MISCELLANEOUS.
‘What became of that Samuels girl that Potterby was flirting with last summer’’ ‘You mean the girl that Potterby thought he was flirting with ? She married him.’ Winter visitor : ‘ I should love dearly to go sailing, but it looks very dangerous. Do not people often get drowned in this bay!’ Waterman: ‘ No, indeed, mum. The sharks never lets anybody drown.’ Positively Murderous. —Van Holstein Junr. : ‘Aw—what would you do, father, if I gave up my gay life, don’t you know, and came to settle down quietly at home ’’ Van Holstein Senr. : ‘Well I should feel strongly inclined to kill a calf.’ Proud Parent: ‘ How’s that for a baby ?’ Old Bachelor (who is a great dog fancier) : ‘ Well, my experience with, babies is limited ; but I think this one might possibly be worth bringing up.’ Then suddenly struck with an idea, be put the question ‘ Why not try ?’ Edith : ‘ You can’t imagine how Mr Bullfinch complimented your singing.’ Ethel: ‘ Did he, though ?’ Edith : ‘Yes, he said ’twas heavenly. ’ Ethel: ‘Really’’ Edith: ‘Well, just the same thing! he said ’twas simply unearthly.’ Mr M’Brusher: ‘Oh ! Miss Belle, I’m so disappointed, those academy people have not yet “ hung me ” this year !’’ Miss Belle (sarcastically thinking of the horrible daubs in Mr M’Brusher’s studio) : ‘ Never mind, Mr M’Brusher ; I’ve no doubt they’d like to.’ Lady Customer : ‘You have the impertinence to recommend this margarine to me as best fresh butter ?’ Butterman : ‘ Well, ma’am, the gentleman from whose factory it comes is surely more to be relied on to turn out a good, article than a poor unreasoning cow !’ A bride complained to her husband that she had been. ‘ too busy to get off her feet at once.’ And that unhappy man, who had already discovered several surprising makeups in her tout ensemble, exclaimed in amazement, ‘Great Jerusalem crickets ! do they come oft' too ’’ As the late Professor Hamilton was one day walking near Aberdeen, he met a well-known individual of weak intellect named Jemmy. ‘ Pray,’ said the Professor, ‘ how long can. a person live without brains ?’ ‘ I dirna ken,’ said Jemmy, scratching his head ; ‘ how old are ye yoursel’ ?’ A Yankee went one day to hear a great gun of the English Church in London at Easter-tide. The text was, ‘And. the lion shall lie down with the lamb.’ The Yankee being asked what he thought of the sermon, said, ‘ Very good, but I guess the lamb will lie inside the lion.’ Enthusiastic but short-sighted lady artist (to old labourer):. •My good man, what are those beautiful waving objects near those trees, rivalling the latter themselves in grace and beauty of outline, making such a beautiful variety in. the landscape, and seeming to hang ‘ twixt earth and heaven?’ Old labourer (gruffly) : ‘My shirts.’ Master Tommy went into the room where his sister wasentertaining her beau. ‘ Oh, you’ve found it again, haven’t you, Mr Simth ?’ he said. ‘ Found what, Tommy ?’ asked Mr Smith, blandly. ‘ Your head , sister said you lost your head last night when you popped to her.’ Awful silence, followed by Master Tommy’s retreat from the room.
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/periodicals/NZGRAP18911024.2.53.9
Bibliographic details
New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 43, 24 October 1891, Page 524
Word Count
515MISCELLANEOUS. New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 43, 24 October 1891, Page 524
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Acknowledgements
This material was digitised in partnership with Auckland Libraries. You can find high resolution images on Kura Heritage Collections Online.