DONE BY A DUDE.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 5, 30 January 1892, Page 104

DONE BY A DUDE.

At the foot of the street a policeman found a young man sitting on a barrel with both eyes dosed up, his nose knocked out of shape, and a mouth full of loose teeth. It was all over before he got there, but some of the crowd still lingered, and a boy undertook to explain matters. • We was all a-sitting here,’ he began, * when that feller there, whose name is Jim, and who is bad, got hungry to fight some one. He got so hungry that he almost cried.’ • Wanted to fight, aid he ?’ queried the officer. • Yes, the awfullest way. He cheeked about six men, but they wouldn’t stop. He actually wept because two great big stevedores wouldn't pitch into him and let him throw himself. By and bye a dude of a chap came along. He was little and he was pretty, and you orter have seen his bewtiful pants ! He was a-looking for the ferry boat, you know.’ • Yes. What happened ?’ • Why, Jim begins to smile as soon as he sees the little dude, and we who know Jim knows that something was up. Chappie comes up, rests one of his wee little patent-leathers on that there box and says : “ Fellahs, I’m a-lookin’ for the ferry boat, ye knaw.’’ With that Jim jumps up and wants to know who dares call him a fellah. ’

• Wanted to pick a fuss, I suppose ?’ observed the officer. •He did. He wanted to provoke a mortal combat. He intended to break that little dude right in two and use the pieces for fish bait. The little chappie looks at Jim in a weary way, puts up an eyeglass and says : “ Aw, me dealt fellah, it’s custom, ye knaw, and I hope ye won’t take on offense, ye see." He looked mighty frightened, and that encouraged Jim, and Jim begins to cuss and blow.’ • Still anxious, eh ?’

‘ The anxiousest kind of anxious. He feels that he has got to tackle somebody or have a long fit of sickness. And all of a sudden he spit tobacco-j nice on the little one’s shiny shoe. Maybe he expects the dude to run away, but he didn’t. He stands right there and looks Jim all over, and smiles and says : “ Me deah fellah, will you kindly take your pocket-handkerchief and remove the saliva?” ’ • But Jim didn’t ?’

‘Of course not. Jim looks all around to see if there is a bobby in sight, and then reaches out and tries to poke his finger into the little one’s eye. He doesn’t get there, however. Chappie jumps back and says : ‘ “ Weally, me deah boy, I cawn’t put up with such familiarity, doncher knaw—cawn’t possibly do it. If you go to frolic with me I shall be obliged to hurt ye, doncher see.’ ‘ And then Jim sailed into him ?’

‘ Yes ; Jim spit on his hands and sailed in to wreck chappie’s future, but sumthin’ happened. The little fellerdrops his cane, puts up his fists and in one blessed minit Jim was a licked man. He skips around him, and climbs over him, and fights two-handed, and by and bye he swings for the jaw and Jim goes over that box and falls asleep like a summer evening, and it wasn’t two minits ago that he opened his eyes.’ ‘ And the dude ?’

-He stops a moment to pick up his cane and shake a wrinkle out of his pants, and then goes off saying : * “ Sorry to do it, ye know, but I had to. Wanted to poke me in the eye, doncher see, and I nevah allow it—nevah ! Fellahs, aurevoir !’”