AS SEEN THROUGH WOMAN’S EYES.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXIX, Issue XXIII, 6 December 1902, Page 1466

AS SEEN THROUGH WOMAN’S EYES.

University Life for Women. “Send girls to the University? Nonsense, let them stay at home ami mind their seam, what do girls want with all that education?” How often do we hear that same old argument, if you can by any stretch of courtesy call it an argument. Wherein is an untrained mind better than a trained one. Why is a woman who can read Greek thereby rendered incapable of doing a plain seam? Can it be that the female mind is unable to take in two things at the same time? Yet it is possible, nay even

probable, that an educated woman could for the moment forget her Greek and devote her whole attention to that all-important scam. 1 wonder why it is nearly always against the Greek language that the anathemas are launched. It seems an innocent enough occupation: ami yet people have been heard to say they would rather see their girls dead than learning Greek. And we might go on asking why till the end of time and never get any mo.'e satisfactory answer than that of the lady in the American book—“ ’Tis because ’tis and it can’t be any ’tiser.” The

world is too full to have room for any save the best trained and the best equipped for the battle of life, and the need of university education is already conceded to girls who hope to make their way in the teaching, medical, and other professions. Their battle is already won; it is not with them we have to do now. But there is a large proportion of girls who in all probability will never have to go out into the world to earn their own bread and butter. For them no less than for their poorer sisters is a University education a good thing. The welfare of

a community depends very largely, I had almost said entirely, on the attitude and point of view of its leisured classes. Society is not a human institution; it is an unconscious growth. We can no more conjure up a state of society—society in its best sense—by a wave of the hand in our day, than the first Napoleon eould create a Court of the old style, though resolved that it should be the richest and most magnificent in Europe. It is impossible to exaggerate the influence that one rank of society has on those below it. What is fashionable in the highest rank to-

day will be fashionable in the second rank to-morrow, and the smaller the community the sooner will the influence permeate. The indirect power of the upper classes is beyond all possibility of reckoning. If they choose to disregard the duties their position entails upon them, if they ehoose to consider that it is a case of every man for himself, to do or leave undone according to his own will and pleasure, and to hold hi.aself responsible to no one, let them not be surprised to find the same doctrine adopted by those who are in positions inferior to themselves. Society depends so largely on its women; let us have plenty of cultured. right-thinking honourable women, we cannot have too many. There is so much energy available on all sides, often sadly wasted or misapplied for lack of the requisite training to direct its operations. There is so much to be done if only people knew how to set about it in the right way. What does it matter though the education we advocate is never to be put into the market and sold for a price? This is a strangely utilitarian age which cannot appreciate anything save by its market value. But, unfortunately, or fortunately, the things that matter most in this world have no market value, the gifs of the gods are not to be bought with money. Why should it be regarded as a convincing argument against any course of action that it is not possible to turn it at once into pounds, shillings and pence? The world would be a dreary place if these disciples of utilitarianism had their way. Think what would be left if all that is not “absolutely necessary and of immediate use - ’ were to be swept away. These are the people who would fain turn our universities into advanced technical schools, to whom the great works of the past are but clogs on the possibilities of the future. What a dreary vista of facts, bard facts, unredeemed by any light of imagination does their scheme of education unfold before nt.. And when they have surrounded themselves with their ideal creation, it will gradually dawn upo i them that they are like the people whj made the perfect figure of a man. but could not give it life. They have forgotten the only thing that matters. Let us beware that we do not follow their example. If we must choose between facts anti imagination, let us by all means have imagination. The facts will always be able to look after themselves. Even so practical a person as the Colonial Secretary tells us that “sentiment rules the world.” To paraphrase the familiar saying. “Let me but dream a nation's dreams. I care not who puts them into practice." The dreams are the only thing that matters. All the deeds we have most cause to be proud of in the history of our country are but the realisation of somebody's dreams, all that we have most reason to blush for are what we did when we forgot our dreams, and let the dust of selfseeking and expediency obscure the clear light from the mountain tops. Empire-builders artists, poets, statesmen. all are alike dreamers. Let us give our women a chance to become dreamers too. But of what avail to mankind is the dream that is. a baseless fabric, a counsel of impossible perfection, not reared on the br >ad foundation of reason, understanding, and knowledge of human nature? Such dreams lead only to bitter disappointment and disillusionment and to sad

waste of material that might have played a useful part in some less ambitious scheme of creation. It is this reason, understanding, and know - ledge of human nature that a University education should help to give to its students. Far be it from me to say that all these advantages will make us better women or better fitted to fill a useful place in the world than our mothers or grandmothers before us; but the world is not standing still. Rightly or wrongly, the circumstances of girls' education are changing too; the system is becoming entirely different. By no possible stretch of imagination can a girl now be said to have finished her education at the age of IS or 19. The subjects she is taught and the way in which she learns them are only intended to form a foundation for a broader education to follow. The logical ending of our latter-dav education is the Universit v.

