After Dinner Gossip AND Echoes of the Week

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXIV, Issue 9, 4 March 1905, Page 16

After Dinner Gossip AND Echoes of the Week

The Universal Language. Some two months ago. or thereabouts, many readers of the ••Graphic” doubtless received —as I did—a polite circular asking us all to join a club, or association, or mutual improvement society, or something equally worthy, for the purpose of using ourselves, and promoting the study amongst others, of a brand new and infallible Universal Language, yclept ••Esperanto.’’ Somebody was to lecture on or in the language, and impart a knowledge thereof, and those who attended were to pick it up easily all in an afternoon. It was an attractive programme, and I’ve little doubt several if not all of my readers who were honoured with invitations went, and are the wiser for it. By now •’Esperanto” is their natural tongue, and they will doubtless translate the following without the smallest difficulty: Sinjor’ Di’ starigu, Malamikojn pelu Kaj faligu! Pistu politikon, V’enku friponajon, Al ci ni konfidu; Dio nin savu! To me personally they look like a fearsome mixture of Japanese, Russian, Roumanian, Italian, and other tongues, as, indeed, they may bo! ft seems probable. But for the benefit of readers who like myself have not mastered the •universal language, I may mention that the linos are -Esperanto'’ for the second stanza of “God Save the King.” Now. who would have thought it! 1 glean the information myself from the last copy of the “’rimes” to hand via ’Frisco, which gives an account of the annual meeting, which may be of interest to certain leaders out here and students of Esperanto, and of which I therefore condense a port ion:—The proceedings opened with a speech in Esperanto from the president. Mr Felix Moscheles, who detailed certain schisms which seem to have taken place in the brotherhood, under the similitude of the history of two babies, with a due number of allusions io the judgment of Solomon. This tickled the meeting (“tikiis la kunveno” as they say in Esperanto). Lt seems that these Siamese twins now liave <a separate existence, one as the London Esperanto ( Inb, and the other as the British Esperanto Association, and each infant has a journal < f its own to advertise itself, one the “Esperantist,"’ and the other the “British Esperantist.” Miss Lawrence, the secretary, then read the report and balance sheet in her native tongue. The club has over £SO in the. bank, and is going to contribute two of them t<> the international meeting of Esperantists to be heid at Boulogne from August 3 to August 13, the whole of which you <an attend for two francs (“du frankoj”). The rest of the meeting consisted of divers performances in Esperanto, including ihrre items from a recent transl:; lion of "’The Tempest.** “Tono l.umpkino” was a prominent performer in one of the selections along with Sinjoro I lardkastello. Then there Whs a bit fr« in Henry IV.. the address to sleep. -Ho durino.” and there was to have b; < n a eoon song, “Amerika ’Coon.’ Lulo ho kara Lulihi.” As has been intimated, the writer does Hot know enough about Esperanto to comment thereon, but according to the “Times” critic it is in some ways a most annoying language. For one thing, it has no exceptions. Now a Language without exceptions is like a human being without faults, a sort of prig among languages. Again, all the terminations are standardised, and all the accents are on the penultimate. The result is monotony. Thirdly, it is rather agonising at fiincs to the philologist. Take a word like “orfo/’ for instance, for orpluux.

The inventor could not say “orfano,” because it would seem, on his principles, a member of the sect of the Orfs, or something like that- So he throws philology overboard. He makes his word for boat "boato” (pronounced “booahto”) and his word for boot “boto”—facts which cast doubts on his thorough knowledge of English, though he has paid this country the compliment of utilising a very large number of its roots, or rather fragments of its roots. But there is no doubt about the enthusiasm of this little body of Esperantists (“no estas dubio de la entusiasmo de -tui ci Esperantistoj”), and we hope they will keep it up (“kai ni esperas kc ili keepos it up'’). How easy the language is to learn is shown by the amount the ’‘'rimes'’ writer seems to have picked up in writing this article. 4. 4. 4, Can We Become “ Ki wl-ised ? ” Once upon a time the kiwi, with its symmetrical body and abbreviated “bustle,” was a very different bird. '1 here was a time when he boasted two strong wings and a very respectable tail. In fact, he used to fly, and behave generally as a fowl of the air. But then he degenerated. No longer in fear of his natural enemies he had no need to fly from danger, and so his propelling and steering gear was used less and less, till in the course of generations it risappeared altogether, and we have him to-day very much foreshortened about the tail regions, and wingless, but abnormally strong as to his legs. It has often struck me lately whether it would not be possible for the human being of this very advanced age to become “kiwiised” in his motive power. Is it possible for walking to become a lost art, or rather function? Since the days when shank’s pony was the only means of locomotion when a man wanted to shift his camp, the average distance walked by civilised beings must have come down with a run—something like the drop of the barometer before a hurricane in the tropics—and if Mr Coglslan, the famous Commonwealth statistician, or some of his profession, would go into the matter, the result of their labours would prove extremely interesting, if not instructive. The aim of the century is to save a man the use of his legitimate means of getting about, as they would say at the court of Spain, or in plain ‘English, his legs. Horse- carriage, railway, electric tram, so runs the ascending scale, and now in New York they are talking about having moving pavements, from which you step and are carried without further exertion at from four to nine miles an hour, to wherever you desire to go. Of course, the climax will bo the flying machine. So that really in a very short time the only’ use a man will have for his legs will be to double up under him when lie takes his seat in one of the many “contraptions” which the more inventive of his kind have evolved for locomotion by’ proxy. Take our own colonial towns, for instance. Whoever thinks of walking when for a penn'orth of electricity one can sit still and be whirled along at anything up to 30 miles an hour? Distances that were as nothing before the advent of the flash-like trams seem to have stretched in some remarkable manner, and if we miss the last car anywhere within a radius of a few miles of the city, we think we have been very hardly dealt with, and give ourselves a considerable amount of kudos if we do somewhere in the region of three miles an hour. Some of my readers mu.y have seen (or even possessed) one of those quaint little toys, a gnome, all body and head, but innocent of legs, in place of which he is rounded off ami weighted like a cogged dice, so that however you throw him about, he always comes right end uppermost, like an American steanilioat spitteon—a simile which I hope the ladle* will pardon. Thia gnome seeiua

