MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 43, 24 October 1891, Page 524

MISCELLANEOUS.

‘What became of that Samuels girl that Potterby was flirting with last summer’’ ‘You mean the girl that Potterby thought he was flirting with ? She married him.’ Winter visitor : ‘ I should love dearly to go sailing, but it looks very dangerous. Do not people often get drowned in this bay!’ Waterman: ‘ No, indeed, mum. The sharks never lets anybody drown.’ Positively Murderous. —Van Holstein Junr. : ‘Aw—what would you do, father, if I gave up my gay life, don’t you know, and came to settle down quietly at home ’’ Van Holstein Senr. : ‘Well I should feel strongly inclined to kill a calf.’ Proud Parent: ‘ How’s that for a baby ?’ Old Bachelor (who is a great dog fancier) : ‘ Well, my experience with, babies is limited ; but I think this one might possibly be worth bringing up.’ Then suddenly struck with an idea, be put the question ‘ Why not try ?’ Edith : ‘ You can’t imagine how Mr Bullfinch complimented your singing.’ Ethel: ‘ Did he, though ?’ Edith : ‘Yes, he said ’twas heavenly. ’ Ethel: ‘Really’’ Edith: ‘Well, just the same thing! he said ’twas simply unearthly.’ Mr M’Brusher: ‘Oh ! Miss Belle, I’m so disappointed, those academy people have not yet “ hung me ” this year !’’ Miss Belle (sarcastically thinking of the horrible daubs in Mr M’Brusher’s studio) : ‘ Never mind, Mr M’Brusher ; I’ve no doubt they’d like to.’ Lady Customer : ‘You have the impertinence to recommend this margarine to me as best fresh butter ?’ Butterman : ‘ Well, ma’am, the gentleman from whose factory it comes is surely more to be relied on to turn out a good, article than a poor unreasoning cow !’ A bride complained to her husband that she had been. ‘ too busy to get off her feet at once.’ And that unhappy man, who had already discovered several surprising makeups in her tout ensemble, exclaimed in amazement, ‘Great Jerusalem crickets ! do they come oft' too ’’ As the late Professor Hamilton was one day walking near Aberdeen, he met a well-known individual of weak intellect named Jemmy. ‘ Pray,’ said the Professor, ‘ how long can. a person live without brains ?’ ‘ I dirna ken,’ said Jemmy, scratching his head ; ‘ how old are ye yoursel’ ?’ A Yankee went one day to hear a great gun of the English Church in London at Easter-tide. The text was, ‘And. the lion shall lie down with the lamb.’ The Yankee being asked what he thought of the sermon, said, ‘ Very good, but I guess the lamb will lie inside the lion.’ Enthusiastic but short-sighted lady artist (to old labourer):. •My good man, what are those beautiful waving objects near those trees, rivalling the latter themselves in grace and beauty of outline, making such a beautiful variety in. the landscape, and seeming to hang ‘ twixt earth and heaven?’ Old labourer (gruffly) : ‘My shirts.’ Master Tommy went into the room where his sister wasentertaining her beau. ‘ Oh, you’ve found it again, haven’t you, Mr Simth ?’ he said. ‘ Found what, Tommy ?’ asked Mr Smith, blandly. ‘ Your head , sister said you lost your head last night when you popped to her.’ Awful silence, followed by Master Tommy’s retreat from the room.