Take the case of the average girl who leaves scl ~0l at 18 or 19. possibly earlier. What chance has she had of gaining that wider knowledge and understanding which alone will fit her to take that place in the world which lies open for educated women to fill? Exceptional cases there are beyond doubt. Girls whose natural abilities will compel them to se“k the higher ’“arning for themselves. Girls whose circumstances place them at once in a position where they must develop their own characters and buy their own exnerience. But these are the exceptions. Tt is with the average that we are concerned. The average girl returns home to find the space there already sufficiently occupied by her mother and probably a sister or two. Almost of necessity she must fall into thenwav and has no further chance of

finding her level unless she marries and has her own house. This is hard both on the clever and the not clever. On the clever girl because the success she has achieved in the little w-orld of school gives her an entirely false estimate of her own powers, which she has had no opportunity of trying in a sterner contest. On the girl who is not so elever (which often only means that she develops later), because what she has already done is regarded as the measure of what she ean do.

The actual learning and examinations are but a small j»art of the true University education. It is the association. the society, the interchange of ideas, the knowledge of human nature that makes its value at the time when we are shaping the course of our whole future life. A University is but half a University without its residential colleges as an integral part of itself. Cecil Rhodes understood that when he left his bequests to Oxford, because it enforced residence. The Universities of Sydney and Melbourne know it. for they have residential colleges within their bounds. The Scottish Universities realise it as far as their circumstances allow by the foundation of students' unions. Nothing save close

association in a time of common interests will give birth to that esprit de corps, that love of a common cause, without which no people or nation can hope to carry out their share of the world’s work. Women are not merely individuals: t' e ar?

not fighting eaeh for her own hand. Why should they not have the advantages which will enable them to contribute all their forces to the common weal instead of wasting them in combating obstacles whici only they have to encounter? I.A.D. o o o o o The Land of Opal There is still a land sacred to the pioneer, a land where neither syndicates nor limited companies exist, and where fortunes are frequently made by “one stroke of the pick." I'his Land of Promise is in the great Australian desert, on the extreme west of Queensland and New South Wales. The aborigines know it as the ••Never-Never” country. At best it is a region of dreary desolation, on which the sun shines with terrific heat by day. and where by night innumerable pests make life almost unbearable. But it is the El Dorado of the fortune-seeker, for with grim sarcasm nature has gifted that inhospitable waste with a wealth of precious opal; and who can resist the allurements of that blood-flashing gem i Ihe average value of the gems, however, is about £lO per ounce; and

as it is quite a common occurrence for a man to break through a matrix seam carrying anything under one hundred ounces, it is at once evident that “opalling" has some advantages over gold-mining.

Woman’s Life Gay or Grey. Between the ages of thirty-five and forty-five the life of th.* average woman becomes either grey or gay. hi the world of fashion the “gay” matron is to be found; she leads in her circle, she invents new amusements. she delights in being called “dangerous,” and she practises all the arts of coquetry upon the men she meets, especially men younger than herself. Life is a feverish dream to her. and she is never happy save when in the midst of social excitement.

Xot infrequently she brings scandal upon her name through indiscretions of conduct, anil she figures more frequently in the divorce court than do younger women. In the quieter walks of life the women who reach thirty-five begin to find the world assuming a grey colour. All the go-id and crimson fades, he ambitions of early youth are lost, with many of its illusions; romance iias faded, and duty only remains. They perform the tasks required of them as wives and mothers in a mechanical manner, and become “settled" in figure, stolid in face, and prematurely old in appearance.

'l et at thirty-five a woman is entering the very best period of her whole life.

From then until fifty, at least, she should be in possession of her best mental powers, .and she should be most pleasing to the eye. like a radiant autumn landscape. Life should be a thing of delight to her. and she ought to enjoy it with more intensity than ever before, because of her deeper understanding, broader sympathies and clearer j udgments.

It is not difficult for a student of human nature to understand how the society woman of middle age becomes

“gay.” Woman’s emotional nature is at its height at thirty-five and forty, and she craves love more than in her shy and unformed youth. l>ame Fashion incites her votaries to folly and shuts her eyes to indiscretions so long as they are not flagrant. If marriage has proved a disappointment to the Society woman, she easily plunges into the vortex of fashionable dissipation, and finds her only employment in its whirlpool of folly. The very craving for sentiment in the heart of the mature woman in the village or country town is what makes life assume a grey colour for her. She is ashamed of her own weakness and puts away the thoughts which assail her as evidences of a morbid mind. She tells herself that she is no longer young, that she has outlived her romant.e period, and that she must be satisfied to accept the dull old age which lies before her. So she meets it half way upon the road in order to show she does not care.

