A MODEST REQUEST.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 17, 23 April 1892, Page 429

A MODEST REQUEST.

He was standing on a barrel with a rope around his •: ck and over the limb of a tree. A wild crowd had hold of the loose end and the leader was about to kick the barrel.

The victim held up his hand for attention and they extended the courtesy. ‘ May I prefer a last request ?’ he said with singular suavity, considering the circumstances.

• What is it!’ inquired the floor manager, gruffly. ‘ Let’s have it.’

‘ I want to say to you, gentlemen,’ he continued, with a nod of thanks, ‘ that I do not enter a protest against your actions at this time. ( Applause.) Having lived in your midst, as it were, and associated with you for some six months past, I am ready and willing—nay, anxious to die. (Chorus of disapproving yells and a voice, ‘ Kick the battel from under him !’) That’s right gentlemen, you always were a lot of kickers, but wait till I get through speaking,’ he said, when quiet was restored. ‘ Let him finish his speech and we’ll finish him,’ said the leader, soothing the crowd. ‘Thanks,’ continued the speaker. ‘As I was saying, I am willing to die, but I don’t want to do it in this infernal old fogy way. A quarter of a century ago they used just such appliances as these are, and are you willing, gentlemen of this grand old commonwealth, to remain un progressive ?’

’ Do you want a wire rope and a painted barrel 1’ howled the crowd.

‘ No, gentlemen,’ he went on, ‘I do not. If you are really bent on putting me out of the world all I ask is that you ship me to New York, where the chariot of progress is not dragged along on sled runners, and let me be electrocuted in the most approved and mod—’ At this point somebody kicked the barrel and the old-fogy appliances did the rest.