MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 30, 25 July 1891, Page 212

MISCELLANEOUS.

Wouldn’t Miss Pa.—‘ Mizpah,’ she said softly, as he was about to leave. ‘ No,’ he said firmly, ‘ I’m not afraid. I shall see him.’

‘ Why did your parents call you Gladstone Smith ?’ asked a woman of a little ragged urchin. ‘ ’Cos they thought a good name was better’n great riches. ’ ‘Ma, the minister is coming.’ ‘ What makes you think so ? Did you see him ?’ ‘No ; but I saw pa take the parrot and lock it up in the stable.’ She (enthusiastically): ‘Oh, George! don’t you think the greatest joy in life is the pursuit of the good, the true, and the beautiful ?’ He : ‘ You bet'. That’s why I’m here to-night. ’ On the Landing.—Penelope : ‘ Don’t ! Stop 1’ Jack : ‘ I can’t help it ’ (kisses her). Penelope : ‘ How dare you ! when I forbid it ?’ Jack : ‘ You merely said, ‘ Don’t stop.’ TO A STOUT I'BIMA DONNA. You’ve grown by far too stout to suit my taste : Your voice to give me satisfaction fails. I fear you've let your talent run to waist. Although you beat your record on the scales. A Faint Hoi’E.—Miss Artiste : I am so fond of singing. Indeed, I may say that I am wedded to my art.’ Her Admirer : ‘ Would it be any use to inquire whether you have any conscientious scruples against bigamy ?’ He (doubtfully): ‘ There's a—little freckle on your cheek, don’t you know ? I—l have heard that freckles can be removed by kissing.’ She: ‘Oh, that is a fraud. Cousin Toni and I have been experimenting on that all summer.’ Editor of the Trumpington Clarion : ‘ Does it pay to advertise in my paper ? Well, I should say it does. Look at Smith, the grocer, for instance. He advertised for a boy last week, and the very next day Mrs Smith had twins—both boys !’ ‘ Will you be offended if I kiss you ?’ he asked his Boston fiance after they were engaged. ‘ I cannot be offended until something is done to offend me.’ ‘ But, dear, I don’t like to run the risk.’ ‘ What is not worth risking for is not worth having.’ The nose of a small boy had been put out of joint by the advent of a baby brother with tremendous lung-power. ‘ Did little brother come from heaven, ma?’ he asked. ‘Yes, dear.’ He listened to little brother’s yells, and said, ‘I don’t blame the angels for chucking him out; do you, ma ?’ What he ought to Get.—Poet—‘How much ought I to get for that poem ?’ Editor : ‘ Oh, I should think about ten—’ Poet (with a sickly smile) : ‘ Yes, I know what you are going to say : “ Ten dollars or thirty days.” ’ Editor : ‘ No, sir ; ten years.’ A Sad Condition.—First Bank President: ‘Did you see about the president of the Ninth National? No sooner was he dead than they discovered that he had defaulted to the amount of £80,000.’ Second Bank President: ‘ Yes, I saw it. It is getting so a bank president can’t die with any safety. ’ An Awkward Mistake.—Miss Cota Arms : ‘You take great interest in outdoor sports, I believe, Mr Zing?’ Mr Zing : ‘ No-o-o, I can hardly say that I do.’ Miss Cota Arms: ‘ Well, now’, I was told by some one that you were quite a counter-jumper. I presume he must have been mistaken.’ Giving it a Fair Trial.—Van Duder : ‘ Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say, Miss Amy. Do you think you would care for me if I were away ?’ Amy : ‘ I don’t know, Mr Van Duder, but we might try. Supposing you go away for a few years, and then I could tell you.’