Here and There.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXVIII, Issue XXII, 31 May 1902, Page 1070

Here and There.

The number of persons to the square mile in New Zealand, in February, 1871, was 2.456, In March, 1901, it was 7.427. A very old dodge is being resorted to by intended emigrants to South Africa from Sydney by making the same £lOO do for several eases. A “cow-spanker” in Mangatoki, Taranaki, who is milking forty cows on one hundred acres received £3BO 6/8, or £9 14/6 per cow, for the year’s takings. According to last year’s census the North Island has 34 members to represent a population of 388,526, while the South Island has 32 members for 380,215 persons. The removal of this discrepancy will be one of the duties the representation commissioners.

On March 31, 1901, there were 170,593 dwellings in New Zealand, of which 153,782 were occupied. There were 45,499 dwellings of three and four rooms, 52,585 of five and six rooms, and 36,542 containing more than six rooms.

A recent Capetown paper says: — From Mazoe it is reported that two Mashonas recently seeing- a pig killed by a lion attacked the brute and killed it with no other weapons than a battleaxe and an assegai. They escaped one with a scratch on the shoulder and the other with a torn coat.

The question of abolishing the Queensland Weather Bureau has been brought under the notice of the Senate. The Government express a hope that Queensland will carry on till the Federal Government enquire with a view to taking over the Weather Department of each State.

The Wellington “Post” says:—“The plain cotton khaki uniform used as working uniforms by volunteers has some disadvantages. Complaint is made in the annual report of the Engineer Corps that the health of volunteers who step out of their everyday warm tweed suits into the cotton stuff is endangered by chills, and thar the khaki does not wear well.”

Deer are rapidly spreading in Hawke’s Bay. A visitor from the. country informs the H.B. “Herald” that a held of 27 were seen the other day on the Matapiro run, whilst there are many at Olrig, really splendid looking animals. "Behind the Ruahine deer are in great abundance. Probably shooting licenses for deer will be issued by the Acclimatisation Society ere long.

Chiefly owing to the. introduction of oil launches, there has been a great stream of visitors to the Marlborough Sounds during the past summer, nearly 2000 people having, it is said, travelled between Picton and Torea, in Queen Charlotte Sound, alone within a few months.

Another case of serious illness through eating poisoned honey is re-corded-—this time from Opouriao, in the Bay of Plenty. Four Maoris made a meal of bush bonfey last week, and nearly died from the effects. It is stated that their lives were saved through remedies administered by a .European settler.

Some person in Auckland has lately circulated a considerable amount of pro-Boer literature, including leaflets containing slanders on the British troops, amongst the Maoris in the Waikato and the King Country. The chiefs to whom the parcels of literature were sent, however, took very little notice of them.

A correspondent writes to the Hawke’s Bay Herald suggesting that the recent earthquake fees reduced the level of that- part of the colony. He points "but that the tides in the inner harbour have been exceptionally high of lati, and above the usual tide line by fully one foot, while por-

tions of ground usually free of water are now under water. Mr. D. Young, who was in the employ of Messrs. Cable & Co., of Wellington, until three years ago, is one of the victims of the recent volcanic disaster at Martinique. He entered the service of the West India and Panama Cable Ccmpany. Mr. Young, who had a two j ears’ engagement, expiring rext month, was employed on the ill-fated cable steamer Grappler. His father, who resides at Belgrove, Nelson, has received advice by cable that all on board the Grappler perished. •

How greatly the recruiting of labour for the Rand has been accelerated in recent weeks may be gathered from soma statistics forwarded from Johannesburg. From the beginning of the year to March 15 the arrivals of “boys” from Portuguese territory were about 8000, or roughly SOO a week; but between March 15 and April 7 the arrivals were over 4000—an average of over 1300 per week —and the rate is now materially larger.

As to Mahuta's future political position, more will doubtless be heard shortly. At Waahi last week Mr Carroll asked the people to leave their “child,” Mahuta, to him, so that he might exalt him in a manner befitting his rank. This was variously interpreted by the people present to mean anything from a “Kingship” down to an M.L.C.-ship. No doubt Mr Carroll in this indicated his renewal of the offer of a seat in the lipper House to Mahuta. Should it be accepted it would undoubtedly give satisfaction to both Europeans and Maoris, except to the old-fashioned native faction, who still hail Tawhiao’s son as King.

