'SOCIALLY SPEAKING.'

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XV, Issue XX, 16 November 1895, Page 613

'SOCIALLY SPEAKING.'

What is most galling is that, whenever there is what is called a “ Society " scandal, it is described in inordinate and unjust proportions. Human beings are much the same, high or low, and how many butchers ana bakers and candlestick makers are in volved in scandals which are never chronicled, purely on account of their insignificance- socially speaking!' Lady Dorothy Nevii.l. My worthy butcherman, reform, And serve me not with bone and gristle, And raise a pretty social storm If ever your boy dares to whistle ! Then you will gain ‘ significance,’ For which you yearn, and whenyou’re slandered. Or when your wife leads you a dance, 'Twill be reported in The Standard. Oh I worthy baker, mind your weight, And do not bake bone-dust and alum ! But come and live in Prince’s Gate, And sell your little house in Balham ; There comes for you at last a hope Above a prize for cakes and jelly. For, if your daughter should elope, It will be noticed in The Tele! Good mat,, who works in delft or brass, Your worth is hardly worth the candle ! Reform, and join the upper class, And purchase for your name a handle ! Give up your shop anil go the pace, Buy horses other than for carmen, And, if you pull one in a race, You will be honoured by ‘ The Star men.’ Good mau of scissors and of tape, Who cuts my bags and fits my jacket, There is at least for you escape From Social silence if you lack it ! Give up your trade and seek a lord, And play whatever kind of game’s his ; Proclaim he cheats, and your reward Will be a note in The St. James's. Oh ! wealthy farmer, who would rise, Like Burns, above your golden wheat-stead, Do not by rhyming prove you’re wise, Nor yet by virtue, like discreet Stead ; But buy a good long pedigree, And send a collie to the Kaiser, Then, if you’re charged with bigamy. They 11 give you columns iu The 'Tizer ! Good madame, if you have desires To go to court and be a lady, And wish to seek, by cleansing fires, Redemption from a past that’s shady : The dullest people entertain, And talk of nothing not canonical, Then, if you are divorced again, Be sure of head-lines in The Chronicle ! And you, my worthy working-man, Who’ve raised yourself above suspicion, If you would raise your daughter Anne, And get her social recognition, Just let her seek dramatic ways, And in a pair of silk tights deck her, And on her breach of promise days You’ll read her virtues in The. Ecker. Meanwhile, your betters, gentlemen And ladies, both by worth and station, Will hope to be passed over when You’ve reached your goal of publication ; ‘ Society ’ will hope for peace In which to sin and cut its capers, But trusts the scribes will never cease To flaunt your vices in the papers !

Le Passant.