Spinsters and Their Troubles.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXI, Issue XX, 14 November 1903, Page 62

Spinsters and Their Troubles.

By Ella Wheeler Wilcox. In olden times the spinster of mature age was ofttimes the neighbourhood angel and the universal friend of suffering humanity. In modern times the woman bachelor frequently occupies a large place in the public heart, and her opinion is respected by men and women and her character admired, her position assured. Nevertheless it is the exceptional woman who remains single for half a century and does not become abnormal and eccentric and “difficile” in many ways. Without question, living alone, ami thinking alone, and planning alone. i> an unnatural state for a human being. Bachelors are usually cranky and uncomfortable creatures to know intimately. but the fact that they are less pronounced in their whiniisical ideas than the average single woman is due to their wider association with the opposite sex. The bachelor is not deprived of the companionship of women as the single woman is deprived of the companionship of men. The laws of society and peculiarity of the two sexes render the situation entirely different. A bachelor of forty or fifty is often a lion with young girls, ami. of course, is when agreeable, sought after by older women, both single and married. A spinster of that age is regarded as belonging to a past era by young men, and the tastes of the older onefor debutantes and the disinclination of many wives to having their husbands pose as platonic friends of other women leave the attractive spinster with a limited field for the selection of men friends and associates. She is. when self-respecting and refined, compelled to find her comradeship with men relegated to relatives who rarely give or inspire any sentiment stronger than good will, ami who afford but occasional opportunities for a study of the sex as a class. Still another explanation of the single woman’s propensity to become different from married women of her age is the psychological one. The Creator intended the sexes to mate and fill the offices for which nature formed them, just aHe intended the plant to bud. flower and bear fruit. The plant which fails to fulfil anv one of these functions is not normal and is in some way blighted. The woman who is never mated and never a mother cannot be a complete human being. There is a certain blight upon her which affects her whole natuie and disposition more s.'.ntly and peculiarly than the most disastrous marriage could do. She is. as a rule, quite unconscious of the difference between herself and her married friends. If she recognises any. she believes that it is to her credit She feels that she is more sensible, and that sin* has a keener sense of discrimination and is a finer critic. Sometimes all this is true, but it is also unfortunate. The purpose of all life is to make human beings grow broader, sweeter, and more charitable - not more critical and fault-finding. It is the purpose of this essay to set single women to thinking on these lines ami to warn those who care to become agreeable old ladies against the habits which will prevent such a result as the years go « »». I remember a girl of 25 who was the adoration of children and of their mothers. She seemed to be a born entertainer of little ones and a sympathetic friend of their parents. She understood the whims and needs of the young mind-, and her charity was a cloak to enfold their faults, and her tact infinite in leading them from pouts to smiles. Encountered after an interim of almost two decades, what a change was found! She had not married, ami all her interest in children had turned into criticism. She looked at them coldly, deplored their lack of proper training, was horrified at the outlook before them and manifested nothing warmer

than a bored indifference if any one chanced to try to call her attention to the charms or gifts of some child. She was wholly unaware of the unpleasant change in herself—a change which had come about gradually with the passing of years and through her failure to keep the springs of love and sympathy fed in her heart. Instead, she had ehoked them with the debris of carping criticism and unreasonable demands for that perfection of deportment in others which she was so far from exhibiting herself. Neatness and order and system are virtues of the first order, yet many a single woman turns them into rank vices by her fussiness and her strictures upon those who do not possess these habits, no matter how great may be their other qualities- The fussy married woman is not a stranger to any of us, to be sure. but. as a rule, the wife and mother learns to submit to a little occasional disorder without making the household miserable, while the spinster is apt to become a monomaniac upon the subject without hindrance and without any one to tell her how disagreeable a virtue gone to seed can beThe ready condemnation of the frivolous or indiscreet woman, the severity of judgment and the intolerance of another’s ideas are easy faults for the woman to drift into who lives much alone. Now, to every woman who finds herself. from design or accident, single and past 30 I would urge a careful selfanalysis and watchfulness as the days go by. Let her not lose her interest in children, nor turn carping eritie of the youth and maid, nor set herself as judge of all husbands and wives, nor allow her love of order to make her an uncomfortable erank about trifles. Let her be tolerant of the ideas of others and keep love and sympathy alive in her heart. There is much said and written by a certain conventional order of mind about the people who are kind to animals and unsympathetic to human beings and indifferent to children. I think such a combination is most exceptional; kindness and sympathy for animals almost invariably indicate universal kindness and sympathy. But I have encountered two single women in my life who sunk a natural love for children in an hysterical admiration and affection for fourlegged creatures. In both cases an indifference almost resembling dislike was exhibited toward children. The present enlarged outlook for woman is a blessing to the world. It gives the single woman almost unlimited scope and avenues for thought, action and usefulness. Yet the conditions which tend to drive her toward crankiness still exist, and she should face the facts and fight against the results. That married women should seek to grow agreeable and companionable as they advance in years is understood, but the single woman has no husband or children to condone her faults and love her in spite of them, and it behoves her to cultivate the most exceptional virtues as she goes down the hill of life toward a lonely old age.