An amusing incident occurred at the meetiug of the City Schools Committee last week. During the discussion on the question of certain appointments, which resulted in the resignation of the members of the Committee, a member commented on the trivial nature of business to which the Committee was relegated. A letter was read from the Board of Education drawing attention to the fact that the Chapel-street School was infested wi‘h rats, and asking what recommendations the Committee made on the subject. The Committee decided to reply that they considered the matter too important for them to deal with, and that they refer it back to the Board.

The Christchurch police, having received instructions to rigidly enforce the law against persons loitering on the footpaths, are proceeding to carry the instructions into effect. In some instances, however, a little more discretion might, says a local writer, be used by the officers. One day three ladies were waiting for the tram at the corner of Cashel and Colombo streets, when a policeman ordered them to move on. On the opposite corner were seven or eight men, who were standing, smoking and expectorating, but—so notice was taken of them. The same sort of thing happens every day in Auckland. It is stated that golf’s death knell has at last been sounded. It is the new game of ping-pong, of course. Several women golfers have declared that they much prefer the indoor game, and a prominent divine, known for his antipathy to Sunday golf, prefers the latest importation even to croquet. He has written the following lines in a young lady’s album apropos of the game: Listen to my sing song, Come and play at ping-pong, Ting-a-ling-a-ling-long, Ding-a-ding-a-ding-dong, Bing-bong, king-kong, That’s the kind of sing song When we play at ping-pong. An Australian ibis has just been received at the Canterbury Museum (reports the “Christchurch Press”). This bird is ou which was shot on the Washdyke Lagoon, near Timaru,

and the pers <n who shot It, not knowing what it was, sent i| to the curator of the museum for identification. Captain Hutton says that the bird is a native of Australia, but is new to New Zealand. In shape it very much resembles the pukaki, but its beak is about five inches in length, with a slight curve at the end, and its plumage is dark, with a beautiful green gloss. Six Austrians in the Wairoa have applied to the Crown Lands Board to have a holding of 120 acres, valued at £3O, leased to them as joint owners. A member of the Board, Mr. R. Thompson, M H.R., said their object evidently was to become Crown tenants, so that they might be qualified to dig gum on the kauri gum reserves in the district. The applicants are to be informed that in view of the small area mentioned the transferees canuot exceed more than two persons. In the course of a speech at the opening of a bridge at Rikiorangi last week, Mr T. Dunean, Minister for Lands, referring to the Conciliation and Arbitration .Act, said there w-as just one thing he had to complain of, and that was the tendency to try and bring all workers down to a dead level minimum wage. It was all very well, but workmen and women should l>e paid according to their ability. There should be differentiation as to the payment superior morkers received. He admitted that the Government had been a little dilatory in the matter of the South African trade. Steamers should have been running to the Cape two years and a-half ago. He was of opinion that the. frozen meat companies should combine to further their own interests, and he was glad to see the Farmers’ Union taking up the question of markets instead of leaving their legitimate profits to the middlemen. It is not often (says the “Otago Daily Times”) that a handsome pile of buildings so frequently changes its designation as that now known as the Stock Exchange Buildings, in Princesstreet. Originally built by the General Government as the chief post office of the provincial district of Otago, its first use was as the University and Museum. From the University Buildings it became the Colonial Bank, and for the past two years has been known under its present designation. One constantly hears it said, and sees t written, that there are no cases of distressing poverty in New Zealand. Y’et there are isolated instances, and no doubt “Graphic” readers will consider this a sad one: A widow ot a barrister who had passed his examinations at one of the Home universities, applied last week to the Wellington Benevolent Trustees for assistance, as she is destitute, but was told that she would have to go to the Melrose Borough Council, for the reason that she is a resident of Melrose. When the applicant stated that she was to be turned out of her house, as it is to be pulled down, the reply of the Trustees was that even if she left Melrose and came into Wellington city to live, the Melrose Borough Council jyould still be liable/until she had been a resident of the city for six months. This phase of ihe law puzfeled her considerably, says the Wellington “Times,” but finally, with a cheery “Good-day,” she set out for the Melrose Borough Council office, though evidently wit'i misgivings as to her success in th: t quarter. It was suggested to her. that her mother, whom she is supporting, should be sent to the Ohii’o Home. To this her emphatic reply was, “I'll never part from my poor old mother. I’d sooner die.”