The husband of such a woman does not dream what is going on in her mind and soul. He has become a money maniac, or is absorbed n politics. If his home be well ordered, his wife and children comfortable, it is as far as his ambition leads him.

He regards sentiment as a thing of the past, and it. never occurs to him to pay his wife a compliment or speak a word of love to her. That would indeed savour of weakness to his mind.

So the grey years go by, and if one day he notices that his wife looks very old and commonplace he feels a sense of personal injury in the fact, and wonders why some women lose their charm so much sooner than others.

The face cannot stay young unless the heart is kept warm.

Every woman who passes thirty ought to keep her brain, heart, and mind alive and warm with human sympathy and emotion. She ought to interest herself in the lives of others and make her friendship valuable to the young.

She should keep her body supple ami avoid losing the lines of grace, and she should select some study or work to occupy spare hours and to lend a zest to the coming years. Every woman in the comfortable walks of life can find time for such a study. No woman of tact, charm, refinement and feeling need ever let her husband, unless she has married a clod, become indifferent or commonplace in his treatment of her. Man reflects to an astonishing degree woman’s sentiments for him.

Keep sentiment alive in your own heart, madam, and in the heart of your husband. If he sees that other men admire you, you may be sure that he will be more alert to the necessity of remaining your lover.

Take the happy, safe, medium path between a grey and a gay life by keeping it radiant and bright. Read and think and talk of cheerful, hopeful. interesting subjects. Avoid small gossip, and be careful in your criticism of neighbours. Sometimes we must criticise, but speak to people whose faults you feel a word of counsel may amend—not of them to others.

Make your life after it reaches its noon glorious with sunlight, rich with harvests, and bright with colour. Be alive in mind, heart and body. B? joyous without giddiness, loving without silliness, attractive without being flirtatious, attentive to others’ needs without being officious, and instructive without too great a display of •rudition. Be a noble, loving, lovable woman.

Madame Calve and the Dressmakers. A characteristic story is told of Madame Calve. Shortly before her last American tour she paid a visit to her dressmaker in Paris. While she was diseusring her costumes with the head of the establishment, which is a

very large one, a couturieie hesitatingly entered the room xnd approach ed her. She came on behalf of herself and her fellow workers to be<> a great favour. Would Madame Calve sing them a song? It was much to ask, but though they worked for her. hardly any of them had ever had a chance of hearing her beautiful voice. At once the great singer consented. She went into the room, and, having satisfied herself that no -Unauthorised persons were present, she delighted her audience of work-girl with two exquisite songs. On leaving she was accorded an ovation which for hear iness probably rivalled any which she had received during the course of he, brilliant career.

Qualifications for Happiness in Matrimony. People, either men or women, who possess the following 1 qualifications are most likely to be happy in matrimony, especially—this goes without eying—if both husband and wife (Hissess them: — 1. A spirit of toleration, whieh will always make one of the two lenient toward the shortcomings of the other. 2. A cheerful temper, which will make both always see the bright and rosy side of things, and laugh at the thousand and one little miseries of < onjugal life. 3. A generous temperament, which sill make them easily forgive and forget little offences and only remember services and good turns. 4. A genial philosophy, which will keep them satisfied with themselves and with each other.

5. A keen sense of humour, which will ever prevent them from making fools of themselves in their own eyes as well as in each other’s, and will till their home with gaiety. 6. An artistic temperament and the love of the beautiful, which will prevent them from making matrimonial life prosy, dull, and monotonous, and will constantly enable them to find something that will keep alive their ideals and feed their intellectual wants.

7. A sober constitution, which will suggest to them that the best matrimonial meal should be eaten discreetly, and never devoured ravenously. Love dies more easily of indigestion than of want.

8. Self-control, which will prevent them from committing one act or even saying one word which they may afterwards regret. 9. Openness, which will cause them to say outright what they mean, mention what little grudge one mayhave against the other, and never to brood and consume their own smoke in sulks and retirement. The sky of matrimony should never be allowed to remain long cloudy. Rather than that, let the one who was right and knows it make advances and get a reconciliation if the one who was wrong will not quickly come forward and do it. 10. Unselfishness, which will cause concessions to be made constantly. 11. Thoughtfulness of the smallest details of ever . day life, careful consideration for the little fads and fancies of the other, self abnegation of every moment, which will suggest to each other to do this or that in order to please the other. 12. Honesty and straightforwardness will inspire in each the respect of the other. There can be passion without respect, or even esteem, but there cannot be love. 13. Great strength of character in the man. an inexhaustible fund of tenderness in the woman, and boundless devotion in both.

