BRIC-A-BRAC.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 26, 27 June 1891, Page 114

BRIC-A-BRAC.

WANTED—A COOK WITH A CHIEF. Several ladies were discussing the servant problem the other day, and one clever woman put forward an entirely new idea as to the desirable requirements for a servant. * I have grown modest of late years,’ she said. *I no longer demand, as I once used to, that my cook should know how to cook, or that my waitress shall understand sewing—not at all. The one demand that Ido make in the servant that comes to me is that she shall have a grief. I advertise :— “ Wanted—A cook with a grief—serviceable, and warranted to last.” There’s nothing that will make a woman so tractable and teachable as a grief. And, you see, a woman with an aflliction doesn’t want to be out in the evenings like gayhearted girls. She stays at home and nurses her sorrow and thinks up little things to do about the house meantime. Such a woman will accomplish a great amount of work. What kind of grief do I find most serviceable ? A disappointment in love, if I treat it with deep consideration and respect, will last the longest—longer even than mourning for a dead husband.’ HOW FAST CAN THE DUMB SPEAK? The deaf and dumb, as everyone knows, • speak ’ by means of their fingers. How many words, then, can a good hand speaker form in a minute ? According to the Postal Telegraph Department, the average number of letters per word in the English language is five Now, a ready handspeaker can make the English alphabet ten times in a minute ; that is to say, 260 letters. It is usual for him to pause for the space of one letter after each word, to show that the word is completed. If, therefore, we subtract from the total just given about one-sixth for these stoppages, the total will be reduced to 215 letters. Let this be divided by five, the average number of letters per word, and we shall find that a fairly expert deaf and dumb person will speak 43 words per minute. A person in possession of speech will probably speak 150 woids in the same space of time. Many a man has been helped out of a difficulty by his wife’s tact. A popular clergyman one day saw a lady about to call whom he was anxious not to meet. So he said to his wife, ‘ I’m of! now, my dear ; I’ll runupstairsand escape till she goes away.’ After about an hour, he quietly tiptoed to the stair-landing, and listened. All was quiet below. Reassured, he began to descend, and while doing so he thoughtlessly but emphatically called out over the hamster, * Well, has that old bore gone at last?’ The next instant a voice from below caused the cold perspiration to bedew his ministerial brow and rooted him to the spot. Theie came a response which sounded inexpressibly sweet to him just then. It was the voice of his wife, who, with true womanly tact, replied, ‘ Yes, darling, she went away over an hour ago ; but here is our good friend Mrs Black, who I am sure you ■want to meet'.’ A TALE ON ITS TRAVELS. How a simple statement may be twisted, turned, and magnified by the tongues of tale-bearers is well-illustrated by the following :—‘ The servant of No. 1 told the servant of No. 2 that her master expected his old friends the Bayleys to pay him a visit shortly ; and No 2. told No 3. that No. 1 expected to have the Baileys in the house every day ; and No. 3 told No. 4 that it was all up with No. 1 for they couldn’t keep the bailiff’s out, whereupon No. 4 told No. 5 that the officers were after No. 1, and that it was as much a she could do to prevent himself being taken in execution, and that it was nearly killing his poor dear wife ; and so it went on increasing and increasing till it got to No. 32, who confidently assured the last, No. 33, that the Bowstreet officers bad taken up the gentleman who lived at No. 1 for killing his poor dear wife with arsenic, and that it was confidently hoped and expected that he would be executed !’ RECIPE FOR WRITING A NOVEL. Take a pound or so of foolscap, cut into proper size, trim the edges neatly, and see that your ink is of right temperature. Select a fresh young heroine of about 130 pounds (hero in due proportion, ami also fresh) ; sweeten with domestic virtues, and sprinkle with artistic tastes. Chop your sentences quite small, and garnish with exclamations ; but do not mince matteis in the love-making. Let the story simmer gently toward boiling point; then take a well seasoned ‘situation,’ caiefully remove all traces of probability, and add to the mixtuie plenty of spice. Pour into moulds commonly used for this puipose. A little froth skimmed from other literature makes an ornamental finish.

. A RUBINSTEIN STORY. In appreciation of art and artists Russia is far behind the rest of Europe, notwithstanding the degree of cultivation occasionally reached by the best class of Russians who have lived away from their native land. For some quarter of a century past there has been a Conservatory in St. Petersburg, and Rubinstein has been the chief of it; but not long before his acceptance of that position his description of himself as an ‘ artist ’ conveyed no meaning to the official mind. * Are you employed in the Church ?’ he was asked, on one occasion when it was necessary for him to state what he was ; and the answer being in the negative, ‘ Then perhaps you give lessons in some school ?’ was suggested. Rubinstein said that he did not. ‘lam a musician—an artist,’he repeated. * Yes, I understand ; but are you in the Government service?’was the next query. ‘No,’ was again the answer. * Who are you, then ?’ How shall we describe you?’his interlocutor asked in perplexity. ‘May I ask your father’s profession?’ Rubinstein’s father was a ‘ merchant of the second guild,’ and as the son of such a merchant the musician was described. PROMOTION FOR A LADY. General Booth has conferred a cornet’s commission on the Baroness von Liliencreutz. She is a very pretty woman and only thirty, and remarkably cosmopolitan in her origin. She was born in St. Petersburg, her mother was a Frenchwoman, and her husband and father Swedes. For some time she has been a widow, and her acceptance of religion is regarded by many as the freak of a charming woman bored to death with her surroundings. She thinks herself destined to rescue society * butterflies,’ especially those of the aristocratic pattern, and she thinks that it‘is only a matter of time for a serious change to develop itself in Berlin drawingrooms—at least such is what she said in substance at a recent address delivered by her at one of the General’s stances. The good Berliners decline to take the Salvation Army seriously, they seem inclined to regard it as a peculiar humour of the British nation. THE ETOMOLOGY OF PUN. Many people suffer from puns, though few know the derivation of the word. It comes from the Anglo Saxon punian, beat, pound. Shakespeare says, ‘He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. The modern pun is a pounding or beating of words into new shapes.