An amusing incident is recorded from the law courts on the other side. During the sitting of the Full Court yesterday two of the judges were observed to be staring with knitted brows nnd puzzled countenance at a paper on which they were bestowing all the patience and concentration of chess enthusiastics endeavouring to solve a difficult problem. It transpired that they were struggling to decipher a signature, which!

was rendered all the more obscure from the fact that the Christian name add surname were apparently combined. The name was either that of a former governor of a gaol or of the State, they could not be certain which, and one of the judges, after the manner of a man who eries “I’ll give it up," remarked that he had been trying to recall the name of a governor of a gaol which might suggest a solution of the difficulty. The signature which troubled their Honors was that of—“Hopetoun.”

Here is a yarn from South Africa, which would apply mighty well to certain places and people and dinners in New Zealand. Nina writes in the “South African Review”:—Public dinners in Capetown are frequently transformed into extremely grotesque functions by reason of the loug-drawn out pomposity of one or other of our parochial noodles who are selected to propose a toast on the strength of his unhappy “gift of the gab.” More often than not such a toast as “The Army and Navy” suffers from this kind of dull-as>-ditch-water oratory, and an instance has been related to me which might just as well have happened in Capetown as in Edinburgh. At a big banquet a few weeks ago a local merchant took half an hour to submit this very toast to the company, and in doing so used many words of “learned length and thundering sound.” A gallant admiral had to respond for the navy, and he contented himself with saying: “Mr Chairman and Gentlemen, Mr Blank knows a great deal more about battleships and destroyers than I do; therefore. I will simply thank you all for the way in which you have received the toast.”

Mahuta’s village of Waahi, on the Waikato River, has the unique distinction of possessing a band of feminine musicians. This is a fife, or rather whistle, band of eleven Maori girls and women, augmented by the necessary male in the person of a youth who acts as drummer. The ladies’ instruments are long tin whistles, and the effect, with the addition of the drum, is exactly that of a drum and fife band, rather highpitched, but sweet and pleasing, as are also the players. This band is only recently organised, bnt plays exceedingly well; and on high days and holidays it makes things merry in the village square at Waahi. The bandswomen are apparently picked for their good looks, as well as their musical abilities, for they are all rather handsome girls, and as they pipe away at “Hold the Fort,” or “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” (the last-named air is a great favourite with the Maoris) or some dance tune, with their brightest yellow, or pink, or red, or blue “roundabouts” and equally gay gowns on, they make a picture besides which the ordinary masculine band is prosaic in the extreme. When the Native Minister and party visited Mahuta’s settlement this week the ladies’ fife band met them, played them up to the entrance to the village marae, and uhen opened out into two ranks and played away on a popular hymn tune Maorified into quick-time as the visitors marched solemnly through. One of the members of the band is a rather remarkable looking girl by reason of her peculiar golden-reddish head of hair. She is a pure-blooded Maori, but is what the natives call an “urukehu,” a survival of an ancient golden-haired tinge in the Maori, a relic of some long-forgotten racial strain of Aryan blood which now and again crops out in the Maori and the Polynesian. The band, on state occasions in the royal kainga, is headed by a Kinglte retainer bearing a large white flag, inscribed with the legend “Rangimarie” (“Peaceful”).

The many friends in Auckland of Mr A. Reischek, the well-known Austrian naturalist will learn with regret that news was received by mail of his death at Lintz-on the 3rd ol April last. The deceased was for 13 years in New Zealand studying the fauna and securing specimens. He was an enthusiast in his special branch of science, and made many friends here by his kindly, courteous style. He tried hard to. do lasting good to New Zealand by protesting against the introduction of stoats and weasels. He wrote to the press, and communicated with the Government, pointing out the evils that would result from these pests being let loose in this colony. His efforts were, how-

ever, without avail, and the stoats and weasels came to stay. Mr Reischek had a most wonderfully intelligent dog named Caesar, which accompanied him in his lonely wanderings through the New Zealand bush. Caesar was trained so as to catch birds In his mouth so gently that they would not be in the least damaged. On one occasion, when Mr Reischek was away alone in the bush, he met with an accident that laid him up for several days, and starvation in solitude would have been his fate but for the intelligence of Caesar, who hunted.birds himself and brought them to feed his master. When Mr Reischek was leaving Auckland he made special provision for his dog with a friend. At the time of his death Mr Reischek was curator of the Lintz Museum.