14. Good health and intelligence. Sickly and stupid peopl ■ ought not to miarry; nay, ought to be forbidden to marry by the law. 15. The love of a quiet life, of retirement, of the country, of children,

of animals, of flowers, and of all the -inipie pleasures of life. Hi. The love of property, which prevents jealousy, makes a person prefer what he has got to anything else, simply because it belongs to him, and therefore makes him love his home. 17. Similarity, not necessarily character, but of tastes. Tradition and Sentiment ot Bridal Flowers. It may prove interesting to prospective brides who choose their wedding flowers with so much sentiment, to know why certain blossoms have Leen associated with marriage feasts. Orange blossoms are the first flower thought of in connection with weddings. The Saraeens used orange blossoms to crown their brides, and regarded them as the emblems of happiness and prosperity and as a sign of fecundity. The fruit has also its association with the hymeneal altar, as the golden apple presented by Jupiter to Juno on the day of their nuptials is supposed to have been an orange. In Sardinia it is customary to attach oranges to the horns of the oxen which draw the nuptial conveyance. Brides and bridegrooms also are sprinkled with orange flower water, and in ancient limes the bridal bed was decorated with sprigs of rosemary and orange blossoms. The Germans, who use wreaths of myrtle, consider this vine symbolic of purity and fertility, and for the same reason the Roman bridegroom wore a crowd of myrtle, while the bride’s wreath was of roses and myrtle. Myrtle was said to be a favourite of Venus, the goddess of love, and is symbolic of love. In Prussia, however, it is held to be an evil omen for a bridte to plant myrtle, and in other parts of the German Empire verbena wreaths replace the myrtle. In other parts of this same country a hat made of verbenas is presented to the new-made wife, and is supposed to place her under the snecial protection of Venus Vietrix.

In former times rosemary was considered the bridal flower, and was entwined in wreaths and dipped in

scented water. In Greece the altar i.-> entwined with ivy, and the priest presents a branch to both the bride and bridegroom as a symbol of the indissoluble knot of matrimony, while the wreaths of the bridal couple are, in some parts of this land, composed ot poppies. In old Roman times, poppy wreaths were only worn by married women, supposed to indicate by their brightness the joy and happiness of married life. In other parts of the Greek Isles brides wear hyacinth wreaths instead of orange ■blossoms. In Tripoli all bridal gifts are sent covered with flowers. Rose crowns sometimes were worn a.s bride wreaths, being especially love’s flower, but the lily of the valley, now so often used as the bridal flower, was called virgin’s tears and was considered most unlucky as a wedding flower.

The Habit of Being Happy. We take a great deal of trouble to instil into our children's minds the necessity of cultivating little methodical habits of orderliness and the like which will make life e isier for them, but we do not sufficiently realise that there need not be half

as many unhappy, discontented peo pie in the world as there are at this moment, if we believed that it is quite as possible to cultivate a habit of being happy as of being tidy or business-like. Of course, no one can maintain that it is possible to secure for on“’s self or anybody else uninterrupted happiness, or a really happy life. Various circumstances — ill-health, loss of relatives and friends, or grinding poverty—may prevent that; but since it is one’s habitual thoughts and feelings which colour one s I fe in the end, we can secure to ourselves a fair measure of happiness, and. in any case, a. happy attitude of mind, if we will.

Whatever the cares and worries of our own lives, the outside world around us is full of good things

"stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find.” For every one of us there is glorious sunshine, the wonders of the spring, the beauties of the sunset, the laughter of children and the sound of their play. Charles Lamb expressed this idea very beautifully in a letter to a

young ((linker, Robert Lloyd. who had written complaining of the narrowness and sadness of his life:—• “You say that ‘this world to you seems drained of all its sw ets!’ . . . (). Robert, I don’t know what you eall sweet. Honey and the honeycomb. roses and "iolets. a’-e yet in the earth. The sun and moon yet

reign in the Heaven, and the lesser lights keep up tiie.r pretty twin - lings. Meats and drinks, sweet

sights and sweet smells, a country walk, spring and autumn, follies and repentance, quarrels and reconcilements. have all a sweetness by turns. Good humour ami good nature, friends at home that love you, and friends abroad that miss you yon possess all these things, and more innumerable, and these are all sweet things. You may extract honey from everything." We may indeed all set about cultivating a habit of being happy, for there is much to enjoy, if mueh to endure, and discontent is a manyheaded monster who will, if not repressed, swallow up more and more of the peace and usefuL.ess of our lives.