After Dinner Gossip and Echoes of the Week.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXIII, Issue VIII, 20 August 1904, Page 16

After Dinner Gossip and Echoes of the Week.

The Football Match. so tr* have beaten the Old C'ounIry atvootball! It is really remarkable tvhat universal interest has been excited by this long-expected meeting of the chosen representatives of the Motherland and those of the daughter colony. Men and women who could not tell a Bcrum from a free-kick asked excitedly jon Saturday night, “Who won? - ’ and ■the rejoicing in the various centres reminded one of the incidents which followed the relief of some of those beleaguered towns in South Africa during the Boer war. There was something mon' in the meeting of these picked players than a mere game of football. Those yvho looked below the surface of things Baw in last Saturday’s match one of the bonds which bind people together, and make it so much easier for them to understand and appreciate one another. For years the Australians have had their cricket tests with the Old Country. One may presume that in the future we New Zealanders will have our periodical visits from Motherland footballers, with return visits from the colony, and if we do we can depend on it that the “family ties” will be drawn even closer than they are at present. From a purely football point of view the victory is a glorious one, and we cannot say too much in praise of the fifteen men who have elevated the name Of New Zealand above that of even Great Britain, the home of the game at which We have proved ourselves superior to Our teachers. At the same time, the visit of the Britishers will have a great influence for good on the game, for. though we have beaten them fairly and squarely, the visitors have several points to show us, and if we wish to keep in the van wc must adopt them. ♦ ■4> The Literary Heresies of Dr. t Bakewell. One always welcomes anything from (the pen of Dr. Bakewell. Not that one always agrees with what he says, but he is always so quaint. He writes in Buch a refreshingly earnest manner, and takes himself so seriously; and then he is so cynical! True, he almost invariably takes the sting out of it with some soothing little addendum such as “even BS you and I,” and he is always so frank in his private confessions that one forgets to resent his pointed darts. One of Jiis latest lucubrations was called "Literary Heresies.” Oh, Hamlet, what a falling off was there! The genial old doctor condemned unheard, or rather unread, Wordsworth and a few more of that school, and picking out a weak passage from Shakespeare consigned the Divine William io the Index JCxpurgatorius. There were about ten lines in the doctor's indictment, and he also made some guarded reference to “unquotable, passages,” but just imagine a scholar and a gentleman denying himself the pleasure of, say, A Midsummer Night's Dream, As You Like It, or Cymbeline because of these ten lines and some passages not intended for “the young person!” I will send the doctor a Bowlderised edition Without delay, or perhaps it would be inore satisfactory if we bad one “BakcWcllised?” Wouldn't his lancet (I mean his peu) slice up the anatomy of the Hwan of Avon! I think the result would be much more amusing than the poem Which was written by “The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table” for a temperance community and returned-—with emandalions. The doctor’s verdict on Wordsworth, Keats, Shelly, and a good sized handful more is capital, and reminds one Of a former article from his pen—“ The Rtupidity of the English,” if I remember aright. In tabloid form his jmlgBicnt is: “f have tried to rend them, but cannot; they bore me!” 1 know at

least four people who judge “Paradise Dost” by the same rule, and prefer detective stories. The doctor is charming as an essayist, but as a critic who criticises on sueh methods—ahem! He could never have passed in anatomy when he secured those coveted letters “.M.D.,” if, after he had discoursed learnedly about the head, for instance, he had then bracketed the questions on the “innards” (pardon my Shakespearean unquotability, Doctor) with the side note, “I have tried to study' these things, but cannot; they bore me.” How the venerable College of Surgeons would have stared over the tops of its specs, at this intrepid young aspirant for a license to ent up his fellow men! + + * Soaping Wairoa Geyser on Sunday. There cannot surely be on record (in New Zealand, at all events) a more amazing exhibition of narrow and extreme Sabbatarianism than that displayed last week by the member for Ohinemuri, who solemnly requested Sir Joseph Ward to stop the occasional soaping of Wairoa geyser on Sunday. Had the advisability of soaping the geyser on any' day whatsoever, except under circumstances of an altogether exceptional nature, been raised, one could have understood the honourable gentleman, and he would probably’ have had considerable sympathy from the public, for it seems certain that the constant doses of “common yellow” arc not good for Wairoa, Pohulu, or any of their fellows. But. for an enlightened and intelligent man to object to a Sunday display simply because it is Sunday is incomprehensible. In what possible way can the splendid sight of the geyser in action have an immoral effect on the public? The caretaker has, as Sir Joseph explained, to be about in any’ case, and it is absurd to suppose that dropping a bar or so of soap to give Wairoa a fillip can be considered .Sunday labour. As for the coaches, they travel in any case, and as a fact the large proportion of visitors from Rotorua on these occasions walk. One might as well elose the baths altogether on Sunday, and lock the gates of the Sanatorium grounds. Surely Mr Moss is not one of those who would close our museums and art galleries on Sunday, and who objects to music in the parks where practicable. One had thought that nowadays such narrow views were as obsolete amongst persons ot education as the superstitions of the middle ages. Ono does not care to drag in the somewhat hackneyed but unanswerable dictum, “The Sabbath was made for man.” etc., but. its use can scarcely he avoided in a ease of a man who objects to other persons watchi’g one of the wonders of the Creator on any particular day of the week. We d*o not want, to go back to the bad old days, when tiic blinds were drawn close and Sunday, for young people at all events, was made a hideous and hateful festival dedicated to a cruel and vindictive Creator, who, it was taught infereutially—objected even io the admiration of works of nature on the Sabbath day'. Mr Moss received no support, and the incident is closed, but it is just worthy of comment and provocative of wonder that such a request should have been made in the twentieth century' by an otherwise excellent legislator, and one who has given proof of unusual perspicacity. great good nature, and considerable knowledge of human nature. 4. 4. 4. Our Possible Rival. A mighty pleasant country to live in is Uruguav, South America—mighty pleasant, or would be, rather, but for the inordinate fondness of its good people for revolution, murder, and sudden death both in general and in particular.