The Mayor of New Plymouth, whose Christian name is Edward, presided at a meeting of citizens to consider the means of celebrating the Coronation in that city, and read the following poem, which he attributed to a schoolboy:— Now Edward the Mayor, So as not to be beat, Must, like Edward the King, Give the youngsters a treat. An extra week Is what we seek. Pinned beneath the poetical matter was a cable cutting from Wednesday eight's “Herald,” stating that King Edward had announced a week’s holiday for t he school children in Great Britain during Coronation week. The application was addressed to the Mayor and Messrs. Stohr, Tisch, and Carter —the Coronation Committee appointed by the Borough Council.

The medical etiquette ease of Dunedin has aroused universal attention throughout the colony, and the “leader” columns of the press from, the Bluff to the far North have been filled with dignified condemnation of the action of the Medical Association in general for its manner of treating the tragic incident, and the doctors chiefly concerned in particular. Certainly, so far as can be judged from the full evidence (on both sides), published in the Dunedin papers, no worse ease of ridiculous and inhuman regard for professional etiquette has ever stained the nnnals of what is usually and justly looked upon as the noblest of professions. Most of the doctors who were appealed to in vain to go to the assistance of the unfortunate Mrs Marshall (who was in a critical condition, it will be remembered) have made more or less reputable, or, at all events, passable excuses. Dr. Davies, whose refusal has aroused most indignation, is reported by the papers to have said: “I, as one of those who do object, have a perfect right to refuse to attend. .... My refusal causes no extra risk or suffering to the unfortunate patient when other doctors are willing to attend. I consider that my skill is my own property, and that I should not be called upon to dispense with it If I go to a ease I cannot be compelled to use my skill upon it.” As the Wellington “Times” remarks with justice in this connection, “To plead ‘professional etiquette’ is a poor excuse to offer when a mother’s life is in immiment danger; and the indignation that has been aroused in Otago by Dr. Davies’s conduct is justified alike by reason and humanity.”

Amongst the many results in connection with the recent visit of Prince Henry of Prussia to the United States is— it goes without saying—the concoction of a new “Yankee” drink. It is known as “Hohenzollern pick-me-up” (had they called it “knock-me-down” it would have been nearer the mark). The recipe has been sent to the Kaiser. In case any would care to sample it, here it is: Four quarts of brandy, one quart each of port, sherry, Sauterue and rum, two quarts of Moselle, a half-pint each of Curacoa, Chartreuse and Maraschino, six bottles of champagne, two bottles of Rhine wine and two of Chambertin. After mixing well add twelve thinly sliced lemons, the beaten whites of ten eggs, and two pounds of sugar. This makes enough for twenty-five persons, and averages almost two quarts per head. America is the land of “tall” things,” and you will agree with me that this is a “tall” drink for twenty-five persons. It

would certainly be interesting to learn how many of the twenty-five, after imbibing the prescribed quantity, would be able to distinguish the American from the German flag and pronounce the word "Hohenzollern” distinctly. _ . • It is stated that a number of broadarrowed gentry, who possess good testimonials, will be released at Coronation time, and given another chance to riot at large and plunder the community in the good old way. Whether ’tis right (says the “Speculator”) to extend the clemency of the costly erown to the avowed enemies of Society is a debatable matter, but, at any rate, were a referendum taken of fhe great law abiding public on the subject, the verdict would be that the gentle burglar, the larcenist, the forger, the sheep stealer, the horse thief, the incendiary, the manslaughter person, and other individuals who had transgressed the social code, would be far safer where they were, indeed, there were exceptional circumstances connected with any particular case or cases.

