MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 17, 23 April 1892, Page 433

MISCELLANEOUS.

Maud : ‘ Ob, I’m invited to Fizzleby’s ball, but I don’t know what in the world to wear. What would you wear if you had my complexion ?’ Millicent: ‘ A thick veil.’ Old Lady : ‘ I’m sorry to hear a little boy use such shocking language. Do you know what becomes of little boys who swear?’ Urchin: ‘ Yes’m ; they gets ter be ’bus drivers.’

Lives of rich men oft remind us We can make our lives like theirs, And departing leave behind us Lawsuii s to engage our heirs.

‘ Your daughter is engaged, I believe,’said a gentleman to a coloured lady in a neighbouring town a few days ago. ‘ She am, i’s sorry to say,’ was the reply. ‘ Don’t you approve of her choice ?’ ‘No ; lie don’t amount to nuffin. He puts me in mind of the food that John the Baptist ate in the wilderness.’ ‘How’s that?’ ‘Low cuss an' wild, honey.’

Mrs Prentice : ‘ How do you always manage to have such delicious beef ?’ Mrsßywell: ‘ I selecta good honest butcher, and then stand by him.’ Mrs Prentiee : ‘ You mean that you give him all your trade ?’ Mrs By well : ‘No ; I mean I stand by him while he is cutting oft the meat.’ The American had just told the Englishman a joke. The latter did not laugh. ‘ I suppose,’ said the American, sarcastically, ‘that you will see the point of that joke about the day atter to morrow, and laugh then.’ ‘My dear boy,’ drawled the Englishman. ‘ I saw the point of that joke and laughed at it four years ago when I was in India.’ ‘ You didn’t bring your wife with you, Mr Jones,’ said the small boy of the house, addressing the visitor. ‘ No, my boy ; would you like to see her?’ • Yes. Leastways, I would like to see her thumb.’ ‘ See her thumb ? What do you want to see her thumb for?’ ‘ Well, ma says your wife keeps you under her thumb, and I’d like to see it, for it must be a pretty big one.’ ‘ Are your eggs fresh ?’ asked the lady, and the conscientious market-man told her : ‘ They’re a little oft' for bilin’, mum, but they makes as fine an omelette as ever you sunk a tooth in.’

A Scotch gentleman of fortune on his deathbed asked the minister whether, if he left a large sum to the kirk, his salvation would be secured. The cautious minister responded : ‘ I would not like to be positive, but it’s weel worth trying. >