HOW TO TALK TO MEN.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XIV, Issue VI, 9 February 1895, Page 137

HOW TO TALK TO MEN.

A socially successful woman advises certain conversational METHODS AS SAFE TO PLEASE THE OPPOSITE SEX. There is a Turkish legend that gives a good index to this part of social ethics. A mendicant was dying. He called his son to his bedside and said, *My boy, you must go through life trusting to yourself now. I can leave you no money but much wisdom and this mirror. Carry it always with the back to your own face ; presenting the mirrored surface to the world.’ Years passed on and the boy mendicant became a rich merchant. Gold had poured into his coffers as he walked through the world, his shining shield reflecting all he met. Contentment came with these riches, then curiosity. Why, he thought, am Iso loved? What do I that men should call me fair and agreeable? What occult magnetism do I possess to so easily comnel this flow of riches ? And be turned the mirror for the first time toward his own face. He was charmed. It gave back his features beautified and glorified. He saw himself in its shimmering surface a creature fair to behold, agreeable to be with—a laughing, enchanting picture! Lost in rapture and love for himself he paused in his way thereafter gazing into the exquisite depths of his father's gift. Gold there was none left. People passed him by unsmiling. He wondered, when not absorbed with self, why this condition was and he died, poor and forgotten. The legend is to society as the laws of the Pundit to the Brahmins. It explains all. Go through life reflecting people, not as they are, but as they wish to be, and the good things of the world are yours. Why present to any man an ugly image of himself when his faults can be ignored and bis virtues pleasingly presented without seeming ostentation or flattery ? Some veritist may exclaim that such an attitude is not a fair one—but not prove his theory.

THERE NEED BE NO ‘TOADYING,’ NO CRINGING, no * playing for favours,’ but the brighter side of each man’s life suggested to him by conversation. Another claim to remembrance is this. Said a society

woman known for her tact, and quantity of friends, whom I queried as to her social tactics, * I have a plan—possibly not original but certainly successful—of ignoring the especially pleasant thing a man necessarily knows about himself. Each one has a particular accomplishment that this world invariably ** tacks ” to his name. He is pleased, of course, to possess this one accomplishment, but rest assured he secretly wonders if it can be the sum total of bis attraction. So I try to discover some other quality. I find if he has the virtue of dressing well—then

I ALSO DISCOVER SOME IMMENSELY CLEVER REMARK OF HIS. I make a point of mentioning it to him. * If on the other hand he is clever, then I particularly admire a certain suit of clothes, or the fashion in his ties. If he dances well, then I find that he has made some good business deals. Be perfectly sure he will think you vastly more appreciative than any other woman, and the undefined gratitude he feels at the bright side of himself yon have reflected back, brings you many a delightful attention.’ And she concluded, * this is not hypocrisy in me, nor silly vanity in him. I love to be treated after that manner myself, and my gratitude is equal to the man's.’ A THIRD POINT IS TO REMEMBER, if possible, what a man talked most interestingly or earnestly to you about the last time you met. It shows interest in a most subtle way. Naturally this is no easy task, if the lapses between visits are long and you meet a goodly number of men. But if it is possible to remember the result will prove its wisdom. *As you once said ’ has a penetrating charm for the listener, be it man or woman. It is useless to deny that for human nature the first person singular is the most agreeable conjugation in grammar. And this brings up a final bit of advice which is one of the well-known arts of conversation—paradoxical as it may seem—be a patient sympathetic listener. For it is essentially true that he who proves you a clever talker by his attention, will impress you more with his cleverness than had he talked.

Adele McAllister.