Men You Must Not Marry

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXI, Issue XVIII, 31 October 1903, Page 65

Men You Must Not Marry

Girls no longer are compelled to marry for a home and support. Once upon a time it was very different. In those days anxious mammas developed wrinkles through much and diligent searching after eligible husbanus for waiting and n-> less anxious daughters. In England the situation remains much the same, where, it is said, the question among girls is not “Whom will we have?” but “Who will have us?” Our American girls can either have whom they choose, or they need not have anyone. Women were taught in the days following the Civil War that they could take care of themselves and others, and ever since that time when financial misfortune has overtaken a girl she has gone bravely to work, instead of turning to marriage as an escape trom enforced and often disagreeable labour. With the knowledge that she was dependent on no one but herself, her fear of old maidenhood has departed, and sensible girls, who are in the predominance. no longer echo the sentiments of a certain woman who had become thoroughly tired of spinsterhood. This worthy lady lost all interest in black eats and tea. and one evening in her anguish she went out under the trees to pray. “Send me a man,” she cried: “let me be married.” “To-who, towho,” floated down from the top of a tree. “Oh. Lord, anybody, anybody.” exclaimed the spinster. If a woman marries unhappily she has much more to lose than a man. Her children make her dependent upon him for support, and there is nothing to do but to bear her burden as best she can. If these gay. light-hearted girls, commonly called “boy-vi-azy.” would give as much careful thought to the question of marriage as they give to a new’ gown and its trimmings, innumerable sad marriages would be avoided. It is the one thing that really counts in a girl’s whole life. For almost everything else she may do tnere is a remedy. There is none for a luckless marriage. “Oh. yes.” says someone, “there is divorce.” Divorce! Is that ■> remedy? Is a girl’s life as pure and unspotted after living a miserable life with a miserable man as when she was a happy, innocent maiden in her father’s home? Are her name and reputation unsullied after having them dragged through a divorce court? No. divorce is not a remedy. It is merely

the lesser of two evils. Even divorce is not to be thought of for the woman with children. Therefore, the girl who wishes to marry will ponder well what she is about to do and not marry the first man who asks her, whether he is good, bad, or indifferent, for fear he will also be the last. DON’T MARRY TO REFORM A MAN. Never marry a man given to the habit “f drinking. Above all. do not marry him to reform him. If a man does not love a girl for her sake before marriage, assuredly he never will do so afterwards. Of all the men to be avoided he is the one to be avoided most. Nothing so transforms a man. makes his such a beast, as liquor. The kindest and most lovable men are brutes when under the influence of strong drink. The greatest curse that ever came into a woman’s life is a man wno drinks. Do wo not all know some dear, brave woman who has faced her trouble and who has striven as only a wife and mother can strive to help her husband and the father of her children to overcome the evil? And how many of there women have been successful? Very, very few. It is heart-breaking to think of it. In nine cases out of ten, if a man has been a drunkard once he will be again. A man can be reasoned out of anything easier than that, and it has spoiled more lives than all the other evils put together. Never marry a lazy man. You will have him to support sooner or later if you do. and as the family grows larger the poorhouse will come nearer. It is a sad fact, but a true one, that the poorer a family is the more children t bey have. Never marry a man who has lived an evil life. Tile horrors resulting from such marriages are too terrible to be discussed here. Don’t marry a man of weak character. Soon you will be ashamed of him. or, worse yet. you will pity him. After marriage pity is not akin to love. THE QUESTION OF HEALTH. Do not marry a man in ill-health. Also, if you have poor health you have no right to marry. Delicate parents bestow their poor health upon their children, an act which is nothing if not criminal. People have no right to bring children into the world unless they are reasonably sure their children will have what is justly theirs—good health and educational advantages. Above all things, do not marry if there is insan-

ity or any other hereditary disease in either family. Such disease will make its appearance sooner or later, ami the parents will have naught to console themselves with save the reproaches of their children. Do not marry a man who is penurious. You will have one long ami bit ter struggle to get even the necessaries of life, and the luxuries will have to be gone without. Do not marry a jealous man. He will want to put you in a glass case so that none but himself can see or speak to you, and you will always be busy explaining to him how it was that Mrs Smith pent Mr Smith to Imutow your step-ladder when he (your husband) was not at home. It would 1h» superfluous to warn any one againsv marrying a man with exasperating, irritating, and pestering ways. sinoe these characteristics are carefully hidden during courtship days, hut if by any chance a girl should discover them, she will be wise not to marry that young man. for quarrels will constantly beset her path. THE KIND OF MAN TO MARRY. But happy is the girl who marries a kindly, sober, industrious young man—one who is good to his mother and courteous to his sisters, and respectful to his father. He will be good to his wife and be a wise father himself. Women were meant to marry and become mothers. They are never so happy, so complete, or in their original sphere as when occupying the place God meant them to fill. This is the ambition of every good, sweet, sensible girl. But it is far better to remain single all one’s life, to struggle for an existence even, to eke out an honest living in any way. to weep with loneliness, than to marry a man who will bring nothing into your life but sorrow.