Walking out of the beautiful Solis Theatre, Monte Video, one night some 20 years ago, more or less, considerable commotion and a vast amount of screamin« assailed the writer hereof in the vestibule, the eause being two shots tired at the then President, one General Santos, who had survived half a dozen revolutions, and several previous attempts at assassination. The shots pretty completely shattered his jaw, but after a long and precarious time in the hospital he was able, to retire to Europe with the. ample fortune which falls to the lot of every retiring President in S.A., no matter how destitute he may have been on succeeding to that high hut somewhat exposed position. One merely mentions ex-President Santos in passing—as the self-made merchant would say—because the cables last week report the attempted assassination of the present occupant of the Presidential chair—a gentleman with the appropriate but un-Castilian name of Battle. It would seem, then, that little improvement so far as government and internal management has taken place since the writer left—and the importance of this to New Zealand lies here, that when stable and uncorrupt government is

achieved in Uruguay there will come into existence for this colony another and a very powerful commercial rival. A climate, warmer in summer, but otherwise nearly equal to our own, and the finest sheep and cattle pasturage in the world, should have made Uruguay prosperous long ago, and there are a large number of English “estancia” or stationholders now who do well considering; but there is a good deal behind that word “considering.” For instance,, there was, and is yet, so far as I know, no capital punishment for murder, a very common crime by the way. A gentleman who has “wiped out” another—that is their expressive phrase—is arrested, and if bribery, direct or indirect, is within his power, gets off; if not, he is drafted into the army. That is all. He is then supposed to help in putting down the next revolution. However, as he has seldom ammunition, is never paid, and knows that if the revolutionists are successful lie will probably be able to return home, his enthusiasm in the direction required is not to be calculated upon. The army’ —a cheerful set of rnflians, and an unconcerned, where life or property arc concerned—wander over the face of the country visiting and living on the station-holders, preferring the English and German settlers for the superiority of their living. On arrival, one welcomes these parties with enthusiastic mien, for that is not merely polite, hut also the better part of valour. The Commendante, usually’ a man of whom you have heard and know much, a man of multitudinous murders and diabolical cruelty, you must introduce to your private circle, must see him compliment your wife, and fondle your children, both of which things he does charmingly’, for, despite other discrepancies of character, he is before all a polished gentleman. as indeed in manner is the meanest of his party. He and his men must have of your best. Cattle must be killed for them, the wine of Carlon—sweet, heady, strong, poured out liberally—and mate, the tea of the country, served all day long. Moreover, even if it be time, of peace, you will do well to send a few of your best horses and a fat steer with the party on its departure. Such, attention is appreciated, or. rather, its neglect is noticed —promptly and emphatically. But as there is usually’ a revolution on hand, and it is, therefore, generally war time, your armies of either side merely help themselves. Horses are an article of war. and you must, when requested, round up your best for either side. Cattle and sheep, and all that you have, in fact, are freely requisitioned; and since both sides are living free upon you and on the fat of the land, there is usually little hurry over fighting in the country at all events. Then there is no scab law. You will see some English or German owner spend thousands in the most up-to-date methods of cleaning his flocks, but his efforts are to a great extent nullified because his easy going neighbours are willing to leave it to Nature. Dishonesty is rampant, duties are ruinous, exaeljons and extortions of every kind are frequent and free; but so fertile is the country, so splendid the pasturage, that money is even now made. What will it lie when good government is achieved! Only those who have lived there can compute. There seems no present chance of such a thing, but when the rights of lite and property arc respected over those thous-

