AS SEEN THROUGH WOMAN’S EYES.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXVIII, Issue III, 18 January 1902, Page 137

AS SEEN THROUGH WOMAN’S EYES.

Comfort for Invalids. In a most sympathetic letter to invalids in the "Ladies’ Home Journal” Mrs Margaret Sangster says:— There is a beautiful old story told of Antoninus Pius as he lay on his bed awaiting the summons of death, his eyes dim with unbidden tears, his limbs moist with the pale sweat of agony. At that moment there entered the captain of the guard, come to demand the watchword, such being the custom. “Aequanimitas”— evenness of mind—he replied as he turned his head to the eternal shad-

ow. Eternal shadow only to the noble pagan, and who knows that with Soerates and Plato, and Marcus Aurelius, such as he did not find that shadow luminous and glorified as they passed through it to the presence of the Creator? “The nature of disease,” said one who had devoted his life to its study and cure, “is to get well.” The great probability is that as time passes you who are weak to-day will grow stronger. Or you may discover a climate which will precisely suit your case, or a new treatment which will prove so efficacious that all the

disagreeable symptoms will depart and the tide of improvement set in like a flood. Such wonderful changes are taking place in medicine, such advances are marked in surgery, such new ways of alleviating pain, that there are a thousand reasons for hopefulness, a thousand excuses for optimism where there was formerly but one. Always set your face firmly toward health. Say that you are better when people inquire; the very declaration will assist in making you feel so. Persistent good cheer and hopefulness are remedial agents very

hard to defeat in the conflict between illness and health. Let good nursing do what it can for you, with that sort of relaxed ami buoyant ease which comes of giving up the care of one's self to other and judicious hands. Be not overready to try all the remedies which friends recommend, and by no means drop too readily a prescription obtained from your physician. Through the fast succeeding ups ami downs of the trouble expect and resolve to get well. Not for a singl? instant anticipate staying on the shelf forever. Assert firmly an intention of one day taking your place

with the rest of the folk below. Perhaps you have never yet consoled yourself, dear invalid, with the reflection that your presence in the household is something more than an occasion of service, that it is a distinct blessing to those who minister to you. Deprecating the trouble you make, think sometimes howmuch love is called forth and shown just because you are in need, how gentle the children are, how thoughtful the older ones, ami how friends and acquaintances love to linger in your room, near your chair or your sofa. If you find the children growing ever fonder of you and more considerate you should realise that while they do much for you. you also d > something very fine and sweet for them. All their lives they will understand better what illness demands, and be swifter of compassion ami quicker to relieve pain through the training your sickness has afforded them.

The Fascination of “ Bridge.”

As inosi people are awaiv, the great card game which has taken Society by storm is Bridge. Why this game should have attained the ext r.iordi nary vogue which it has is diffi-ulf to say. It may be briefly described to the uninitiated as an extieimly complicated variation of Whist, in which different values are given to the dif ferciil suits, and the possibilities of nuking. and. therefore, ol losing, money are about as gieat as they ci.iild well be. At ordirary Whist, i ven if played for high stakes, the pla vers are perfectly well aware how mm h it is possible for them to lose, in the worst event, over each rubber; not so with Illidge. The variations are so numerous and the regulation* are so arbitrary that even with comparatively low stakes it is possible and even easy, to lose a very large sum in one afternoon or evening. How. it will be asked, did this mania for Bridge arise? To begin with, it found the social soil ready prepared for a new gambling game. Baccarat had become rather antiquated, and the other ordinary gambling games had most of them the drawback of disagreeable stories and associations, and had not enough substance in them to interest people for long. Here was a game offered to Society which, while giving, as ha* been said, almost limitless opportunities of winning or losing, at the same time required a certain amount of intellectual effort; not nearly as much, of course, as is involved in a game of chess, but still demanding a certain minimum of mental alertness and judgment. It is difficult for anyone who has not actually seen the extent and ramifications of this evil to realise how tight a grip it has obtained over what may be called the vital force of Society—namely, the young woman, both married and unmarried. It has actually had its influence on the trade in second-hand jewellery, which has been abnormally active for some time past, for the simple reason that so many women have been forced to pawn or sell their ’ewellery in order to pay gambling ’This brings us to another very significant sign of the times. Not so very long ago a lady would make bets more than half in jest, and would pretend to gamble in the same spirit. I f she won, of course she was paid the gloves or the trinket- that had been staked; while if she lost she was allowed, and even encouraged, to

