MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 18, 30 April 1892, Page 462

MISCELLANEOUS.

He stood under the window and sang, * How Can I Leave Thee F But he did leave, and so suddenly that the dog went back to the house and wept. Sappy : * I think I shall—aw—nevah have to struggle for gweatness. Aw, I was born gweat, doncher know.* Crusty : * Great Scott 1 how you must have shrunk.* Sourfaced Woman : * You get right ont of here or I’ll call my husband.* 'tramp; *Y*r husband ain’t at home.* Sourfaced Woman : * How do you know he ain’t F Tramp : * I’ve alters noticed, mum, that when a man is married to a woman wot looks like you, he never is at home except at meal times.’

Voice (at the telephone): * Major, will you please bring your family and take supper with us next Sunday F Servant Girl (replies back through the telephone): * Master and mistress are not in at present, but they can’t come to supper, as it’s my Sunday out.' A sad-looking man went into a chemist’s. * Can yon give me,* he asked, * something that will drive from my mind the thought of sorrow and bitter recollection F and the druggist nodded and put him up a dose of quinine and wormwood, and rhubarb, and Epsom salts, and a dash of castor oil, and gave it to him; and for six months the man could not think of anything in the world except new schemes tor getting the taste out of his mouth. Mary had a parrot tame, (She killed it in her rage) Because when Mary’s fellow came The parrot told her age.

‘Yes, sir,’ “every heart knoweth its own bitterness.” There is G. who has just passed us, did yon notice his melancholy look!’ ‘1 did. Has he some great grief!* *He has. He bought on the instalment plan a handsome E resent for the lady to whom he was engaged. She jilted im a week ago, and he has still two instalments to pay on the present. If that isn’t a great grief, I don’t know what is!’

Dean Jackson, passing one morning through Christ Church quadrangle, met some undergraduates, who walked along without capping. The Dean called one of them, and asked, *Do you know who I am!* ‘No, sir.’ * How long have you been in collegeF ‘Eight days, sir.’ ‘Oh, very well,’ said the Dean, walking away, 'puppie* don’t open their eyes till the nthfA day.* On one occasion when John Kemble played * Hamlet * in the country, the gentleman who acted Guildenstem was or imagined himself to be a capital musician. Hamlet asked him, • Will you play upon this pipe !’. ‘My lord, I cannot.’ *I do Deseech you.* 4 Well, if your lordship insists upon it I will do as well as I can.’ And to the confusion of Hamlet, and the great amazement of the audience, he played, ‘ God Save the King.’