to me to resemble in no small degree the kind of animal we will evolve if these misguided inventors are allowed to go on “kiwi-ising” the human race.

The Leagae of Empire. The preternatural ignorance of the average “stay at home” Britisher, with regard to the great countries of the Empire, is causing perturbation of spirit amongst the leading lights of “The League of Empire,” a strenuous and conscientious society in London and elsewhere, and a series of Sunday lectures lias been started in the Metropolis with the object of blending instruction with amusement, and giving pictorial and other information concerning the colonies and dependencies of Great Britain to all who care to attend. Just before the last ’Frisco mail left the first of these was given by the Agent-General for South Australia, Mr. Allerdale Grainger, and there were present on the platform a couple of live lords, a brace of baronets, four knights no less, and smaller stars of the league constellation. Lord Meath, who was in the chair, told a Seddon story which may be as new to “Graphic” readers as it is to the writer. He observed that to those who stated that such lectures as these were superfluous, lie replied that the persons who knew all about our colonies were in somewhat of a minority. One of the many invitations which Mr. Seddon, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, received ■when in this country was from a lady who said she would consider it a great kindness on his part if he- would appear in native costume. That, probably, was an extreme case, and it might be taken for granted that the great mass of the population were not so badly instructed as the lady who issued the invitation. Still, there was undoubtedly a great deal of leeway to make up. The geography of countries very much nearer than New Zealand and Australia was unknown to vast numbers. He had been astonished at the ignorance displayed by Englishmen with regard to Ireland. The league’s object was to instruct the public and to improve the relations between our fellow-

subjects in distant parts of the world and ourselves. Coming to the lecture itself, Mr. Grainger, I gather from a file of the “Times,” devoted most of the time at his disposal to showing upon a screen lantern views of different parts of South Australia, and explaining their situation and characteristics. In his opening remarks he said that as it. was Sunday afternoon in this country, though not in Adelaide, he would forbear from talking about the productions of the colony. There is, as “Graphic” readers will admit, something to tickle the fancy here. Even Mr. Lewis, who has so scathingly slanged Auckland cricketers for going out a-sailing on a Sunday, is not "in it” as to a Sabbatarianism with Mr Grainger. But what, one wonders, are the particularly immoral products of S.A. which precludes their mention on a Sunday. One would really be interested to know. If all the League of Empire are as particular as the Agent-General for South Australia, the attendant at the Sunday lectures will, like the farmer who drank claret, get "very little forrader’’ on the fare provided. 4. 4. 4. A Startling Percentage. The startling conclusion that one in every thirty-seven persons in England and Wales is a criminal is the first that appears on the surface of the Home Office Report on the Crime of 1904 recently issued. From this source we get the following figures:— Criminals arrested 11,580 Offenders dealt with 791.814 Criminals uncaught 26,714 Habituals “resting” 4,187 Minor offenders uncaught 43,310 First offenders, etc 40,020 T0ta1917,625 The population of England and Wales (to which alone the statistics relate) is, in round figures, 33,000,000, and thus we get the deduction that one in every thirty-seven is an offender of some sort. Bub the figures, of course, take no heed of the fact that many of the minor offenders are convicted again and again

in the course of a year. In one case forty-three convictions were recorded against one person in the twelve months. The, actual proportion is, therefore, probably not more than one in fifty. The figures given above lead to a very, frank and very disquieting admission on the part of the police. For 86,172 serious offences they had only 59,458 prisoners to show. Out of 188,678 prisoners in gaol at the period of the report 4099 were of foreign birth. The principal classes of offence showing an increase are as follows: — Five years’ Average. 1903. Burglary, etc 1X251 .. 2,863 Larceny 37,945 .. 40.127 False Pretences 1,513 .. 1,830 Habitual drunkenness 206 .. 372 Attempted Suicide. 224 .. 273 Drunkenness 213,893 .. 230,180 Increases are also shown under the beads of begging and gambling. The police returns give the following details with regard to violent erime:—

