A MACHINE TO WASH BABY.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXII, Issue XIV, 8 April 1899, Page 463

A MACHINE TO WASH BABY.

A ‘baby washer’ is the very latest appliance for reducing the cares of mothers and making the lusty-lunged youngsters take a more cheerful view of life. England is said to be responsible for the invention, but if the machine does one-half what is claimed for it the Mother Country will not long be allowed to enjoy alone the benefits accruing from the use of the device. When a child gets so soiled that his appearance suggests a worker in a coal mine, the man behind the wheels in a railway engine, or a tram-car conductor on a Saturday night, then is the time to put this delightful scheme into instant operation. First take the boy and place him near the machine. Probably he will shy at it, for the device is not of an appearance calculated to make the infant lose itself in an ocean of delight by merely cursorily inspecting it. But never mind the marked disapproval of the youngster. There is an orifice through which the body of the washee is to be inserted by the person who superintends the washing. This orifice can be regulated as to size by simply turning a cogwheel. The hole can be made larger or smaller, and can thus accommodate the baby that took the prize at the size show as well as the child that looks of normal proportions only by aid of a microscope.

Through this orifice, then. Master Baby is inserted. A highly polished plane is the first thing that claims the attention of the boy. Down it he slides to what must seem to his infantile mind an exceptional length. At the bottom he is confronted by an inviting rubber tube, placed in such a position as to immediately meet the lips of the young visitor. The slight pressure in the art of which every baby that ever breathed is a past master is sufficient to draw out a carefully prepared quantity of the most healthful milk. After wearying of this form of sustenance the babytakes a glance round the compartment ami finds that he has entered a plate glass mirrored house, the like of which has never before appeared to him. An automaton monkey sits near by" and thrusts into the baby’s hands a combination nail cutter, tooth cutter, and rattle. An electric appliance furnishes music popularly supposed to reduce youngsters to a condition of sweet repose.

When the purpose of the music has been achieved, the baby sleeps, ami is then turned into the third compartment, where the actual washing is undertaken. The nails are nicely trimmed, the hair brushed, and when baby awakens from his nap he is a sight for gods and men, and a fit ornament to any society. The name of the inventor of this delightful system has not been revealed to the public, ami there are certain of the sceptical who ridicule the idea of the plan being practicable. This view the friends of the invention claim, is merely the expression of the jealous, and not to be seriously considered by anyone in real need of a patent ‘baby washer.’