The full magnitude of the Martinique disaster was not at first fully appreciated. Journalists had not started to look the island up on the map and explain about its exports and imports. The smoking carriage (writes Boyet) appeared to have grasped broadly the fact that it-was French, and there popular knowledge on the matter ended. “I don’t wonder that this awful visitation has come upon them,” said one good man. “Paris cannot always flaunt its vice in the face of the worlll without the day of retribution coming.” “Oh, but you’re wrong about this,” said another man. “Paris hasn't been overwhelmed—it’s somewhere right out in the suburbs.”

Ping-pong has found its way into the quarters of the single constables at the Police Station at Christchurch. An excellent table and set have been placed in the dining-room, and in hours of “off duty” members of the force may be seen practising assiduously. with the intention of holding a tournament among themselves in a short time.

A resident of the Dannevirke district, a farmer, has just returned from a three months’ trip round the North Island (says the local “Advocate”). He went by train from Dannevirke to Napier. From the latter town he walked, carrying a change of clothes and a few other things in a swag, to Rotorua, a distance of 156 miles, doing the journey in five days. From there he went to North Auckland, the journey being partly by train, boat and on foot. Returning to Auckland he went Through the Waikato and to the Kawhia, of which block we have heard so nfueh of late. The tourist thought very little of the Kawhia block, and prefers this district to it. Carrying his swag, he walked to Raetihi, where he met a friend, who drove him to Feilding, and thence he went by train to Dannevirke. The trip took three months, and the cost was about £2O. It was a novel and interesting way of seeing the country, and the gentleman in question greatly enjoyed his experience.

Wellington society is laughing just now (says the “Free Lance”) over a most unsophisticated remark made at afternoon tea the other day. A young married lady thought it awfully silly that the young man who stands in the Bank of New Zealand behind the brass lattice should be called a “teller.” Asked why, she said, with a giggle, “Because he simply won't tell at all. Just out of curiosity, I went in one day and asked how much my husband had on deposit there and he only laughed at me. Fancy calling him a teller.”

Few readers of the “Graphic” are, one supposes, aware that there are

marriages and giving in marriage amongst the Boer- prisoners at St. Helena. But there are, as witness this: One of the most miraculous escapes (says the St. Helena “Guardian” just to hand by the Cape mail) from death or serious injury we have heard of occurred on Sunday morning last. A prisoner of war —who, by-the-bye, was to be married that day, the second one

permitted by the authorities to form a matrimonial alliance in the island was driving a carriage and pair down the street, and the horses took fright near the Baptist Chapel, and rushed furiously through the town. Not being able to turn quickly enough to avoid that opening near the Market-place, the horses bounced against the iron railings, completely smashing them, and snapping some of the cast-iron uprights in which they were fixed, and fell headlong into the culvert, where they lay helpless, with the carriage smashed to pieces about them. The driver, when the carriage impinged on the iron uprights, was shot like an arrow from a bow headlong into the same opening, which is about 12 feet deep, and escaped with but a slight bruise on the leg. Help was quickly at hand, and the affrighted animals were cut loose, and hauled up by ropes, apparently none the worse for their fall. The man must certainly be congratulated on his wonderful escape from injury, and Messrs. Deason Brothers, whose team it was, on their good luck in not having both horses killed.

recently arrived English lady in ’Victoria has tearfully implored her people to leave their recently acquired home and establish themselves at some spot whither it is possible to proceed without running the risk of getting into entanglement, of a tender nature. After staying on a visit with some friends in town, she proceeded to the station to get a ticket for the place to which her parents had shifted. “First return Darling, please,” she said, in the soft, low voice which the great William declares is a most excellent thing in woman- The ticket clerk simpered, pulled down his cuffs, stroked his incipient moustache, and insinuatingly replied, “Where did you say? Dookie?” Unfortunately, he pronounced Dookie as if he was uttering that endearing epithet, which is chiefly popular among the adventurous pairs who have just embarked upon the sea of matrimony, and the lady, in a confused way, said, “That is not what 1 said—Darling, on the Glen Iris line.” The susceptible clerk passed the pasteboard without •another word. Here is another instance of man proposing and nature disposing in the matter of animal pests and their cure: —Some time ago a number of cats were turned out on an island near the mouth of the Rakaia for the purpose of destroying the rabbits. The recent experience of a shooting party in the locality shows that the unfortunate animals are having anything but a good time of it. The

members of the party saw several eats in a fearful state of emaciation, and on one occasion five, on seeing them, actually swam a stream and eame towards them, appealing piteously for food. One of the party shot a rabbit, skinned it and divided it among the poor animals, who fell upon the food like a pack of wolves.