loiget all about it—the thing was not regarded seriously. But nowadays wc have changed all that. Girls hardly . ui of the schoolroom contract “debt* of honour,” and they know only too well that they can no more afford to ignore such obligations than their brothers could afford to ignore the engagements of the club card-room. It is bad enough that young women should lose their money, and even money which they have not got, to other women; but perhaps the worst hat are of Bridge is that they frequently lose to men,and this, it will be understood, poisons the relations between the sexes and undermines that chivalrous respect in which women must be held if society, in the true sense, is to be maintained. Hence conic these forced sales of jewellery, and unnumbered other duplicities and deceptions, all more or less discreditable, all tending to drag down the young Englishwoman of rank from that pedestal of honour and admira lion to which un : ersal agreement had raised her. Ihe young ma-Tied women, too, have been drawn in by the terrible fascinations of this game, and it is generally known in society that more than one man of note has had to sell part of his estates to pay his wife's debts at Bridge! The effect of this game is seen in the most varied directions. When some time ago Lord Salisbury publicly lamented the slackness of attendant ein the House of (’ominous on the part of the Ministerialist Party, instead of accounting for it by the charms of the dinnertable. he would probably have been nearer the truth if he had attributed it to the fascinations of this game, which appeal especially to the young man of the present day. who is too bored to think of dancing, and who is grateful for nothing but excitement.

The Overrated Honeymoon.

I'he honeymoon is looked forward to as a time of unalloyed bliss, and so. perhaps, it is in some cases. But by no means in all. Young’ people may be engaged for years, may have grown up from children together, and may imagine that every whim, fancy and taste are understood. But the honeymoon brings about a closer association. Before marriage each felt their independence, and asserted it without remark. After marriage there is a merging of personalities, and the vindication of one’s independence causes somewhat of a strain on either side. 'The honeymoon is a time of settlement. Even those who have felt before marriage that they were made for one another soon find that, to some extent, there must be a readjustment of relations. Tt is quite true, doubtless, that some postpone this settlement till the home-coming. The honeymoon is given over to travel, during which the newly-married couple are thrown so much into the company of others that the change of life is as yet unappreciated. But if a honeymoon is spent quietly the little troubles will have been got over, and the homecoming will be all the sweeter. 'l'he opinion of a gracious old lady who has lived a life of happiness is worth quoting: “I have never been happier in my married life than now, after thirty years of it. Marriage was a great excitement, and the honeymoon full of delight; but do not. dear young friends, think that the sum of your joy comes to you then. ‘ You have much to learn during your honeymoon. You have to learn t > know each other’s hearts, and to understand and to make allowances for every little whim. The honeymoon may not come tip to your ideals; it may even be a time of misunderstandings. such as lead to worry: but don't be dispirited. Don't judge the future by that. There are many days to come for love and forbearance and happiness that you canned now imagine, that you may never fully measure.” It was so in the writer’s case. The honeymoon had many little worries silly little worries and sometimes the future looked black. But it passed. ami quickly, too. We now make merry over the little shadows that then loomed so big.

Education and Law of Growth.

I ii a most thoughtful article, the first of a series, on the education of a child from eleven to eighteen, Edward Howard Griggs, in the “Ladies Home .Journal,” refers to the important fact, too often overlooked, that the precess of growth, both physical and mental, of the child is not uniform, and should tie allowed periods of rest. He says: — “Though each individual must express the great forces of life in unique form, still in the development oT i he human personality the muss of seemingly irregular movements falls into certain clearly marked periods. This is due largely to that subtle and far-i caching law of rhythm which, sj far as we know, holds of all life, and possibly of all movement. But whether or not the taw applies to motion in the inorganic world, certainly life is ruled by it. in the development of physical existence apparently the great types of life have been developed in comparatively Eiief periods; while following these, long ages have been required to establish the types. A forward leap, followed by a long epoch of quiescence, would seem to be the law of movement in the evolution of lifd. “It is this law which applies to the development of personality. In the r iss of seemingly irregular movements that characterise the growth c.f the individual spirit it is possible to trace the ebb and flow in the tides of life. Periods of forward movement and periods of quiescence are present here as in human history, in the development of organic life, and perhaps in the formation of the universe of stars. Viewed in a large way. childhood and maturitj represent the

two types —the one the age of rapid growth, the other the period of quiet establishing of the forces of life, with ordered expression. Yet each of these breaks up into numerous lesser units of one and the other type. Indeed in direct proportion to the vitality and possibility of continuous growth in the individual will such ebb and Hood tides be present. "Thus, such movements, instead of deserving our suspicion and efforts at suppression, should be welcomed and understood. That absolute regularity which is the ideal of the pendant is an indication of the choking of the forces of life; and the irregular movement to and fro, so disconcerting' to our plans and so thwarting to the success of our prearranged system of cm lire, is the highest and most welcome indication of that life which it is the purpose of education to call forth. b or instance, there seems to be in many children a clearly defined period of subsidence in mental giowth about the seventh or eighth year. This by no means appears clearly in all children, but so frequently as to be more than an individual variation. The child who has been going forward very rapidly suddenly becomes stupid, careless of study, and irresponsive to stimulus And what is the rtotilt? The fond parent who is vain of the child’s ability' and the teacher who is ambitious for results unite to crowd the child on. Stimulus is multiplied at home and at school. The parent informs the teacher that the child has done well and there is no reason why he cannot do better. The teacher's pride and ; : orgies are r. doubled to push the

