MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume V, Issue 44, 1 November 1890, Page 20

MISCELLANEOUS.

Old Lady (to little boy caressing dog!: ‘ That’s right, little boy, always be kind to dumb animals.’ Little boy : * Yes, mum. I’ve got a kettle to tie on his tail as soon as I get him quiet.’ Mrs Caudle (Concluding a curtain lecture): ‘ Remember I am telling you this for your own good.’ Mr Caudle (speaking for the first time!: ‘ls that so? I thought it must be for your own amusement.’ Father <to Robby, crying his eyes out i : ‘ Ah, Robby, it pains me twice as much as it does you.’ Robby (stopping his tears and laughing': ‘Golly, father, you won’t be able to sit down comfortable for a fortnight. ’ Telephone Superintendent (over the wire): ‘ Hello there, yon 1 No swearing through the telephone.’ Irate subscriber : ‘ I ain’t swearing through the telephone ; I’m swearing at it.’ ‘ Love is blind.’ Nonsense I Just pay a little attention to some other woman, and the woman who loves you will see it even if the transaction occurs ten miles away, with half a hundred brick walls intervening. The minister was calling for recruits for temperance work. ‘ In one little town,’ cried he, ‘ there’s seventeen gin mills ; thaf't where we want to go, brethren.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ shouted a red nosed, sleepy individual in the rear of the church, ‘ let’s go now.’ Not a Question of Faith.—Two well-known clergymen lately missed their train upon, which one of them took out his watch and finding is to blame for the mishap, said he would no longer have any faith in it. ‘ But,’ said the other, ‘ isn’t it a question not of faith, but of works ?’ Fatal Extravagance.—Einstein : ‘ Didt you bear apout Cohen ? Yen Repecca Sonneshein wouldn’t marry huu. he vent andt toop a kvarter’s vort of morphine. Yot fools some men are.’ Minzberger: ‘ Yasn’t he, though? Ten cents’ vert would haf done der pizness shust as veil. ’ A young Englishman, on a visit to Ireland during the shooting season. &~ked his host if there were many of the neigbliouring land holders then at home. ‘ Divil a one, faith !’ was the answer, ‘ the counthry is schwarming with absentees. ‘ A gentleman asked a country clergyman for the use of his pulpit for a young divine, a relation of his. * I really do not know,’ said the clergyman, ‘ how to refuse you , but if the young man should preach betle, than me, my congregation will be dissatisfied with me afterwards; and if be should preach worse, I don’t think he’s fit to preach at all. ’