WHY GIRLS DO NOT GET MARRIED.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume V, Issue 52, 27 December 1890, Page 3

WHY GIRLS DO NOT GET MARRIED.

The primary reason is no doubt because men do not ask them, or rather, because the right men do not ask them. But why don’t they ? In the words of the heart-broken old comic song ‘ Why Don’t the Men Propose, Mamma, why don’t the Men -Propose ?’ Of course there are many reasons —some on the men’s side, and some on the girls’ ; but I mean to speak here only of the latter. A mother thinks it is because the girls are too modest. *lt seems,’ she says, • that a girl must be ready to tty in the face of a good many of the elementary rules of decorum, if she is to get a husband in these days.’ No, that is not the case. How often does the flirting beauty see her admirers ride away while her modest sister carries off the prize Indiscretion on the part of a girl (or her mother) will carry a man to a certain (wrint : a point determined precisely by the measure of the indiscretion, but not a step further—towards matrimony— ij he is worth having. Men with heads on their shoulders have not the smallest intention of making indiscreet or indecorous girls their wives, though they will flirt with them to the end of the chapter. When they mean matrimony they choose the modest ones —women whom they can resjtect. Girls wtio run fast outpace respect altogether and leave it hopelessly behind. Such do not often get husbands, but on the contrary become a mockery to their enemies and a sorrow to their friends.

There are two great reasons why many really charming and attractive gills do not find husbands, as they do not. Those reasons are precisely opposite in character. Some girls are too particular, and some are not particulai enough. The former class, without necessarily entertaining any very high-flown or romantic notions, are apt to repel many a worthy though not brilliant-seeming wooer by a foolishly scornful demeanour. This is all very well for a time—no girl should sell herself against her own inclinations ; but it is often carried too far. When it grows into a habit, and the years roll by (as they do with a great deal more ceitainty than the clouds), there comes a time when the worthy wooer fails to present himself at all, and the fairest maiden wakes up to the humiliating discovery that husbands do not grow like blackberries. The second class is more numerous. They are not particular enough in this sense—they seem somewhat too anxious to be married, and without the slightest immodesty or want of decoium make themselves too cheap, to put it bluntly. Among a very extensive acquaintance in a large town, where pretty, refined, and accomplished girls abounded, I have observed the same thing over and over again. A girl nice enough to be any man’s wife will meet some tolerable young fellow in the ordinary course of society. He will be attracted, as is the way with young fellows, and begin to pay her some attention. Instead of behaving as if she had a proper sense of her own value, she will make no attempt to conceal her pleasure at being thus singled out, but will be plainly all gratitude for the young man’s favours when he chooses to bestow them, and all humility when he chooses to withhold them. In short, she will make far too much of him ; and the young fellow, as is the way with young fellows, finding he can play fast and loose, will at once proceed to do so, always ending with the loose. It is a sad pity. Several young ladies have sorrowfully admitted that it is their own fault. Perhaps the mothers are to blame if, under the stress of competition, they urge upon their daughters somewhat too warmly the desirability of matrimony to the neglect of a proper degree of self respect. It maybe hard to steer a middle course between holding men too cheap and too dear, but it can be done by a due mixture of self-respect and respect for others. If a mere man may offer a hint in so delicate a matter, I would say to some girls : Do not despise a man because he is a man, and not a young Gieek god. If you only knew it, the one essential thing about a husband is that he shall be kind. And to some others I would say : Do not forget that a good girl is good enough for any man; and, if the men forget it, take care to remind them,