steamed soya beans, barley, malt (rice), salt are mashed and preserved for a certain period, during which fermentation takes place, to produce usually brown pasty mass. This mass is diluted to form soup, etc. “Sova Sauce.—Almost the same ingredients as miso, except a greater quantity of water. After fermentation the diluted mash is strained to obtain the sauce of almost black colour. “Tofu. —Boiled soya beans ground with some addition of het water. The thin mash is strained through cotton cloths, and a small quantity of strong brine is added to it when it coagulates, forming a pretty soft white curdle cake, which is cut into cubes, and is eaten as it is, or in soup, or boiled. The remnant (okara), being a white pulverised mass, called fancifully ‘snow balls’ by Japanese, is eaU-u boiled and seasoned with soya sauce.” The Higher Education. When de nights is growin’ lengthier an' colder, Ah' de pine knot in de bottle's bubniii’ bright. I git out dat lee tie book ob Mistuh Shakespeah’s. An' spell dem writin's out inos’ ebry night. Dey is plays about de ghos'es an de witches. An' inos’ eb’ry kin’ o’ spook you eber saw. An’ the slubbers crinkl? up ma spinal coni ma When 1 read about dat gluts’ ob Hamlick’s paw. But de play I lub de bes’ is 'bout dat felWat took liis wife an’ smoddered her to def Wif de fedder-bed an’ pill »rs an’ de bolster. Till pore Disdemony died fob lack ob href. Some dose plays dry treats ob lub. an’ some ob murders; Dey's a man what dumb one night up July’s wall. Dey’s a Jew what cut his heart out wif An* a king what bad six wlbes an' kilt ’em all: Dey’s anoder king what fit wif all bis daugbtabs, Became dey wouldn’t let him be de boss; An’ a coon dat inurdahed all his poll relations. An’ hollered out, “My kingdom fob a hoss.’’ Oh. de biggest man alibe is Mistah Shakes•penh. An' his plays Jos’ suit dis nlggah to a T: But de bestes’ oh ’em all is ’bout Othello, Kase Othello, he was mos’ rz brack rz me. —Sarah Noble-Ives, in N. York “Lilt.”

My Sister’s Beavis. My grewed-up sister’s got a beau That comes to sec her Sundays; so I hev’ t’ be most orftil good, An’ speak perlite, as small boys should; Fer maw hez said her “dearest wish’’ Is Bobby'll not act heathenish. An’ o’er his vittles mince an’ muss, Should sister’s beau take tea with us. When sis gits all her primpin' through On Sunday afternoons ’bout two, O’clock, I hear a ting-a-ling-A-lang. an’ that’s our door-bell’s ring I know right then my time has come Fer bein’ blind an’ deaf an’ dumb. I s’pert it’s wrong t’ want t’ cuss When sister's beau takes tea with us. I hear him call her “Angel” once; But sis she ain’t, an he’s a dunce Fer thinkin' so. She has no wings. An’ yet when she is fixin’ things For hineh, like cakes an’ custard browned, She does a lot of fly in’ round, A-helpln’ maw t’fix an’ fuss—hen sister’s beau takes tea with us. It was a Bouncing Boy. lhe man with the ineradicable gria stepped off the car and then started along his route. His face looked like a comic supplement in composite. As he walked, he chuckled and joggled his head from side to side. He talked to himself, and then laughed out loud over the things he said to himself. He was a drooler, right, when lie burst into the first cafe that he struck, and. espying a little knot of his gang lined up at the bar, gasped: “Fellers, it’s a great, big hodcarrier of a boy!” Of course, they appreciated his state of mind, and so they did not riducule him excessively. At his third stopping place, however, he struck a snag. One of his most intimate friends and business associates looked depressed, and gloomy when the grinning new dad sang out. “Fellers, it’s a boy!” and shook his head sadly when invit-. ed up to the bar with the rest. “No. Jack.” he said, huskily. “I couldn t think of it. Honest Injun I couldn’t. Have to let me out.” At this the new parent looked mightily grieved. “Ain’t you drinking?” he asked. “Oh. I’m taking my toddy all right. Jack, same as usual,” the intimate friend of the new parent replied, gloomily. “Oh. y’are. hoy?” testily inquired the parent-for-the-first-time. ‘ “Well, what kind of a friend do you call yourself, then, in holding out on me when I’m inviting vou to have one on the—tlie kid?” His friend shifted uneasily to the other leg. and then, gazing straight into the eye of the new dad, he inquired : “Jack, what’s that you said you’ve got up at your house?” hy.” quickly responded the new parent, “a boy—a bouncing boy.” “Ha! Now it’s all right!” yelled the new dad’s friend, making the bar at one hound and ordering his brand. "Say what before, you fathead?” inquired the mystified parent of the new infant. “That it was a bouncing boy,” cheerily replied his friend. “How’d you happen to lose out on your linos like that? Just a plain boy, you said, without any bounce in him! I’ve been forced and bulldozed into getting orreyeyed over new boys for something like a quarter of a century, but they were all bouncing, announced as such at the go-off. and blamed if you aren't the first that ever drifted my way that broke the joyful news with the unprecedented announcement that it was just ‘a boy.’ There was something uncanny and dead wrong about it. and it. knocked me into a cocked hat. f couldn’t think of drinking to one of ’em that wasn’t bouncing! I don't know how they get hy with their job of bouncing. considering their tender age and all that, but that’s the way it's always framed up—they're all bouncers —and 1 wasn’t going to switch my luck l>y tossing any flagon off to one of them that wasn't next to the bouncing business. Not much was J!” Thon it was all right. At a late hour that night he was still making the rounds, but lie hail so amended the announcement that he delivered it this way: “Fellersh, ish a< bounshin’ boy—an Inja rubber bounsher from Bounsherville, Bounsh Goiinty, and y* can shtick a pin in that aho’s you’ll ’meailier it* shoe? Wash gain’ t’ beX”—“New York Telegraph.”