MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 36, 12 September 1891, Page 864

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Knotty Point.—• Theie’s one thing I neverquite understood about Adam and Eve,’ said old Mrs Bankerson ■, * that is, who was the clergyman that married em ?’ Old Million : ‘My dear Miss Youngthing, if you’d only marry me I could die happy.’ Miss Youngthing: ‘Why, Mr Million, if you were dying I’d many you in a minute? Popinjay : ‘There goes a man who was brought up with a silver spoon in his mouth.’ Ponsonby : * I know a man who was brought up with a dozen silver spoons in his pocket. ’ ‘ How did you come to marry John ?’ ‘ Well, he bothered me so that finally I told him I’d take him on trial.’ * But you’ve lived with him ever since ?’ * Yes, but he hasn’t ceased to be a trial yet.’ Cashley: * It’s a fact, old man. Since I met that girl I cannot eat or sleep. lam a miserable man. Is there nothing I can do to cure myself of this mad infatuation ?’ Dashley : ‘ You might try marrying her.’ ‘ I see, Job,’ said Mrs Shuttle, as she looked up from the evening paper, ‘ that there is going to be a balloon excursion to the North Pole.’ ‘ Very well, my dear. You shall have one of the best seats in the car.’ ‘ Brute !’ Literary Note.—‘ I tee that in the preface of your hook you state that it is written to fill a long-felt want. What do you mean by that?’ ‘ What do I mean by that ? Why, I've been needing a square meal for the last eighteen months. Don’t you call that a long-felt want ?' ft is a season for loud dressing by the females, and the following conversation was overheard on a street car. First Dressmaker : ‘ Have yon had many successes this season ?’ Second Dressmaker (proudly): * Oh, dear, yes. Do you. know, one of my dresses caused a runaway accident.’ Different Men, Different Minds.—‘Why do the poker-players sometimes get up and walk aronnd their chairs ?’ * They are superstitious, and think that will change their luck. ’ ‘ Why doesn’t that old gambler do it?’ ‘ He's afraid he might shake some of the cards out of his sleeve.’ At the Choral Concert.—Mr N. : ‘ What’s this—another solo ?’ Miss G. : ‘ Yes ;do you prefer the choruses ?’ Mr N. : ‘ Well, I don’t see the use in dribbling the music out to us in solos, and duos, and trios, and quartets, when they can just as well let ’em all sing together, and get through with it.’ Popular Science.—‘Oh, mamma, I’ll never disobey you again.’ Mamma: ‘Why, Susie, what have you done?’ Susie: ‘ Well, I drank my milk at lunch and then I ate a pickle ; and the milk said to the pickle, “ get out,” and the pickle said, “ I won’t,” and they are having an awfnl time.’ Keeping up Appearances.—Husband (suddenly waking up at dead of night): ‘ What in the world was that noise?’ Wife (calmly) : * It’s all right, dear. The guests of the Astor ball are just coming home, and I slipped down and gave our front door a slam, so the neighbours would think we were there.’ * I do not believe in this nonsense about Fiiday being an unlucky day,’ said Mrs Minks. ‘ Don’t you, my dear?’ replied Minks, who was a trifle out of humour. ‘ I believe in it, though. Friday, you will remember, was the day I was foolish enough to ask you to marry me. ’ ‘Ab, yes,’ Mrs Minks responded, ‘ so it was, and I was foolish enough to accept yon. Yes, Friday is an unlucky day.’ Wife (from the upper window at 1 a-m. to tipsy busband): ‘ Well, what’s your excuse for coming home at this hour ?' Husband : ‘ Let me in, M’ria. Just (hie) come from meeting of th’ Labour Union. Been considerin’ what (bic) we’d do about the recent strike.’ Wife : ‘ Well, yon just dow’n on the doorstep and consider what you’ll do about the recent lockout.’ And she slammed down the window. His Highest Ambition. —Visitor : ‘ Are you going to be a great man, when you grow up, Willie?’ Willie : ‘ You bet ! I’m going to be an Arctic explorer.’ ‘An Arctic explorer’s life is full of hardships, Willie.’ ‘Yes,’m. But I can stand ’em I reckon.’ ‘ I like your spirit, my boy. There is a great deal of glory to be gained in a career of that kind.’ ‘ Yes, ’m. And you don’t never have to wash your face '.’