One of the most startling features of the return, however, is the increase in the number of suicides. There were 3460 such cases in 1903, in 869 of which the victims were women; and in 39 cases verdicts of “Felo de se” were returned, 3 in respect of women. r •b 4' -fr Persecuting the Appendix. If any worm ever had reason to turn, it is the vermiform appendix. The doetors, as well as the surgeons, are pretty, well agreed now that its only value is to illustrate the skill of the’ man who takes it out. They are all for expatriating it at the first whimper of insubordination, and eases are not rare in which, while still entirely submissive and peaceable, it is yanked out merely as a precaution against the chance that it may some time do wrong. I don’t think the appendix is having a fair show. It is certainly entitled, at least, to toleration during good behaviour, but the surgeons and doc-

tars are loath even to grant it that. They hold with the pertinacity of conviction that in the matter of the appendix the safe side is the outside. The doctor are as ready as so many Supreme Court Justices to grant certificates of reasonable doubt as to the docility of the appendix. That is all the Burgeons require. Out it conies. They tell you they never knew an appendix that was once successfully removed, to do anybody any harm, whereas in many instances appendixes that were left in have made trouble. I heard a big healthy surgeon say the other day that if he were going on a long trip—say around the world —he would seriously consider the expediency of having his appendix out, merely- to reduce the chances of being sick in an inconvenient place. That the appendix is of any physiological use, or is anything better than a little stick of dynamite awaiting detonation, they have no idea. Tracking all authority that comes from technical knowledge, you or I cannot argue with the medical brethren about it, nor would we hesitate- to be guided by their judgment if our own appendix got to aching. But I do not ■believe that the appendix is having fair •treatment, or that in twenty years from now the detail of evisceration which deals with it will be so popular as it is at present. That individuals may have physical defects which surgery can relieve, we all know, but is it quite credible that all human creatures, fashioned, as we are still taught to believe, in the image, of their Maker, have this universal defect of an unnecessary and irresponsible little gut which exists only to make trouble? A London doctor, Sir William Mac Ewen, said to be a man of high distinction in bis profession, is cited as having come out in defence of the appendix, and in contradiction of the idea that it is wholly bad. He expresses conviction that it has an important function in. assisting digestion, and is the favourite home of micro-organisms which are particularly useful in attacking imperfectly assimilated nourishment. These opinions sound respectable. Everyone should be glad Sir William has avowed them. If he can establish their validity it will be a useful public service. The appendix operation is comparatively new. There has not been time yet to establish the fact so confidently asserted, that a man without an appendix is a better man than one who has one. I don't believe he is quite so good a man—so there!

The Vogue of Skating. Boiler-skating is undoubtedly the "craze” of the moment in Auckland, to use a word very much affected by the

young person of to-day. If anything has a somewhat pronounced vogue the young person calls it a “craze," which is the favourite word in her vocabulary of slangy exaggeration. “Excitement” runs it very closely however. The coming party, ball or what not, is referred to by her in her own expressive way as “the next excitement.” How one would like to hear a certain Dr. Trench, some time Dean of Winchester, on this modern application of these two words. But to return to skating. In spile of the fact that it is summer, and particularly summery at that, the rink is filled nightly with citizens of renown and otherwise, all ardently following this essentially winter pastime. ' Alike all ages.” Not only do the young and thoughtless struggle vigorously with the elusive skate, which always wants to go in the other direction, but “dames of ancient days” and their v.orscr halves shoot in and out among the small fry with spasmodic and unaccustomed. and often unexpected, velocity. One devotee in particular earned my unqualified admiration — for her pertinacity. I would not like to say she “frisked beneath the burden of three score,” but she was vyitbiii a pound or two of it, in sporting parlance. I don’t know which were the more praiseworthy —her attempts to acquire the graceful art at her time of life, or the attempts of the perspiring attendant to maintain his own perpendicular and that of his fair but bulky partner. Yes, they are all bitten very badly, from the busy professional gentleman and staid man of business down to the young thing who gurgles, “Oh, I know I shall fall” about fifteen times every round, and proves her words twice as often. It lias one advantage, however—it makes people perfectly natural. You can’t fix your attention on the vagaries of eight wheels, which evince a strong desire to take as many, if not more, different direction at one and the same*’ time, with a leave-tho-ffbor-altogether feeling thrown in, and wrap yourself up in that cold.mantle of dignity which is so essentially English. Another point in favour of this new pastime—or, rather, the recrudescence of a very old one—is that it makes people more bandy with their feet, to use a Mr. Dooleyism. If you have once learned to skate, you can always rest assured you walk bettor, and that you run less risk from losing your equilibrium when your heel makes the acquaintance of a lurking banana peel.

Crime. Arrests. Mon. Women. Murder Attempt to 171 117 79 38 murder . .. 1)9 87 7R 12 Manslaughter 141 UtTenccs a train st 105 116 49 women . ... 1206 — 1018 —