child forward. In other words, everything possible is done to force the child across the period of retarded growth at the same rate of speed which was shown in the periods of rapid expansive forward movement. But now, suppose that this period of quiet incubation is nature’s provision for gathering slowly together the energies of life for the great forward leap in the period of transition from childhood to youth; what have we done? Crowded sail, only to crack the mainmast and strain the ship; forced the steam until the engine of life has been perhaps permanently disabled. How many overnervous and morbid children drifting in a sickly way through the period of transition, unable to respond to the appeal of that epoch of life and come forth into bounding manhood and womanhood, are sad memorials to the successful gratification of the vanity of parent and teacher. Suppose (terrible thought!) that the child should even drop out of school for a time, and revert to mud pies and sand houses, forgetting his arithmetic and letting his soul sleep in a calm physical life like an unawakened seed in the soil —what then? This, that a month of such a child’s time later may be worth a year of the overstrained child’s; that acquirements in arithmetic. and grammar, and geography, are poor tests of the worth of life. Too often when the child who has been allowed to sleep his two years, if necessary, strides ahead of his neighbour who has never missed a school day—nor even an evening’s study at home—we regard it as unusual talent. We never stop to think how much of genius is simply health! And how genius might be multiplied if we let nature take us into her confidence and followed the open secret that broods over the spring flowers.

The Art of Saving Money

Dora May Morrell writes on this subject in the “Household” as follows:—

The respect which men pay to the money-saver is a tribute to power, for only in the power that money brings has it anything of value. There is nothing lovable developed in one by money-saving, per se. Nor is it anywhere inculcated as a Christian characteristic; and unless one saves with some other object than merely amassing wealth, his soul shrinks as his purse swells. Who does not know that the spendthrixx is more worthy of imitation than the miser? The improvidence of rhe one benefits every one with whom he is associated and harms himself alone, while the parsimony of the other narrows his heart ana hardens it toward the suffering. He lives wholly for self, in the most belittling way. But though the acquisition of dollars as an aim brings nothing of spiritual growth to the lover of money, while the needs of life make the possession of money a necessity, to live wholly in the day is wrong. While one need take no thought for the morrow in one sense, he must in another. No man or woman has a right to tax another to make up for foolish waste in time of prosperity. While one need not and should not make saving the rule of conduct, so that one denies himself a present necessary good to provide against a future evil which may never come, he is simply a weak, selfindulgent character who does not store something of his harvest while he has it. The only way for one to save who has not the money-loving instinct innate, is to put aside a part of all money received as soon as it is in hand, and let it be as if it were not.

Money grows very fast, if it has a chance, and it is a great comfort to the wage-earner who stands alone to feel that there is something laid by for an evil day, should it come. One girl divides her income into three parts; Living expenses, as room, board, laundry, etc., take onethird; another third covers dress and other expenses; while the last third goes into the bank. She says this makes the solution of the question of providing for the future very simple. She never draws from one account to the other. Her friend divides her income differently: onefifth for room, one-fifth for board, one-fifth spend, one-fifth dress, onefifth save, and she likes her division. The proportion must be according to the income, but something it should he. and the soul won’t lose by the self-sacrifice involved in laying away the dollars that present ease craves. The naturally thriftless individual gains moral stamina through the effort of saving money, and is better for it.

Don’t Talk to the Babv

The “first babies” are probably the ones most apt to suffer from too much attention, especially the talking and amusing process. Not only does the so-called “spoiling" follow such a system of training, but it really injures the babv brain. “Don’t talk to the baby” is sensible advice, and it should be more carefully followed. “What, not talk to my baby!" exclaimed a young mother who sat holding her 3-month-old baby, and chattering to it with the fond foolishness of which young mothers are capable.

“No, my dear, don’t talk to him so much; not nearly so much,” replied the older woman. “Dear as he is, you must not forget how delicate in every '"’ay a tiny baby is.” The young mother was sobered, but not convinced. “How can it possibly hurt him?” she asked. “He cannot understand me. ami 1 do so love to set* him smile and answer my talk with his happy look.” “Which proves that he does understand, and, in his baby way, replies to your loving talk; and it is that which is the strain. You take care to feed the baby with the greatest exactness and to keep him clothed daintily ami comfortably, and that is right. His brain, however, is just as weak ami undeveloped as is his body. What this small mind needs is rest, and when you talk to him the tax on his mentality is beyond his strength. A young baby cannot be kept too much like an animal. Let him sleep and eat, and eat and sleep again, keeping him in cool well-ven-v.Jated rooms, and not too much in strong light, either in sun or artificial light. He advised, and let your baby alone, him grow naturally, and not ty any forcing pro-

Sensible advice, surely, anil there is still another point to consider in this, connection, even if the baby's brain should not be permanently injured by the constant forcing anil “showing-off" process often indulged in. the health is apt to suffer. The baby that is sensibly kept quiet is usually the contented, easily amused baby, while the one that is forced and amused and chattered to from early infancy soon develops into an irritable, peevish, highly strung organism demanding constant attention.