When Australia and England are playing cricket most other interests are relegated to a secondary placeWho will trouble to read the war news when there are columns of interesting matter about the manner in which Darling and Trumper smote a piece of leather with a bit of wood, and the number of times they ran backwards and forwards between two chalk lines? England will be more than consoled for the loss of her steamers if her cricketers win most of the test- matches. The Boers may capture Kitchener himself if Ranjitsinhji captures the bowling of Noble and Jones. Australians will be prouder of the victories of their cricketing team than of the deeds of their citizen soldiers. There is here a certain justification for Kipling’s jibe against the prominence given to modern sport. It is not the sport itself which is condemned, but its relative value when compared with the necessity to make provision for national defence. The love of sport is a healthy natural instinct, but when sport becomes an end in itself rather than a means to an end, danger and not benefit is the result. President Roosevelt is no milksop, but, like Kipling, he believes that in the British Army too much attention has been given to racing, football, polo, and tennis, at the expense of the hard, practical work of the profession of soldiering. That is one truth, but there is another. The love of sport increases, but the practice of sport decreases. The Shah of Persia appreciated dancing, but could not understand why a man should dance when he could pay girls to do it for him! Bigger crowds than ever witness football and cricket matches in England, but for lack of sport the physique of Britain’s manhood is declining. The people pav\ to see the game, not in indulge iuAt. Is there no significance also -to Australians in the fact that it should have been extremely difficult to send a rifle team to Bisley? It is by the rifle, not by the willow, that fields are won.

A youngster presented himself at the Exeter-street pumping station, Lyttelton, one day last w-eek, with five rats in a paper bag. He was a strangei - to the official at the station, and, replying to a question from the latter, admitted that he had come from Christchurch- Where had he naught the rats? Under the wharves. How had he done so? Oh, caught them by their tails as they ran into their holes. “You go to the Council office,” he was told, and he went, leaving the rats, which were duly cremated. He presented himself at the Council office just about noon. To the queries put to him, he replied that he had come from Christchurch by the train at 20 minutes past 11, had caught the five rats under the wharves, and taken them to the pumping station. As that establishment is somewhere about half a mile from the wharves, his performance was, says the Lyttelton “Times,” judged to be altogether too good for the time, and he was toid to be off. He went, but in a moment returned: “Mister, will you give me back my rats?” he said.

General Delarey, who captured Lord Methuen, has perhaps inflicted more defeats on our troops than any other Boer general. He is responsible (says “The Regiment”) for our defeats at Uitvals Nek, Nooitgedacht, Vlakfontein, and the recent convoy catastrophe, while his troops at Moedwill and in the fight with Von Donop’s convoy came very near to annihilating considerable British forces, and were only repelled by the great gallantry and dash of the British troops. At Magersfontein General Delarey occupied the extreme left of the Boer position. The choice of the Magersfontein position was his, in opposition to General Cronje’s suggestion • f a stand at Scholtz Nek. Through-

out the war he has been continuously at the front. He lay very ill for a time at Kroonstad, but rose from his bed to take command of the scattered commandoes opposing Lord Roberts’s advance from Bloemfontein. No man has ever accused Delarey of anything approaching dishonesty. In him is grand material for a loyal British subject. He voted against the despatch of the ultimatum in the last secret session of the Volksraad before the war, and he has fought throughout as a patriot, not as a political agitator. General Delarey is too good a soldier, and has too high a respect for his opponents, to stoop to petty annoyances against the men who fall into his hands. He is in every sense of the term one of Nature’s gentlemen—brave, courteous and chivalrous.

