MOTHERS' COLUMN.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XVIII, Issue XII, 20 March 1897, Page 366

MOTHERS' COLUMN.

DO CHILDREN LOVE THE FATHER OR MOTHER BERT. Is it general that mothers have preferences for children ? That is, is it so, for example, that parents generally love better children of the opposite sex ? So many mothers seem to have their hearts bound up tn their sons more than in their daughters, while the fathers, on the other hand, seem to be more proud and loving of their daughters than of their sons. So far as my observation goes there is no general rule of preference The tie between fathers and daughters is often a very strong one, as is also the tie between mothers and sons. It is very natural that it should be so ; all that in her husband won her admiration especially attracts a woman in her sons. She feels strong in their strength ; her pride in their manliness, their success in the great struggle for place and power, is a different pride from that which her daughters inspire. Yet the love she feels for her daughters is not less because it is different. I think the element of anxiety enters more largely into the feelings of a father for his sons and into those of a mother for her daughters, and in each case lessens a little the restfulness of love. The greater feeling of responsibility in the father for his sons and in the mother for her daughters sometimes leads, perhaps, to a critical attitude which stands in the way of perfect comfort in companionship. It should not be so, and there are thousands of instances where sympathy is as unhindered between a son and his father as between the son and his mother. The bond between parent and child is a mysterious one—broken sometimes by a word, yet sometimes strong enough to hold against terrible brutality and neglect. What was it lodged in ‘ David Crockett’s ’ heart that drew the boy back, over hundreds of weary miles through the wilderness, to a home revolting in its degradation from which he had been sent at twelve years of age by a cruel father to endure hardships unfit even for a strong man ? Strange filial love. We cannot put love on the dissecting table or in the crucible—when we try to analyse it we destroy it. We fail to see it when it is really there, and judge it feeble when it is .eally deep and strong. The father may respond to some need in the child which the mother cannot understand, and the converse is equally true. One child shows his love by constantly demonstrating it, another keeps it welling in his heart till some unusual event breaks down the reserve and the torrent is outpoured. One child without spoken acceptance heeds the wish of the parent and is unrecognized in his fidelity. Another vibrates between devotion and disregard, always winning free forgiveness for his many falls by his ardent expressions of penitauce and love. Each child is a distinct creation, no two in a family are alike. One, Quaker-like, is silent ; another, like the Methodist, is voluble ; one is ready with his own words of affection, like the non-Ritualist ; another can only express himself in borrowed wordsand set phrases. And sometimes the mother answers best to one nature and sometimes it is the father. If this were always understood there would be less jealousy and heart burning in the family. Children would not feel they were misunderstood and parents would realize that neither one can be everything to the child.