CONCERNING LITTLE TEMPERS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXIII, Issue XIX, 4 November 1899, Page 812

CONCERNING LITTLE TEMPERS.

W e call them “ little ” tempers, but without much reason, for they do big mischief, most of the tn me And it is so very, very easy to fall into the habit of indulging one’s self in these little tempers and tantrums, and so almost impossible to break oneself of the habit afterwards. It is the newly-married Edwin and Angelina whom 1 have again more particularly in my mind this week, for 1 have seen so many young- people drift apart, of late years, simply and solely because one or other of them would give way to these small irritabilities and attacks of crossness, and because there seemed to be no one at hand to point out to them how utterly and entirely foolish they both were. And when I say “drift apart,” I do not mean for a moment that they have drifted into the misery and disgrace of the divorce court. Nor do I mean even that they have said to each other, “ Very well, then, as we can’t agree, you had better go your way, and I will go mine.” Things do not often come to that pitch, between ordinarily well-brought-up and well-meaning young married people, but I know that many of my readers will understand what I mean when I urge them to be more careful how they quarrel. I would beg of them, earnestly, to think many times before they run a risk of widening that “little rift within the lute,” about which, no doubt, Angelina has often sung to Edwin, in the happy days of courting, without, imagining for one moment, that the “slowly widening ” could ever have any possible application to her own case.

It is the very slowness of the widening that makes it so difficult to perceive the breach, and, therefore, would 1 again urge upon the young wives among my readers to be careful how they allow these “ differences ” to begin. As I said some few weeks since, men require to be managed very carefully, and the happiest women are undoubtedly those who lead their husbands gently in the way that they should go, without any suspicion crossing the minds of the said husbands to the effect that they are being led. A wife who is anxious to get her own way, and who is persuaded that it is the right way, must never open proceedings with a frown and a pout. Should Edwin come home tired and disagreeable the best plan is for you to ignore the fact altogether. Wear your sunniest smile and your prettiest gown when you find your other (I will not say better) half disposed to be grumpy. Tell him of anything amusing that may have happened during the day, and beyond and above all things, do not bore him to death with long and weary anecdotes as to the bad behaviour of the servants. It cannot be a matter of vital interest to him that Jane cleaned the doorstep so disgracefully that it looked as though no hearth-stone had been near it for a week. Nor can you expect him to feel wildly excited when you graphically relate to him all the suspicions you have felt as to what the cook can possibly have done with that last shilling’s worth of new-laid eggs.

If you pour forth such trivial woes as these, night after night, at dinner and afterwards, into Edwin’s ear, can you wonder that he gets bored, and that he snubs you, perhaps, with a weary, “ Oh, yes, my dear ; but surely you told me all that yesterday?” Then you are offended and hurt ; you sulk a little, perhaps. Edwin gets really angry, lights his cigar, slams the halldoor, and goes off to finish the evening at his club. Out of such silly little tempers as these, serious quarrels have often grown, and therefore would I most earnestly beg the young wives among tmy readers to avoid most carefully these small bickerings, and trivial offences and differences of opinion. Much must depend on temperament, of course, for some women are lucky enough to be born with a bright and sunny disposition, and a temper of smiling good humour, which even the Grossest and most disagreeable man cannot ruffle or disturb, but these are, unfortunately, few and far between.

'lie man who is naturally goodtempered and patient, 1 have yet to meet, though sueh a creature may perhaps exist somewhere. That there are men who have trained themselves to appear good tempered, lam willing to admit, but in many cases it is the wife who has to exert all the patience, and the husband who provokes her and begins the little quarrels which often end so disastrously. The moral that 1 mm most anxious to press upon Angelina, however, is not influenced in any great degree by the admitted evil temper of man, or by the fact that it may have been Edwin who began the quarrel. If matters not wno began it, so long as it is not allowed to go on. het Angelina even go so far as to admit that she was entirely in the wrong, even though she may make to herself a mental reservation to the effect that she was right. At the same time, if you are anxious that any real happiness should fall to your share in your married life, dear Angelina, you must stop the quarrel at all costs, and at once, and refrain from ever alluding again to the argument that caused it, either in the way of triumph or resignation. Leave well alone, and change the subject if you value your future peace of mind. Remember that little tempers sometimes lead to very serious quarrels, and agree quietly to differ with Edwin, while you allow him to think that he has got the better of the argument. Such an ostensible defeat as this is more valuable to Angelina ; could she only be brought to realise the fact that any triumph gained by nagging, and that senseless determination to have the last word, which is supposed to be so essentially feminine a failing. T say “ supposed to be,” with all due deference to masculine opinion, although T have known cases where Edwin would simplv do anything in the world sooner than allow Angelina to enjoy that delightful pri-

vilege.

THE MATER.