How to Make a Man Happy.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXIX, Issue II, 12 July 1902, Page 123

How to Make a Man Happy.

ON LEAVING HIS FRIENDS ALONE. In consulting the happiness of man, it is as well to remember that he is, above all things, a friendly animal. Woman, on the other hand, is almost incapable of understanding the meaning of the word friendship as a man understands it. She confounds it with love, acquaintance, and the wearing of similar hats and clothing. In short, the friendships of men are institutions in their lives, whereas those of women are merely episodes. As a proof of the natural friendliness of man it may be pointed out that 900 of him will live together as happily as a cageful of lovebirds in any of His Majesty’s battleships —that is to say, in a space one hundred and fifty yards long, twenty yards wide, and about fifteen yards deep. It is to be doubted whether the world will ever possess a ship large enough to contain two women, their hat-boxes and their likes and dislikes, for any space of time, since woman is a jealous soul, with but little affection for her own sex. The heart of man, on the other hapd, is expansive. “The more the merrier” is his motto. He is ready to share his quarters, his pipe, his clothes with anyone who happens to come along. Where, on the other hand, will you find a woman who is ready to lend another woman a toothbrush or a Shiuday hat, or a coat and skirt, if needs be? This is to l:e noticed in a family of boys and girls. You will find Billy quite happy in a pair of Jimmy’s old boots over a pair of Joey's best socks, with Jack's best hat on his head, and Ted’s blue serge coat on his back, not to speak of one of the pater’s collars round his neck. But you will never find Jill wearing Jemima’s eape. or Jane’s new pair of one-and-eleven-three gloves. <.r Julia's new toque! So it happens that, not understanding this natural friendliness of man, the best thing that occurs to a woman when she becomes engaged or married to him is to disestablish his circle of friends. “J do not want any friends now,” she argues to herself. “Why, then, should he want them?” She starts with his feminine friends, since she feels that they must go before she can feel happy and certain in his affections. This happens because she cannot ricogni-e the difference that exists between friendship and love. The next to go are his bachelor friends. They are calculated, in her mind, to disturb his domesticity, and to keep him out at unseemly hours. After these, the friends of his lifetime are warned off the course. By these moves she wakes the m n exceedingly unhappy. He sees the chum who once shared a double perambulator with him slink past him with a timid raise of the hat at the sight of his new wife; he sees the friend of his youth, who was, and is, as dear to him as David was to Jonathan, sneak into a tobacco shop to get out of his way, or, rather, out of the way of his new owner. They are dirty little boys with whom he must not play! They are ragamuffins with whom he must not consort, lest he spoils his clothes or his manners! The man feels it. Still, his attitude

to his fiancee or his wife is gentle. Like the philosopher whose little dog in five minutes' play had torn up the manuscript of a lifetime he merely remarks to himself, "Diamond! Diamond! you little know what you have done! ” He feels like a dog on a chain, or a horse that is newly bridled. He learns that the golden bonds of love, of which novelists and poets write so glibly, are linked with steel beneath the gold. Sometimes, when his wife is “at home." his old friends are allowed to call. Time was when they used to swagger into his rooms, throw their hats into the corner, their coats on the floor, and their feet on the mantelpiece, to make themselves comfortable, with the full intention of staying till the small hours. Smoking the pipe of peace, they would discourse on heaven and earth and all things that lay within and without man's philosophy. They used to cook steaks on the coals of the di ling-room fire, and convert the coal-box into a cellar. If they happened to lose the last train they would camp out for the night on the sofa. Now, they creep timidly into the presence of the dreaded woman who has taken possession < r their friend. They sit on the edge of their chairs, balancing their teacups on the crowns of their hats, and saying. “No, thank you,” politely to a second morsel of tennis-cake. They leave their pipes in the pockets of their overcoats, and ta'k “ping-pong,” looking all the time as though butter would not melt in their mouths.

The husband, feeling as happy as a lodger in a strange boarding-house, hands round the cake ami tea. l>eginning to wonder whatever induced him to get married. He knows very well in his heart of hearts that his old friends, as they sit perched on the edge of the new drawing-room chairs, are indulging in exactly the same wonderment. Thir- hostess is happy, and liegins to plan match-making between some of her bachelor visitors and nice girls of her acquaintance. She thinks her husband is tamed! Little does she know that he is only unhappy, and that sooner or later he will return to his old friendships after a brilliant series of domestic quarrels, which might all be avoided would she but study leaving his friends alone.