Those New Zealanders (and their name is legion) who have suffered tedious-delay and vexation in travelling over the Rimutaka ranges, will read with interest the following, sent to one of the Wellington papers, in protest against the proposition to take all the railway traffic over the Rimutaka line. It says: “I had an experience of the Rimutaka incline, which I will relate. I left Napier on the 27th March by train for Wellington. There were ten carriages and ttvo vans, and to this light load were attached two locomotives, which took the train as far as Cross’s Creek, where three Fell engines were attached to take us over the hill. These managed to get the train into the second tunnel, where they stuck, and after vainly endeavouring to proceed for some minutes, gave up the attempt, and backed out, and shortly afterwards made a second attempt, with the same result as the first-. The train was then cut up, and the portion at the back of the second engine was left on the hill in the charge of the third locomotive, while the two engines took a portion of the train to the Summit, and there we remained till the second engine returned to the assistance of the third engine with its portion of the train, and eventually, we arrived at Wellington at 9, instead of 7.30 p.m., in time for the people who were travelling to catch the 9 o’clock steamer to miss it. I returned to Napier a few days later in a train of about the same number of carriages as that I came down by, which also had two locomotives; so that it takes nine locomotives to take a train of ten carriages and two vans from Napier to Wellington and back. This may pay, but I doubt it.”

Coming across from Auckland (writes “Mabel,” in the “Australasian”) H.M.s. Royal Arthur encountered the roughest weather that she has been through this commission. For three days -in the Hauraki Gulf (?—Ed. “Graphic”) there was such a big sea running that not an officer on board escaped seasickness, even the Admiral staying below. When she entered Sydney Harbour the sun came out, the sky cleared, and the days have been lovely ever since. As soon as Admiral Beaumont had left the ship steamboats were lowered, and no time was lost by the officers in. following his example. In an hour there was hardly anyone left on board. The cruise seems to have benefited- the whole ship’s company; they all look better than ever. Had one not known the members of the commission by sight, one could easily have distinguished them as they wandered about- the streets by their crushed suits, also by their eagerness to buy new boots and have tea. During the trip there has been very little time for ordering stores, so that the mess caterers of the wardroom and gunroom have been much worried and chaffed by their messmates about the way they are fed. Therefore this week there have been no tea parties on board. Admiral Beaumont goes Home some time in June. There is a report that- the new Admiral will come out in the Crecy, and bring a new commission with him, the old one going home by the same ship without staying out their time here. Great hopes are expressed that sueh will not be the case, as the officers get on so. well together. If it be so, the engineers will be the only old officers to remain here. On May 8 Lieutenant Castle, senior watch officer, surprised the ship by notifying

the Admiral (as is customary) that he was to be married next (this) week to a Sydney girl, to whom he had been engaged for six months.

A sporting milkman owned a horse that had disappointed him twice, but on the strength of a really good gallop he believed that he had the Trial Handicap in his pocket this time. He and his friend the butcher went for a big win, but the horse ran worse than ever. “Well, I’ve done with him now,” said the milky; “you’d better cut him up and sell him for sausages.” “Mince, old chap—minee,” said the knight of the cleaver, "’E ain’t wuth was I in’ skins on!”

A distinguished naval officer, very popular in this colony, was telling this story on himself the other evening to a gathering of his friends. At the time of his marriage he’d had many harrowing experiences aboard ship, through all of which' he kept his courage, and remained as calm as a brave man should. As the time for the ceremony came on, however, his calmness gradually gave way. At the altar, amid the blaze of brass buttons and gold lace marking the full naval wedding, the officer was nil but stampeded, and what went on there seemed very much mixed to him. Fearing the excitement of the moment would temporarily take him off his feet, the officer had learned the marriage ceremony letter perfect, as he thought, and he remembered repeating the words after the minister in a mechanical sort of way. After the ceremony was all over, antt all was serenq ngain, including the officer’s state of mind, the kindly clergyman came up to him and touched him on the shoulder. “Look here, old man,” he said, “you didn’t endow your wife with any worldly goods.” “What’s that?” asked the bridegroom with something of astonishment in his voice. “Why, I repeated the sentence, 'With all my worldly goods I thee endow,’ several times and, despite my efforts, you would not. say it after me.” The bridegroom seemed perturbed for a moment, and then a beaming light came into his face. “Never mind, sir,” he said, “she didn’t lose a blessed thing by my failure.” Everyone has heard of the “retort courteous.” An industrious German, Herr Shuch, has enabled one to make the appropriate, if not courteous, retort, by compiling a list of some two thousand five hundred insulting expressions, and carefully classifying them. He first of all separates them them into five fundamental classes corresponding to the different kinds of persons. that one may feel called upon to insult—-insults for men, insults for women, insults for either sex, insults for children, and collective insults for* syndicates, groups, and corporations. It used to be said that corporations had neither bodies to be kicked nor souls to be damned, but at least, according to Herr Shuch, one may pelt them with withering insults. If a man should be insulted in the street or at the club, he has only to pull out of his pocket the “Schimpfworter Lexicon,” and, findihg the appropriate section, go one better than his adversary. If, tn correspondence, he wish to escape an action for slander, he need only pick out a choice insult and refer his enemy to the aforesaid lexicon p. —]. —. What could be more easy and effective?

