Evenings at the Cosy Club.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXIV, Issue 9, 4 March 1905, Page 58

Evenings at the Cosy Club.

THIS WEEK’S DISCUSSION: “IS MARRIED LIFE FOR A WOMAN PREFERABLE TO SINGLE?” Cliairwouian: Ladies, the question before the meeting to-night is—“ls Married Life for a Woman Preferable to Single?” The discussion will be opened liv .Miss Marian Young, who, being unmarried. is in a position to judge theoretically! and who will speak in favour of it. After that, you are all invited to give voiir views on either side. Maritin (rising): Mrs Chairwoman and Ladies, as you all know, I have never been married —down to the present. But that is not because 1 do not hold with tlu l principle, but for certain private reasons which it is not necessary to inflict on von now. I hold that for a woman the’married life is a far safer, happier, broader, more satisfying life than the single. Safer because she is usually guarded by her husband from temptation of ' every description, and if not consciously by her husband, unconsciously by her own sense of what is owing to herself as his wife,and as the mother of his children; happier Ix’cause more unselfish; broader and more satisfying because she has perforce to throw herself into so many interests outside her own. if she is to keep the intellectual respect and comradeship, to sav nothing of the love of Iter husband, and the devotion of her children. Edith: Mrs. Chairwoman and Ladies. 1 also have never married, and don’t mean to ” Mrs. Plumper (sotto voce) : She’ll never get the chance! Edith (severely) : and never mean to. But judging from all I see and hear of my married friends’ experience, it seems' to me that a woman is far- hap pier and far better off living in single blessedness, for then at least she lias a peaceful, quiet life, and isn't bothered with the ways and tempers of a man Mrs. Plumper: What nonsense! A woman's always bothered with the ways and tempers of someone; if it isn’t a man. then it’s another woman; and a woman's wavs are harder to put up with I han a man's. Edith: 1 don’t agree with you. A man's much more selfish. With him, it’s all take and no give. Now a woman does a bit of both. Marian: Perhaps she may. But then think, on the other hand, how petty and trivial and narrow a woman gets if she doesn’t rub shoulders with a man. Take any household you can think of where there are only women, especially elderly women, and think what an atmosphere of littleness surrounds it. In such a place the four walls that bound their own home bound the centre of the uni verse and of all their interest. Women who live alone may, in fact, they generally do. have great bodily and personal

comfort, because the machinery of the house runs regularly and smoothly, with out the upsets that a man living in the house generally occasions. But it doesn’t seem to me that any amount of personal comfort will make up for the loneliness of the unmarried middle-aged woman. It’s all very well while we’re young, and other people, especially men, help us to have a good time. But remember when a woman is middle-aged, or old and is unmarried, everyone looks on her as rather a nuisance in society or at a party. She is no longer pretty and attractive, so she gets no attention from the men. She isn’t a “Mrs.,” and is therefore of little importance, and consequently gets no consideration from the women. Lena: Yes, that’s true enough, as 1 know by experience! And 1 suppose if all men were good to their wives, it would be different. But think how many are—or at any rate, how many marriages are really happy. How many do you know? Marian: Oh. a great many. Edith: Then you're lucky, for 1 don’t! Ami it stands to reason it must be far. far worse to be married to a man you don’t like (and 1 don’t see how you can be sure you're going to like a man for always till you’re married to him) than not to be married at all. Mrs Nestful: I’m not so sure about that. It seems to me that if a woman isn't married she has lost her share in woman’s natural heritage. No, I’m sure you’re wrong. If a woman marries and is unhappy, well, it must be terrible; I'm sure it is terrible. But if she never marries, then she has always got a grudge against fate that she has not had her fair innings in life. She has not had her chance of being a happy wife and —what is quite as much her rightful heritage—her chance of being a happy mot her. Audrey Scribner: Well, of course, that depends entirely on how you look at things. For my part I don’t see that it is such a great thing to be a man’s wife. If you have a profession or work you like of your own. you have to give it up to look after his house and bring up his children. You can no longer develop your individuality—that is. if you want any peace and quiet in the house. The only way for a married woman to secure that is to become a mere echo of her husband. And T maintain that that isn’t fair. A woman is a breathing, living personality. with a life and a soul as important to her as a man’s to him. Why should she be a man’s chattel and a man’s drudge and a man's echo? Why shouldn’t he be hers? Mrs Plumper: My dear, aren’t you. aren’t we all. leaving out the main, vital point, and arguing around the side issues? We may not approve of things

as they are, we may wish that they, and above all, ourselves, were different. But if we argue for a whole year we shall not get away from the primary fact that a woman is born to love and to spend herself in the service of the one she loves best, if she has the chance! And that one, in the natural, primitive ordering of our senses, is nearly always a man. And if she loves a man, she cares not a jot whether she has a profession, or an individuality, aye. or even a soul.

1 don’t say this is high philosophy, or the Gospel of Woman as it should be. But I do say it is the Gospel of Woman as it is. has been, and probably ever will be! Chairwoman: Ladies, ladies, time's up. Those in favour of married life being happier and better for a woman than a single life, kindly hold up their hands. Thank you—six. Those against it? One. Ladies, the motion is carried by a majority of six to one.