BROAD GRINS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 19, 7 May 1892, Page 486

BROAD GRINS.

* Women's rights I* exclaimed a man when the subject was broached. • What more do they want ? My wife bosses me ; our daughters boss us both, and the servant girl bosses the whole family. It’s time the men were allowed some right.’

Grandma (to little May, aged 5, the household terror): * Don’t you know that poor mamma is very delicate, and that when yon are so very, very naughty it makes her very much worse ? Mamma can’t stand it any longer. Yon will kill her. Now what shall we do f May (sitting on small stool in front of grandma, while mamma is weeping on sofa): * Well, I don’t know ; but if she’d get another doctor perhaps she could stand it better.’

Said Paddleford to his wife on the way back from the museum, * I’m firmly convinced that women have an innate, natural, constitutional love of the horrible.’ • Good thing for you !’ she retorted, •or you might have been a bachelor to your dying day.’ • Never would call a boy of mine “ Alias,” ’ said Mrs Jones, Huntsville. Ala., ‘if I had a hundred to name. Men by that name is alius cuttin’ np capers. Here’s Alias Thompson, Alias Williams, Alias the Night-hawk, all been took up for stealing.* To admire a man because he’s well-dressed Is folly, if not something worse; It isn’t the coat that makes the man. But the money he has in his purse. She : You never hear of women cashiers embezzling or running off with their employers’ money. He : Not often ; but when it does happen they take the employer, too. “ J Gentleman (rushing into chemist’s shop apparently in a great hurry): ‘I wan’t something to cure a bad headache.’ (Chemist rushes round the counter and shoves a bottle under the gentleman’s nose, the pungency of which nearly chokes him.) Gentleman : ‘ Yon drivelling idiot 1 You maniac ! You jackass I It’s my wife that’s got the headache.’ It is only the female mosquito that bites people and animals., and draws blood. The male mosquito is a vegetarian, and is never blood-thirsty. Do not call to mind the day which has passed from you; do not lament for the unborn to-morrow; do not build on the coming and the passed away ; take the present hou~, and do not cast your life to the wind. Advice is like counterfeit money. Most people are ready enough to part with it, but none bare to take it.