Anthony Trollope, the novelist, who years ago visited Australia and New Zealand, and gathered up his experiences into a book, is the subject off a story which is told by the present Lord Chief Justice of England. In a post-office prosecution tried at Hertford Assizes, before Mr Justice Bramwell, Trollope was called to describe the ordinary method of procedure in the chief post-office, of which he was a supervisor. An Irish barrister appearing for the defendant asked, “What are you?” “An official in the post-office,” replied Mr Trollope. “Anything else?” queried counsel. “Yes, an author.” “What was the name of your last book?” “Barchester Towers.” "Now, tell me, was there a word of truth in'that book?” "Really, I can’t say; it was a work of fiction.” “I don't care what it was,

sir, tell me, was there a word of truth in it?” “Well, I don’t suppose there was,” said the author. Whereupon the barrister turned triumphantly to the jury, and asked them how they could convict anyone on the evidence of a man who confessed that he had written a book which did not contain a word of trufti. A writer to the press ’n a neighbouring colony makes some scathing comments on “Kitchen Teas.” We know very little about these affairs locally—the prospective ’ brides who have given kitchen teas being few in numbers. For the benefit of the uninitiated it may therefore be explained that a kitchen tea »s a tea given shortly before a wedding, to which every guest brings something to furnish the kitchen of the prospective bride. On the face of it, such teas do not strike one as being very appalling. To attend a tea armed with a box iron or a saucepan may not be exactly dignified—it surely can be nothing worse. According to the correspondent in question, however, kitchen teas in the State in which she resides are becoming one of the very worst phases of the wedding present tax. Prospective brides no longer express intense gratitude over old-fashioned frying-pans, or admiration for last year’s gridirons. It has become customary, therefore, to give not only aluminium and enamelled saucepans, but copper cooking utensils of very considerable value. Elaborate dish washers, highly approved stoves and costly dressers have been contributed at recent teas, and guests are naturally beginning to wax a little restive under the infliction. From all accounts, however, prospective brides are not the only women in a hurry to exploit their friends. The same correspondent takes exception to the fact that in some houses it is almost impossible to admire art needlework done by a member of the household without being invited to take a ticket in Mary’s table cloth or Lucy’s set of sachets. Many girls boast that they can keep themselves in pocket money by these distinctly unpleasant means, and until their friends get tired of them and their dealings there Js small doubt that they will continue to go on and prosper. In these days, when our shipping is passing from us, the difficulty is to find what the wonderful American people are not doing. American genius has been teaching the Russians how to train trotting horses. George J. Fuller, described as veteran reinsman and trainer of trotters, has just fulfilled his three years’ contract with the Russian Government, and is turning his eyes to the quiet of Nashville, though the Russian Government, it seems, has all but fallen on his neck and wept in the effort to keep him another three years. No wonder Romanoffs sigh, for Mr Fuller has done deeds—demonstrated the superiority of American training, methods over those of Europe, and as director of the leading training school at Krenovoi, has given Russia a delicious taste of the methods and go-ahead spirit of the West. Racing in. Russia is fostered by the State, and is conducted, we are told, on a very high plane. The great Krenovoi school for trainers has a four - year graded course, in which the student is given, amongst other things, practical instruction * in the management and training of the Orloff horse trotter. Every year the best of the horses at Krenovoi are sent to St. Petersburg and sold or raced under the immediate charge of the St. Petersburg Club. “Mr Fuller’s horses” have won nearly everything of late. But though Mr Fuller has made history in Russia, still America says that it is “with the trotting turf of Tennessee” his fame is “permanently linked.”