MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VII, Issue 2, 10 January 1891, Page 20

MISCELLANEOUS.

Short and Sweet.—‘ First love is best,’ sighed a sentimental maiden. ‘ Yes,’ assented a cynical old bachelor ‘ because it is soonest over. ’ Johnny : ‘ Ethel and her best fellow have just fallen out.’’ Mamma : ‘ Dear me !’ Johnny: ‘ Yes. They have fallen out of the hammock.' ‘ What’s the admission to this here show, stranger ?’ ‘ Nocharge for admission, sir ; this is a church.’ ‘Wall, for a free show there don’t seem to be much of a rush.’ Customer : ‘ I should like to see some of your checks for this season.’ Tailor : ‘Yes, certainly, and t should like tosee one of yours for last. ’ Sweet Girl : ‘lf it’s just the same, Mr Mashuer, you needn’t trouble yourself to call any more.’ Mashuer (earnestly): ‘ Oh, thanks ; it’s no trouble at all—l like tocall.’ Miss Inquisitive : ‘Do tell me, Mr Bachelor, were you ever disappointed in love ?’ Mr Bachelor: ‘ No, Miss Inquisitive, I never was; but I don’t mind telling you, inconfidence, that I’ve been disappointed in lots of girls.’ ‘ Yes; he proposed in the romantic style. He began—“ On. my bended knees let me swear,” and so on.’ ‘ Does he ever talk that way now ?’ ‘No. He just swears without askingpermission. ’ He : ‘ Matty, I know that nobody can love you as well asI do. ’ She : ‘ And is it possible that only you can find anything in me deserving of love.’ He: ‘Of course, I don’t mean that, Matty, but you know I’m not so particular as most men are.’ It is not every one who can display the coolness of thegentleman who once carved a goose , with such misplaced energy as to send it under the table. Seeing that the guestsevinced some discomfiture, and an anxiety to know whereit had gone, he said—* All right, ladies and gentlemen, I have my foot on it.’ A Confusion of Terms.—Stupid Man: ‘l’ve hired a new typewriter.’ Wife (coldly):‘lndeed !’ Stupid Man (enthusiastically): ‘Yes, a daisy. One of the kind you can take anywhere with you, and hold on your lap, and ’’ (a torrent of tears.) Stupid Man (an hour later) : ‘ But, my dear, it’s a machine, not a girl.’ In a hospital the physician in chief, in the course of his round of inspection, approached a cot, and after feeling theEaticnt’s pulse remarked, ‘ Hum—he .is doing very nicely - r is pulse is much better.’ ‘ltis as you say, doctor,’ replied the nurse; ‘but it is not the same man. Yesterday’spatient is dead, and this one has been putin his place.’ ‘Ah,’said the doctor, ‘different patient, eh? Well, sametreatment.’ And he walked on. An old country gentleman, returning home rather late, discovered under his kitchen window a yokel with a lantern, who, when asked his business there, stated that he had only come a-courting. ‘ Come a-what ?’ cried the irate gentleman. ‘ A-courting, sir. I’se courting Mary.’ ‘ It’s a lie !’’ exclaimed the old gentleman. ‘ What do you want a lantern for ? I never used one when I was a young man. ’ ‘ No, sir,’ was the yokel’s reply : ‘ I don’t think yer did, judging by the missis !’