>nds of leagues of gently undulating pasture, why. New Zealand wiH find a serious rival in the field both for w«ol, frozen meat, dairy produce, and fruit. * ♦ + Destroying a Will. AV hen you have made your will, arO you at liberty to alter it! Probably it is common learning that (he reply to that question should be in the affirmative. You can make as many new wills as you please, always subject to this, however, that if it is a term of any duly recorded contract that you are to make your will in a particular way, and you fail to comply with your bargain, then an action for damages naay lie against your executors. But that is the -Zonly condition upon your freedom, and in strictness there is no limitation even in that. The will made in breach of your contract is perfectly good, but its effect is changed by the recourse against your estate, which the contract gives. The wiH gives all your property to particular persons, but the law of contract steps in and attaches and diverts part of your assets. Almost everybody, knows, too, that you can alter your will by a codicil or codicils duly executed. That process is in faet the making of a new will, but you save the trouble and expense of doing the whole matter over again. But suppose you execute your will, and afterwards change your mind, and make a fresh will, what is the legal effect? says "Lex.” The answer is that the first will becomes an absolute nullity’, unless, indeed, the new will is expressed to be limited to part only of your property. Then both wills would bet proved, and would together constitute your final will. Assume, however, that the second will is executed for the purpose of superseding the former one, but that after you have changed your disposition by the second document you think, for any reason, that the first will was, after all, the one which you really want; what then is your position? You wish the first document to take effect. Can you by destroying the second one revive the first? Why not? you wilt say. If you fear up or burn the second wilt, does not that show distinctly you wish to restore the first one? May you not distinctly say so, and thus give proof of your intention? The law says no. By making the second will you have (apart from the exception above referred to) put an end io the first document. The Act of Parliament dealing with the subject requires your will to be in writing, and duly witnessed in a' specified manner. Consequently’ verbal statements as to your intention to revive your first will are not accepted by the Court. If you want, in short, to bring the first will back into operative validity, you must execute it over again, and eo make it a new, or third, will. Every now and then the ordinary intelligent lay-man, who thinks will-making the simplest of affairs, falls into error in this respect, with the result that he dies intestate, and his property goes, in accordance with the ancient “Statute of Distributions,” as modified, in favour of the widow, by recent legislation. Always recollect that a will has to fulfil certain statutory requirements, or it is waste paper. A guinea or two saved in lawyers’ costs often lands an estate in difficulties and heavy expenses, besides defeating the object of the testator, and substituting the east-iron programme of an Act of Parliament, passed to meet as far as it can the folly of dead propertyowners. ♦ 4* 4’ “ Larking ” in the House of Como mans. I One afternoon in England recently the devotion of hon. members to their Parliamentary duties was somewhat slack, and only a handful of semi-somnolent legislators dotted the green benches. Tor some reason the Liberals were trying to obtain a “count out,” while their political opponents endeavoured to “keep a House.” As everybody knows, if the Speaker's attention ie called to the fact that there are not forty members present the House may be -counted

But. TUinga Wing thus, in the lobby Mr LatM»u<here Jan across a y«»ithfnl Conservative. “What's going on?’’ asked the new Monser. “Only a count. Hl pair with you it you like,” airily responded “l.abby.” The noviee accepted, and, the small ■lumber of members present being thus reduced by two, the House was duly eounted out. It was only when he came to reflect that you cannot pair for a count that the young Conservative realised how very neatly be had been dona by the artful Laboueliere. The most audacious hoax ever perpetrated on the House was the invention of a couple of irresponsible journalists. A more than usually important bye-elee-ition was pending, and it was known that the result would be a elose thing, though, as is usual in such’cases, both sides were (confident of victory. Mr Halfour, then Clrief Secretary for Ireland, was speaking when a telegram was handed to the chief Liberal Whip. “We’ve won!” he cried, waving the pink slip over his head, while his party roared their exultation again and again. Suddenly through tire doors darted Sir Kilis Ashinend-Bartlett, his glasses gleaming with excitement. He, too, flourished a telegram; he, too, beamed triumph all around; and from the Conservative hosts there rose another and ft louder shout. The lately rejoicing Opposition looked puzzled and anxious, for their own candidate had in reality been defeated. The reckless jesters aforesaid had arranged far a confederate to despatch a bogus result to be wired to the Chief Whip Xrf the beaten party so soon as tire counting of the votes had advanced far enough to give the result. The official telegram giving the real result did not arrive, as we have seen, till after the anxious liberals had been imposed upon. Only once have strangers been discovered on the sacred door of the Chamber itself. The hair of hon. gentlemen stood on end one afternoon when someone pointed out two very respectablelooking members of the public calmly listening to the debate from one of the benches below the gangway. They turned out to be two country people up for a holiday in London, who had planned to watch a debate from ithe Strangers’ Gallery. While they Were waiting in the lobby for their member to obtain passes for the gallery, soma joker among the loungers there had directed them to “go straight on” intc the Chamber itself. In their rural simplicity this they did, but to this day it remains a mystery how they managed •to evade the vigilance of the doorkeepers. We have seen how even the wary Whip may fall a victim to the wiles of the practical joker; but when that astute and resourceful person takes a hand in the game his efforts are generally successful. A clevei* strategem of the chief Opposition Whip led to the defeat of„the liisraeti Administration. A big division was expected, and the Government Whips had organised a special service of messengers for the purpose of summoning their wandering flock from dinner, club, party, or theatre, according as their tastes or social engagements led them, so that every Available vote might be recorded. At that time the nimble-bicycle was not in general use, and the. messengers were generally sent iu cabs. When the hour of the division drew inigh, not a solitary cab was seen in Hie neighbourhood. Hie Opposition Whips had chartered them all, and got them safely out of the way, so that Palace Yard was bereft of every single vehicle.