TRY TO SMILE.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 20, 14 May 1892, Page 510

TRY TO SMILE.

Proprietor of Store (severely to employ^): •No drinking allowed in this place.’ : ‘ Faix, and oim not afther drinkin' aloud. It’s a quiet little drink oim afther bavin, all by myself, sor.’ Rector’s Wife: • You otaght to avoid even the appearance of evil. Do you, yourself, think the girls who dance are right?’ Belle of the Parish : • They must be. I know girls who don’t are always left.’ Tommy : •Mr Wilkinson, ain’t you shaped just like other men V Mr Wilkinson : ‘ I suppose so, Tommy, why F Tommy: ‘ Papa says you ain’t exactly square, and Belle says you seem to be always round.’ A Texas clergyman, who was a reformed gambler, was absorbed in thought one Sunday morning just before divine service began, when be was approached by the organist, who asked, referring to the opening hymn : ‘ What shall I play? ‘What kind of a hand have you gotf responded the absent-minded clergyman. Penelope: ‘ How do you know that he loves you T He has said nothing as yet’ Perdita : • Because all the other boys take especial pains to come around and tell me that he is a fool.’

Melancholy Stranger: ‘ You are sure this poison will kill a man !’ Druggist: ‘ Yes, sir, I can guarantee it By the way, if you are going to commit suicide, 1 wish you’d put one of our circulars in your pocket It’ll be a big •‘ ad ” for us when your body is found.’ First Cannibal (who has found a piece of rubber hose): •We are in luck; just look at this sausage; we will have a lunch.’ Second Cannibal (after chewing it ten minutes): ‘ What kind of sausage do you suppose this is F First Cannibal: ‘ Missionary.’ Man is a good deal like a fish. You know the fish would never get into very serious trouble if it kept its mouth shut.

‘lf there is one time more than another,’ says an experienced married man, ‘when a woman shonld be left alone, it is when a line of clothes comes down in the mud.’ Old Lady (excitedly) s ‘ When is the train to Wellington duel’ Ticket Agent: ‘ln two hours and forty minutea’ Old Lady (with a sigh of relief): ‘ I am so glad I am not too late I’